Can a therapist protect you, and should they? (Or, "How to feel safe in a therapist's office.")

[ILoveLife]

Partially because I am not sure how to react or not react. Which makes it scarier somehow.

Is it your responsibility to do something about it though? That's what I mean.
In these types of things, being the constant hero allows us to put ourselves last in line. As we should come first to ourselves.

Right now, you put everyone else first.

Do you protect your therapist from your life? By omitting stuff?
If so, maybe you can make a -list!- :P and just hand it over to her, of stuff you don't want to say in fear of she handling it badly or disclosing your information, or leaving therapy with you? If either of things things happened, it would be a good chance to stand up for yourself.

She participated in bullying me as a teen, though, and it is confusing to think about for me. She kept calling us bad kids alongside her husband, and then my mom joined in. It was really hard. It gets twisty and more confusing from there, though, so I think now is not a great time to explain that.

That's just terrible hun :hug: And you don't need to explain anything, I think that's enough for you to see that they take you for granted.

Emotional distance is possible even staying there. Just start putting yourself first in little things. Don't go everywhere with them, don't spend your entire days with them or locked in your room running from them, etc.. Do stuff for yourself, go to a bookstore to just browse and wish you were rich so you could have them all :P At least I do that, and it's immensely helpful.

 

[littleoc]

Do stuff for yourself, go to a bookstore to just browse and wish you were rich so you could have them all

Good plan!! There are two libraries near me. So I could wish less about being rich if I wanted to :P

Do you protect your therapist from your life? By omitting stuff?

Hm, yes. That’s spot on. I’m worried about her judgement but also afraid of disturbing her.

So, I should add that to the list, too, I suppose? :|

Thank you!

 

[ILoveLife]

No problem :hug:

 

[MyWillow]

My psydoc quietly wondered if I struggled to share stuff with her because I was worried it was too much for her. I’d never even considered it but my body’s reaction said she’d nailed it. We explored that in terms of my past experiences and she assured me that she is very strong - even though she is tiny - and could listen to anything I needed to tell her.

She also focuses on safety. She tells me I’m safe and always offers me choices - which is empowering- but I also have to practice telling my body I’m safe.

 

[littleoc]

We explored that in terms of my past experiences and she assured me that she is very strong - even though she is tiny - and could listen to anything I needed to tell her.

Hopefully my therapist reacts similarly. She’s taller than me so that helps a little?

I will ask about the choices. That’s a good idea!

 

[MyWillow]

Hopefully my therapist reacts similarly. She’s taller than me so that helps a little?

I will ask about the choices. That’s a good idea!

I’m SOOOOO much taller than my psydoc but let me tell you she punches well above her weight. She has such strength and is ok with the unknown and unpredictable. That’s a form of safety too.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Feeling safe in a therapist office is a critical component to recovery, I recently had to change therapists because I did not feel safe with my T anymore, in fact I felt threatened. Trauma at its core is about being or feeling safe, if you can't feel safe with a T then how can you expect to have a working relationship that is therapeutic.

 

[blackemerald1]

If you cannot concentrate or focus on the stuff you are going to the appointment for - why go?

@littleoc - this sounds a little like avoidance. We all do it but often don't recognise it when we are.

 

[littleoc]

If you cannot concentrate or focus on the stuff you are going to the appointment for - why go?

Great point

I will get into it later — more worse stressors came up and I am dealing with those — but my therapist mirrored that and what @recoveringfromptsd said, by saying that she was concerned that I wasn’t taking as much away as I would if I felt safe.

But yes, I did tell her, and we talked. It was scary. So, yes, I’d call it avoidance. If not irrational fear? I will give more details later for people in similar boats! I need a bit though.

 

[ILoveLife]

Depends on why you don't feel safe. If there are actual real reasons to not feel safe, ok. But if they are imagined reasons, yeah, some talking about it will help to work it out.

I really don't think not going is the answer, that's actual avoidance. But maybe I misunderstood what be said.

 

[littleoc]

I really don't think not going is the answer, that's actual avoidance. But maybe I misunderstood what be said.

I think maybe you did, unless I did? But in any case, no worries, I’m staying in therapy! :)

 

[blackemerald1]

No.. I didn't mean stop going - you are correct that would be the ultimate in avoidance lol...

I meant - there isn't much point going to therapy if one is overwhelmed with issue's that are not being addressed such as what was described... so sort it out and stop avoiding it..

:)