Dissociating and panicking when there is a crisis, how do you deal?

[SeekingAfrica]

My reaction to crisises (small or big, unexpected things I don't know how to handle) or deadlines before PTSD was to first get a hang on the situation and then freak out or rest or whatever. Now it's the opposite. Whenever something like crisis happens or I have to handle unexpected tight deadline(money, work, health, it doesn't matter, the more important, the worse I react) I have this shut-down reaction.

Either I dissociate for hours, or panic in waves or simply feel suddenly so fatigued I can't concentrate or think or do anything but go to sleep. Even if it's mid-day. My body just shuts off. And suddenly it doesn't matter if the thing I need to handle has a week to be done, it doesn't matter that the more I do today the better. It doesn't even matter if I have potential plan with list of potential ways to handle it. My brain just gives me a big red sign and reacts in some way. And in many many times that has meant I need a full day to digest a situation before I am able to do anything about it. And I don't mean digest like go through my day but think about it. I mean digest like my whole todo list for the day gets pushed ahead and all I do that day, is sleep, make lists, think about it, panic, do self-care, and think about it some more until I can't and I have to calm down and then again. Or, on some days, pretty much stay in bed all day in waves of sleeping and watching TV shows, until I get calm enough to think about it. Really not the most efficient process at all.

So I just got another situation like that. It's the 3rd week when I feel pretty good and a situation hits and I lose it. First was about my computer breaking down and not having my info backed up and needing it for work...decided to push and ignore my feelings. Second week was an issue with a document and more documents needing to be made and figuring out where and how last minute. Managed that a bit better, though I did lose a day for self-care before I was able to. But the rest of the week was okay-ish. And now this week. The situation just happened. I have a week, maaaaybe 10days. I won't go in specifics. The point is, I made a list of possible solutions and the sooner I get on them, the faster this will get better, but I can't. By brain is fluttering between panic and dissociation, one after the other, and now that I'm done with the list(so most important info is down on paper) I am starting to feel the kind of fatigued you get if you haven't slept in 24h, even though I got up 2 hours ago. Like just walking makes me feel like I'll faint and continue sleeping, and any attempt to deal with the situation now that I'm done brainstorming turns my brain into a swamp again, unable to get any solid thought making sense, and I lose sense of date and month and anything else. Anyone has any tips, any tips at all? I've tried pushing out of that state, but many times it just makes it stronger and it makes it linger for days. But if I don't push through I often need a whole day to get a hang of myself. And now even my panic attacks meds doesn't help, because I take it, calm down and then another wave of panic or dissociation hits me and suddenly the crisis is irrelevant, and taking care of myself takes priority...

Oh, and I forgot to mention, when the crisis first happens, my brain gets hypervigilant. Everything gets too fast, too loud, too bright and intrusive and all I can do is replay the crisis in my head(even though it's nothing like a trauma, but just life task that came up unexpectedly). But then after my brain starts to dissociate, the whole situation gets fuzzy and somehow gets pushed to the back of my mind and it no longer seems important, not until I get control of my body and brain again.

 

[Skywatcher]

You wrote a lot down, so I confess, I just skimmed your post. It sounds like you may need some stabilization therapy or meds. I
Have experienced your symptoms, but I feel like mine are a bit more under control. Not sure how to help you.

 

[Ronin]

Can you put things into smaller steps, see if you handle those? As bit sized as needed so it is no longer this big awful crisis thing but a series of perfectly ordinary, manageable, doable steps you maybe did not do in quite that order for that purpose but did them already, so not a Alarm, Alarm, Alarm big deal?

And: Can you make plans just for sleeping it out days... so not like you are scared in advance there will not even be the time to catch up on the much needed basics, and instead some layers of panic get pushed aside? (Wondering how much being stressed out about that on a constant basis is not helping you, so maybe if planning around the tasks does not work, grab what for your body ARE insurmountable tasks, like sleeping healthy. Dealing with what is in front of you, not SleepCrisis + whichever is in front you in the same time. But a limited time for that, so just one of those things you do, not the whole of everything and days consuming.)

 

[SeekingAfrica]

You wrote a lot down, so I confess, I just skimmed your post. It sounds like you may need some stabilization therapy or meds. I
Have experienced your symptoms, but I feel like mine are a bit more under control. Not sure how to help you.

Mine were better too, for a long time, then got worse in the last months. I'm back on medication, although I'm not sure it's been strong enough. Since I started it's been better, but there are still these days when it's all back to really bad.
I do need therapy for sure, but currently I can't afford that. It's tough because my health gets in the way of making more money, but I need more money to afford therapy. Anyway, I'm doing the best I can. If things persist up and down for few more weeks I may go at least see if I should make any adjustment in my medication.

Can you put things into smaller steps, see if you handle those?

And: Can you make plans just for sleeping it out days... so not like you are scared in advance there will not even be the time to catch up on the much needed basics, and instead some layers of panic get pushed aside?

The first part- I've tried to break things down on smaller parts, but maybe they are still too big? I'm sure. Because sometimes I make a list, then breakdown tasks in smaller ones and somehow I can't start. I keep having that suffocating feeling like whatever I start on won't be enough and I will be late/behind on/fail in all the other things. Of course that really doesn't happen all the time. But when it does happen it's bad, I really dig myself in the ground and even if I realize I'm doing so I don't know how to change it.
The second part of what you said can you periphrase, I didn't quite understand? Do you mean that I should plan at least some tasks on bad days so whatever I'm working on gets done at least partially? Or that if I'm not able to work at least I take care of basic needs like good food or sleep? I didn't quite understand what you meant, sorry.

 

[Skywatcher]

@SeekingAfrica. Have you looked into a sliding scale therapy option that is based on your income. We make decent money, but turned it in and I pay slightly under 1/2 of her regular rate. The place I go is a Christian therapy center, but they only bring God in if you want them too. I am a Christian but I mostly prefer my therapy to be science based, but appreciate prayers. Just saying... check out all of your options for affordability.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

@SeekingAfrica. Have you looked into a sliding scale therapy option that is based on your income. We make decent money, but turned it in and I pay slightly under 1/2 of her regular rate. The place I go is a Christian therapy center, but they only bring God in if you want them too. I am a Christian but I mostly prefer my therapy to be science based, but appreciate prayers. Just saying... check out all of your options for affordability.

I've checked, but I am not in the U.S.A. and so far I have not found anything similar here. I do wish we had it. My only option until I make enough money are crisis hotlines, which are something I do sometimes use, but obviously when in crisis, when nothing really helps. They can't be like a weekly counselling.
There is an app that has artificial interface set up and you can chat with it, and it pulls helpful info based on search words in what you say, I think. It's very basic obviously, but sometimes it does help me when I start thinking in circle, it's good for reframing thoughts sometimes. Other than that, part of my meds are those for panic attacks that I take more rarely, so it's something...those are my resources right now, otherwise I have things that help me. Friends. Dancing. I sprained my ankle this week though, so it's been struggle adjusting to what I can't do for a bit. Anyway. This is the situation for now, so I'll have to do the best with it.

 

[MyWillow]

This will sound simplistic but Trauma Sensitive Yoga has really helped me with stabilisation. I don’t love it but it is helping. It’s often subsidised by local government/councils where I live. I’m traveling overseas for work for 6 weeks and my yoga practice every morning is saving my @rse. I hope you can find something to help.

 

[Ronin]

The second part of what you said can you periphrase, I didn't quite understand?

Sure, sorry. :)
What I meant is try to eliminate as many stressors as you can and if you know that you are likely to need extended time of sleep, give yourself that time instead of trying to avoid it and do everything else first? To go with your body on what ARE its priorities, basic needs met at all cost as close as you can, everything else figured later?

 

[Deleted member 44579]

I think your brain is just protecting you. And you will figure this stuff out. Just don't be too hard on yourself.. That never did anyone any good. Take care. Big hugs

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I think your brain is just protecting you. And you will figure this stuff out. Just don't be too hard on yourself.. That never did anyone any good. Take care. Big hugs

I thought the same thing, but sadly it's one of those reactions that instead of protecting me ends up preventing me from resolving things in timely manner. For the past 4 weeks there has been 1 situation every week which I felt I won't get through and there is nothing I can do. And my body still hasn't learnt not to react strongly, on the contrary. And even though the past weeks are over, today I was faces with another such situation and had even stronger reaction in a bad sense. If I get through the next 10 days okay without damaging some part of my life, I'll feel lucky.

This will sound simplistic but Trauma Sensitive Yoga has really helped me with stabilisation. I don’t love it but it is helping. It’s often subsidised by local government/councils where I live. I’m traveling overseas for work for 6 weeks and my yoga practice every morning is saving my @rse. I hope you can find something to help.

No, I totally get it. Sometimes ballet is that for me. Weekends when I have class are always significantly better than the rest of the week. Perhaps I should try to incorporate shorter daily practice in my week(in the weekend I have minimum 2h a day...). But for now I can't do much with sprained ankle though and dancing was my huge venting thing, I feel like a boiling pot of emotions without it. Working in bed with my leg elevated has been hugely frustrating. I'm starting to walk more normally though, so hopefully I'll be returning to normal in a week or so.

Sure, sorry. :)
What I meant is try to eliminate as many stressors as you can and if you know that you are likely to need extended time of sleep, give yourself that time instead of trying to avoid it and do everything else first? To go with your body on what ARE its priorities, basic needs met at all cost as close as you can, everything else figured later?

I'm trying, but the crises later have been big(like my computer crashing when I actually work online, but not having enough to buy new one so having to figure temporary solutions. or after giving all I could for computer repairs to still achieve only partial solution, being behind on rent, but being so freaked out about it, I freeze sometimes for hours and then my work is a mess.). So as you see, those things do also are basic needs in a different way...so my body and my practical needs end up fighting a lot. I've been working on reducing expenses, finding roomate in the next months, applying for jobs...I even found a sidegig in housekeeping which isn't ideal, but maybe good for my current health. And then I sprained my ankle, so while I recover fully it's back to barely making ends meet and trying to push deadlines forwards while I implement changes and find work. It's exhausting and scary. I've been in this situation for a year and it's the first time I can see real change coming about- but I'm also constantly afraid that this change is coming too late and I won't have the chance to really get to it.

But then... the more I'm scared the more my body just takes the reigns sometimes. Today before I adjusted to the next crisis that came, I had this moment between fainting and throwing up, and ended up sleeping like a log for 2 hours in the middle of the day. And only then I was able to return to doing some work(that I can only hope gets paid on time). And so far I still need 5min breaks every 15-20mins, just because I still can't turn off my brain worrying. But, I am where I am and this is the situation. I can only keep trying to make a real change and hope I get to see the results of it before I make any real damage to my life or health.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @SeekingAfrica ...i think another way to view... Is you have got through it. Again you were strong. Strength comes from many places.. And sometimes you don't realise how strong ur being. I think you got this and doing as best as you can...

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Hi @SeekingAfrica ...i think another way to view... Is you have got through it. Again you were strong. Strength comes from many places.. And sometimes you don't realise how strong ur being. I think you got this and doing as best as you can...

Thank you! I hope so too. I can only hope my best is good enough.