How Do You (or Should You) Tell Family You Are Traumatised And Go To Therapy?

[Zoner]

Like really, they should know. If they werent in denial, they would.

I would like to go 'public' or at least make it known amongst my friends that I go to therapy and have issues. I think they are mature enough to handle it as they have done with other friends. However, they would not be comfortable keeping the secret.

I cant because my parents dont know.

 

[Agu]

i would tend to tread carefully with that one, we all have issues , every human - ptsd or no ptsd , but its personal and a public proclamation can bring unwanted consequences that are impossible to forsee at this point, i would suggest slowing down and thinking about it. Otherwise you may find yourself fending off people's innate curiosity when you need it the least

 

[Miluse]

It's really difficult to go public , it was for me! It was more about how they would percieve me and wether or not they would truly understand what I go through. I went live as i call it a year ago, I'd carried the burden of my horrific abuse and rape for 15 years and eventually could not cope any more as my cptsd took full control and left me in a complete mess. Fast forward, my family have been amazing , fully support me and have actually read up on it so they know how to deal with me when I'm bad. My work colleagues are really good , there's only a handful thst know because I'm the manager and I feel quite vulnerable that they would know the ins and outs of my life , and of course I don't feel like it's up for gossip !!! The ones that matter know and that's important because they know how to support me . It's also about my feelings that they would see me different and pity me and I would hate that because I've been through many challenges in life and self pity definately wasn't one of them.
I think when the times right for you then do it, don't feel pressured . For me I couldn't cope anymore carrying the burden and after I told my family I felt like a big burden had been lifted of me. There only regret as is mine was that I never told them years ago but I was trying to protect them and their feelings but in doing so I literally destroyed my life.
I hope you do find the confidence to speak to your friends and or family and I hope they are supportive to you. If all else fails you'll definately get full support on this forum . I can guarantee that. Good luck in your journey x

 

[Owakar]

are you a minor?

 

[Wewi]

I agree, caution would be advisable for this situation. I have known people who have told friends/family about not just mental issues, but physical health problems not associated with any kind of closet lifestyle, react very badly.
I am referring to things like MS, cancer even diabetes. Common illnesses that just happen to people.

But while that an intimidating prospect, it is by no means a guarantee. On the other side of the coin. I have known people who have had the people in their lives whom they believed would disown them, be their strongest supporters.

Long story short. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

 

[Otil]

I'll repeat the "be cautious"

I get my mother wondering what happened to me because to her, it couldn't possibly be from my early life (it probably started long before I was six months old)

I also have a well meaning and kind friend spending five minutes talking about how she's not going to serve a food which can trigger me - yeah, I'm flashing back like hell at the end of that.

your friends and family do not necessarily have the skills to handle you if they trigger big flashbacks

they may also (with the best of intentions) ask you about your traumas - possibly triggering you to flash back.

If you do tell them about the trauma, there are the two risks; one, you traumatize the hell out of them

or two, they fail to understand how badly it affected you, trauma is subjective, it is how you perceived it at the time which did the damage, not how they view it now, you then get the problems of them minimizing your experience or completely failing to understand and if it involves them, of them denying it.

incidentally, if you feel the need to post in the anonymous forum of a site where it is unlikely that anyone has actually met you face to face - you probably are not ready to go "public" with the people who do know you in meat space.

 

[Zoner]

I'm still quite young, I'm 20

 

[Zoner]

I want to have the weight lifted off my shoulders. I hate the secrets I have to keep and all the ways I have to be careful who and how I talk. I am past processing, I am now at a stage where I struggle with the effects of trauma, like self-loathing and suicidal ideation but not the trauma itself. It is c-trauma anyway. It is the kinda stuff that on its on wouldnt traumatise a person but when occurring on a regular basis for over 10 years it would. minimising is one of my biggest fear. I have told a brother and he basically told me "OH you might think it was like that but it wasnt, you are exagerating, it wasnt that bad"

tbh, I want to tell my friends more than my family. But I can't tell one without the other finding out eventually and the last thing I want is my family to find out second hand. The longer I spend in therapy, and the bigger my collective amount-of-money-spent-on-therapy gets, the more anxious I get.

 

[Ifer]

I know this is easier said than done but try to remember that the money you are spending on therapy, while expensive. Is money spent on making your life better for yourself.
I used to remind myself that I wouldn't think twice spending that money on education, or a mortgage, as those are investments into giving myself a better future. So is therapy.
Had I spent that money at a bar getting drunk. That would be a waste of money (something I also used to do).

As for your brother, he's half right (hear me out). For him it may not have been that way, or that bad. He is a separate person with his own mind, memories and coping skills. He did not live your life, nor was he ever in your shoes. Trauma is relative. It was bad for you. You have nothing to prove to anyone else. Always take care of yourself first, it may sound self centered but you are the only one who has to live in your head. It is only fair you should make your head as livable as possible.

 

[Eso]

3 people can keep a secret, if 2 of them are dead.

I keep people compartmentalized for a very good reason; I cannot control them. Someone has to be worth a helluva lot to me to blur those lines. For example, my rackmate from a certain time when I was in the military came to visit. They were worth more to me than the stories they would tell. In making the decision to have them come visit? I completely "let go" of any of the stories they would tell. People (aka my then husband, and his friends) would potentially hear things about me that I would never otherwise tell them.

If I'd cared about my friend any less? We'd have met at their hotel, not my home. If I trusted them any less, we'd have met at their hotel, not my home. Yes. Stories got out. My ex was a particular douche about them (bringing them up to other people, despite my asking him not to, again... Can't control other people). Knew it would happen. The exchange was worth it to me. I cared more for my friend than the truths they might tell, & the fallout from those truths getting out.

This isn't always the case.

I would probably have to remarry for my family to find out about my PTSD. I keep that part of my life highly segregated from my family. It would take that level of caring for someone to blur the lines between my family & my diagnosis. There are other ways they could find out, but I'd have to love the hell out of someone to intentionally mix those worlds.

 

[Hihu]

they fail to understand how badly it affected you, trauma is subjective, it is how you perceived it at the time which did the damage, not how they view it now, you then get the problems of them minimizing your experience or completely failing to understand and if it involves them, of them denying it.

This is the worst. Especially if part of your trauma is growing up in an invalidating environment. When I came out to friends and even my husband, my experiences and current post trauma stress were severely minimized and judged. I was called dramatic, overly sensitive, over emotional, accused of just wanting to avoid conflict. When I told one friend how difficult it was to no longer be able to connect with my husband emotionally because of his reactions to what I was going through she told me I needed to pick my battles in marriage and since she knows he doesn't talk about himself much I was expecting too much from him. I'm still recovering from the blows of betrayal from people I thought had my back 100%. My husband and I even separated for a year because he was unable to grow up enough to see things from my perspective. We're back together now but it was rough.

I'm not trying to scare you, OP. But please be cautious. I have one friend that has been absolutely fabulous and really does help make up for others' jerkiness.

You've been through enough so be careful not to re-traumatize yourself by telling the wrong people. Not everyone deserves to know your story. I learned that the hard way.