How Do You Manage Your Anger?

[Springer80]

Also I think the more we are afraid of anger the more power it holds. Really letting it go sometimes can actually be quite funny. Like a kid having a tantrum you work yourself up and let out and at some point it just becomes ridiculous. And you find yourself laughing.

In some respects I think your desire to remove it is probably more harmful than running at it full steam ahead and going in for some totally self indulgent anger fests.

 

[Springer80]

:speechless::devilish::speechless::devilish::speechless::mad::speechless::mad::mad::mad::mad::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::wtf::arghh;:arghh;:arghh;:arghh;:spitdummy::spitdummy::spitdummy::confused::confused::wideeyed::oops::shy::rolleyes::giggle::giggle::giggle::D

It goes something like that.

 

[Joan]

I use many of the same things mentioned above....exercise, gratitude, writing. I also use a lot of art from painting, textiles, mixed media, collage- some in effort to express my anger and other times to distract from or re-channeling that energy. For me it is important to think through what I am really angry at and to honor that and give it a place to be expressed in a healthy way. It is hard though!

 

[Chava]

My anger gets directed at myself, but it can be very intense, impulsive, and destructive. A lot of anger was misdirected at me when younger and I've just kept that going. Ditto Solara's notes on the work of noticing trigger or feeling and reaction and space in between. I was really drawn to meditation when a meditation teacher desbribed mindfulness as being able to create space between a feeling and the response...I loved that concept. So good job on getting into mindfulness and keep working on that and trying different avenues (different forms of meditatiin, yoga, other mindfulness practices) for creating that "space" which allows you the chance to have some choices. So you can feel angry and completely accept the feeling vs deny it, and begin to experiment more with various ways to release it when intense.

I also fnd exercise to be helpful, as well as scribbling and wrecking stuff that can be wrecked (I like the phone book idea above because I've shredded a few books...takes the energy level down a bit). And of course working in therapy to find more healthy outlets for that anger....

 

[GWhizz]

@RussH don't worry I asked for honesty so I'm not upset at all by your comment. Though I don't know how to even begin answering your question if I'm honest. I suffered major traumas from such a young age. I can't say I know myself any differently if that makes sense. Though I do know that I was not always like this. Since having a baby and all the flashbacks etc have started to flood in, my tolerance level is at an all time low right now, and when I'm triggered it's at a zero.

@Springer80 I know of course we can't have outbursts in our professional lives. But I guess he's just finding it tough having to deal with all these emotional highs and lows and then seeing me able to discuss my feelings calmly with close friends etc. Don't get me wrong, I communicate on it with him more than anyone, it's just he gets the more irrational me a lot of the time. I'm not trying to prevent releasing my anger at all by the way. I'm simply looking for suggestions on how to rechannel it in more effective ways. I am well able to assert myself when something is really bothering believe me. But that is okay. The built up emotion from my past or after a therapy session is not okay to lay onto him all the time in my opinion. No matter how understanding and accepting of me and my past he is, it is not healthy nor reasonable for me to continue this behavior longterm. I make sure not to put any of it on our child. But I want to try have as much willpower to be strong and more in control, so that I never do risk venting at our son or anyone else who does not deserve that.[DOUBLEPOST=1404760142,1404759899][/DOUBLEPOST]Thank you @Recovery4Me I really appreciate your thoughtful words. I want to grow in this area and I plan to work on it with my T too in the future and also may consider couples therapy. My relationship means so much to me. I am committed on working to ensure I give it the best chance, give me the chance too. Before I simply was self destructive and unwittingly destroyed my meaningful relationships. I'm not throwing away the good things anymore. I deserve to be happy and he deserves not to be pushed away all the time

 

[RussH]

@GWhizz I am not surprised that you are unable to answer the question yet; however you can start thinking about it,an possibly come up with an answer later. I hope so, just keep looking up.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I don't. My anger, along with all my other negative emotions, is automatically stored in a big, over-crowded vault inside my mind. Sometimes emotions spill out, but by then they've almost always turned into anxiety and/or depression. So that sucks, too.

Wanna trade? :p

 

[Recovery4Me]

((SnowWhite)) I am smiling at your knowledge of "stuffing emotions". Sounds like you have been working on learning how to accept anger. I hope it was meant as a truthful joke because I did really like it. (If not oops, my twisted humor and I am sorry).

Anger was taught to me in a class that anger is a second-hand emotion yet, the real underlying base-line cause was a form of fear.
Example:
Hubby does the same no-no thing for the 400th time: then I get angry because I may be considering that he doesn't ever really hear me or doesn't really care or________what ever negative "warpy" thinking that I have to get out of my head. Fear of_______(fill in the blank).

But at that moment my signal is anger until I reflect on it later. I acknowledge it. Then later, I have to review what fear is real for me, and if the fear is plugging into the past trauma or present. Further try to think on is this really a major or minor situation and is my response appropriate? I try to review my options and that is a whole other can of worms. It is work and sometimes shouting in the corner (in private to no one) helped me feel a quick validation.

I love everyone's input it is so awesome to learn from all the different approaches. Great thread GWhizz and thank you for the hugs!!:hug: Ps new babies make make us tired too and tired people loose a little patience so be kind to yourself.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

@Recovery4Me yes, it was a joke :) and I don't think you have a twisted sense of humor. But maybe that's just me being twisted, too.

And you were right: I have been doing a lot of thinking about this. I really want to get better at being.. well, human. I sometimes feel like I'm part robot because there's quite a big delay between events and my emotional response to them.

I like your take on the possible source of anger, too. If you wouldn't worry about the outcomes of people's bad behaviour, you probably wouldn't get angry with others very often. Interesting stuff, isn't it? :)

Edit: just wanted to add that I'm glad to have made you smile.

 

[RussH]

@Snowwhite Love ya Snow:)

 

[xena21]

I have always stuffed anger so as not to disturb anyone else. Why would I want to make anyone else's life miserable? I hate myself, so it's easy to take my anger and turn it inward. I don't have any significant other. I live alone. It gives me extra time to dwell on what I did wrong...once again. I hurt myself in some way and that takes care of the anger for a bit. It never works for long though.

 

[ghotiff]

I have learnt that I am far less edgy post work if I create a deliberate gap between work and home. A number of colleagues are the same but it seems stay at home partners often don't see this need and want their working partner come straight home from work.

From myself and colleagues, here is a collection of things we each do after work but before coming home. It has to be something that you enjoy and do not find a "chore"
- exercise / go to gym
- go to pub/cafe with friends
- have shower and get out of "work clothes"
- go for walk (maybe you could take baby in Stroller)
- meditate
- watch a specific Tv program
- read a book
- buy fresh produce for dinner
- have a long bath with door locked

I use these type of gaps not just from work but other social situations which I want to seperate from my home life.

Hope that helps.