How Do You Get Your Family To Actually Understand?

[jennifer0506]

Honestly, I'm not sure at all how you can get someone to understand. Both my parents have failed to understand about PTSD, and i doubt even looked it up, even though I was diagnosed with my Father.

I think that generally, it's a very hard thing to accept. When i was diagnosed, it didn't feel like 'thank god, now i know what's wrong' .. it felt more like 'no. no no no.' And i didn't even properly understand it then. PTSD is so complex, misunderstood, often not even known about..

In respects really, I'd suggest not bothering. I completely understand that more than anything, you want your family to understand and support you. Having a family that don't even think about it, that shrug it off or completely disregard it only makes everything feel worse, believe me i know. But.. to waste your energy on trying to get someone to understand, is only that, wasting your energy. In the end, YOU are the one directly involved so YOU have to use your energy into first coming to terms with it yourself, and getting the help you need. It's a hard boat to be in, it really is.

Believe me, your lucky to have a father and brother trying to understand. Leave it to them, perhaps, to help your mother understand it. Try, honestly, not to worry about your mother - i know you want her support, but it's something that if you let yourself get to involved into trying to make her get it, you'll end up feeling more and more hurt.

 

[hannah422]

I like this discussion thread. I like finding ways to be kind to me and being kind to me is about sharing my pain with people who are supportive not those who want to ridicule or blame me. I've changed and I would hope that if the shoe were on the other foot, then I would be a kinder friend. So I share where it is safe to do so. I find it is safe to do so here after reading a few posts.

Thanks for that.

 

[Nicolette]

I haven't read this thread, the title just caught my eye. My response is that you can only get your family to understand if they want to and it's that simple. The same simple as healing your trauma...you can only do it if you want to. :rolleyes:

 

[grandpalou]

Family & PTSD

The point of this ramble is to show that you should focus on those who can help you and not waste time and energy on people who don't/can't understand.

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In regards to family and relatives, those who do understand keep their distance, having thought maybe it would help to read my biography to get to know me better, but that only made some more uncomfortable to be spending much time with me one on one, why most contact is by way of email or not at all, have come a very long way where the scars only say that healing happened but still have a past and that is what most fear, or are uncomfortable about.
Have to say that most family members live with some guilt of keeping their distance which I fully understand, love is still there but so is the apprehension or hidden fear that maybe something unpleasant will happen that could be a repeat of past behaviourism that often resulted in someone calling 911 at a time when I was completely off the charts.

 

[captnjess]

Thank you

I'm also new to the forum. But, I just wanted to say thanks for serving.

I've found this site to already be helpful, within the last few hours even. And I hope it's helpful for you.

My family has a hard time understanding my boyfriend's PTSD issues as well as his family. So, I can only imagine what you're going through.

It's amazing that you are seeking help. Just remember you can't control what others believe. Stay strong!

 

[River65]

My family doesn't know and I don't know if I will tell them. My ptsd originated in my family so I think they are pretty messed up anyway. Part of me wants to tell them but a bigger part screams at me how unsafe this would be, how damaging their refusal to believe would be to the work I have done. But I know all families aren't like mine, and there are many reasons why maybe your mother can't face your demons. Love and fear, unable to face the fact that her child has been damaged. Maybe write her a letter, if you really feel you need her to understand, or invite her to a counselling session with you. It may just take time or maybe she will never be able to face it, but if it doesn't hurt you to try, then try. If it hurts you too much then don't and just try to heal yourself from that lack of understanding.

I don't think of ptsd as an illness at all. I think of it as an ordinary reaction to extraordinary events. I just have to reprogram myself in how I react to the world around me and how I feel about myself and with a lot of work the outcome will be my happiness and peace. It is a lot of work but that work is constantly bringing me joy...huge moments of being thrilled to be alive. I've never had that in my life. It's worth the sadness and pain I have to re-experience sometimes, because when i shut down my ability to feel pain I also shut down my ability to feel good things and at first the good things were as scary as the bad.

I really hope your mom can come to understand. Please keep us posted.

 

[LoveWins]

Difficult one, yes, because people will only accept what you are telling them if they are ready to do so themselves. I had no support from my family ... This was very painful ontop of the PTSD.

I think that providing them with information so they can find out about PTSD is helpful, other than that... you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink...

The above may sound a little flippant, but it is not meant to be. I have observed, that I couldn't force my friends or family to see my PTSD. Some people will just never reflect back or be able to acknowledge your pain. This can cause more pain. Others will, and they should be the ones you cherish.

dust

This is precisely what I have found. Unfortunatetly there are very few people who are ready to accept my PTSD, and so it gets shrugged off as something I've just made up or is just ignored completely. I suppose they just don't want to deal with it in their minds or don't fully understand (and don't want to put in the effort to understand)

As others have said all you can do is provide them with the information. And personally for my family, as it is very small and they're all I have, I am persevering despite their "denial". I raise issues I may be having in conversation. We are otherwise close friends and share everything, so I'm refusing to hide it. I think this is working and it's finally beginning to sink in that this is real for them, but I wouldn't say they understand at all. There's quite a bit of ignorance around about the general nature of mental disorders I've found. My family seem to be of the "you're either insane or sane-and you're still sane so pull yourself together and move on" kind of thinking

I know it's sad that sometimes those who are supposed to be very close to us show an unwillingness to believe us or try and understand. I've had my share of being upset about it. Luckily there is support for us