How do you get back on track when you have massive panic/breakdown at work?

[SeekingAfrica]

I had one this summer and I was unable to work for a month. I was really suicidal and everything else just sort of faded in the background for a bit. I admit it, I screwed up a lot in this period. I've been rebuilding and catching up slowly since then. But the thing is I am not that stable yet, and every crisis knocks me out for a bit.

I am self-employed. Since I got a bit better I've been also looking for more stable work. I found one housekeeping gig of sorts that was part time. I was planning on taking it, but then I got my ankle sprained so I've been bed-bound for this week. It will take another week until my ankle fully healed for a such job. So in the meantime I can only work on my computer and keep applying for jobs.

I know this isn't unique situation, we all go through things. But as I've said before, I am still struggling not to dissociate for a day when something crisis-like happens. Today one more thing happened, and I got so overwhelmed I almost fainted, and threw up, and I couldn't see straight for a while. It was around lunch time, so I took that time to eat, have hot drink, and calm. I am better, but still all set off, hazy, somewhere between hyper-vigilant and aware of every minute. At the same time I'm a bit hazy and dissociating, feeling like I'll faint. I can't calm down. So I thought to take a nap(or truthfully lay down until I'm calmer) and then try to breakdown the rest of my plan for the day in small parts in hopes I'll manage to get through them however I feel. How much time is it reasonable to give myself? I want to put time frame that is enough to get calm, but not miss my day completely. (I can work in the evening to compensate, so by day I mean all the time until going to bed). Also does anyone have other tips, other than taking a moment and then breaking down tasks in mini-parts?

 

[shimmerz]

Just as much self care as you can possibly do.

Also... CBD oil changed my world around. I was like you described above for 10 years +. CBD oil really helped me physically increase my window of tolerance.

The fact that you are watching your income stream fade away because of this almost makes this a closed loop as I recall. Reaction - recover - try again - reaction. That, for me, meant that I had to recover more than I was allowing myself.

I am really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are trying so hard.....

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Just as much self care as you can possibly do.

Also... CBD oil changed my world around. I was like you described above for 10 years +. CBD oil really helped me physically increase my window of tolerance.

The fact that you are watching your income stream fade away because of this almost makes this a closed loop as I recall. Reaction - recover - try again - reaction. That, for me, meant that I had to recover more than I was allowing myself.

I am really sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are trying so hard.....

I really am. Although as you know with mental health stuff a lot of the times the worst state you are, the more you feel like you're not trying at all.

I wish I could try CBD oil...a friend of mine living in different country recently tried it and has been raving about how good it is for her. So far from what I gather it's illegal here though, and it's not something I'm willing to risk. So I'll have to pull myself out of it. Honestly I thought I was starting to, but the last few weeks seem to be laughing in my face.

Every few days there is something that makes me feel like I won't get through the week. Every time I do, somehow. But it doesn't change that it's a hard situation even objectively, let alone with the mental health addition on top. But I am where I am and I have to deal. I have been trying to make improvements lately, like reducing the bills that are actually on my name(some are on my landlord's name and those I have partial control over). Also I've been thinking about moving and getting a roomate, just until my finances improve- which is great in theory, but it is a project in a way that will take a bit(finding the roomate, giving a month's notice and a lot more...). I am trying to set a schedule that has exact times for working the work I do have but also set time for applying for jobs. I'm trying.

But in days like this it feels like I won't get enough time to actually show that I can manage, and implement all those changes. There are days when I just have to pray I get through it and to keep planning changes so I'm not in the same situation 6 months from now. And today, was just like a ton of bricks. I slept for 2 hours and now I'm working and trying not to think about the storm of problems coming my way in few days. I need to work to get a hang on it. I need to plan. I need to manage for long enough to make this better.