I’ve been through a lot the past few years with my sufferer… but I still have never abandoned her. I’ve said it many times that I wanted out before the diagnosis last year, but always out of frustration. Lately her mindset is that she has to keep a log of reasons to stay or go. Right off I’m offended by it slightly. In the 3 years we’ve been together she can only remember the negative and dismisses positives. I’ve never seen a list of good things I do for her. So she should have said I’m making a list of reasons to go so I can be justified when I tell people I was a victim of more abuse, neglect, etc. It’s been a pattern in her life. She just doesn’t see it.
It’s caused problems mostly because she said she’s leaving several times lately and only when I put a ton of effort into changing her mind does she relax. Honestly I feel she does this to manipulate the situation and take the pressure away from moving away from wherever her comfort zone is at the time. Allowing for her to not be responsible for anything or just not call her on it.
It’s self destructive IMHO… she has no job or vehicle. No real family/friend to go to and would end up in a shelter or something worse. But she’ll tell me she has no problem walking into the cold (northeast Ohio) without a second thought. I’m not so sure it’s to play on my sympathies but if it is she’s so stubborn she’ll do it rather than back down. I back down cause I don’t want to take the risk… I worry about her.
It will only get better when I say it’s my fault, whether it is or not. She was diagnosed with PTSD and Chronic Depression last year. I’ve read a lot on here and tried some of the advice but not much luck.
Last week she flew down to visit a friend out of state. A couple days before she was to leave, she was arguing with me and just wouldn’t stop. I got frustrated and said ‘why don’t you just f’n stay down there’ and walked away. This is happening more and more often. I’m worried that I’m beginning to care less though if she does. I’m tired… really tired and stressed out.
Tonight we were texting each other. I was asking her how the trip was going, being silly with some replies trying to get a smile out of her. Everything was fine until she started getting defensive and putting blame on me when I asked why she was so chatty tonight. For 3 days I didn’t hear a word from her and I only knew her plane got in OK because I asked but got brushed off pretty quickly.
So I asked if she was starting to miss me since i hadn’t heard from her in a few days. She said I pushed her away at the airport and started getting real defensive and blaming me for everything – which is normal these days.
I hugged her for at least a minute at the airport but she was short on time and is notoriously late. So I patted her on the butt and said she better get going, have fun, love you and let me know when you've made it ok. The weather was rough where she was going.
It just spiraled downhill from there. She said I was just looking for reasons to leave her anyway. I told her I never have and wouldn’t. Said I loved her, but she just insisted I was pushing her away, said I’m accountable for my actions and to blame…?
She’s actively trying to get better. Working this site a lot… but how do you get someone who’s suffering to understand that they keep playing the victim even when they are safe and have no reason to go there? I don’t know how to tell her any other way than being tough and telling her that when she does it… how do you do it with kids gloves?
How do you turn them around and away from feeling like they are being victimized again?
It’s caused problems mostly because she said she’s leaving several times lately and only when I put a ton of effort into changing her mind does she relax. Honestly I feel she does this to manipulate the situation and take the pressure away from moving away from wherever her comfort zone is at the time. Allowing for her to not be responsible for anything or just not call her on it.
It’s self destructive IMHO… she has no job or vehicle. No real family/friend to go to and would end up in a shelter or something worse. But she’ll tell me she has no problem walking into the cold (northeast Ohio) without a second thought. I’m not so sure it’s to play on my sympathies but if it is she’s so stubborn she’ll do it rather than back down. I back down cause I don’t want to take the risk… I worry about her.
It will only get better when I say it’s my fault, whether it is or not. She was diagnosed with PTSD and Chronic Depression last year. I’ve read a lot on here and tried some of the advice but not much luck.
Last week she flew down to visit a friend out of state. A couple days before she was to leave, she was arguing with me and just wouldn’t stop. I got frustrated and said ‘why don’t you just f’n stay down there’ and walked away. This is happening more and more often. I’m worried that I’m beginning to care less though if she does. I’m tired… really tired and stressed out.
Tonight we were texting each other. I was asking her how the trip was going, being silly with some replies trying to get a smile out of her. Everything was fine until she started getting defensive and putting blame on me when I asked why she was so chatty tonight. For 3 days I didn’t hear a word from her and I only knew her plane got in OK because I asked but got brushed off pretty quickly.
So I asked if she was starting to miss me since i hadn’t heard from her in a few days. She said I pushed her away at the airport and started getting real defensive and blaming me for everything – which is normal these days.
I hugged her for at least a minute at the airport but she was short on time and is notoriously late. So I patted her on the butt and said she better get going, have fun, love you and let me know when you've made it ok. The weather was rough where she was going.
It just spiraled downhill from there. She said I was just looking for reasons to leave her anyway. I told her I never have and wouldn’t. Said I loved her, but she just insisted I was pushing her away, said I’m accountable for my actions and to blame…?
She’s actively trying to get better. Working this site a lot… but how do you get someone who’s suffering to understand that they keep playing the victim even when they are safe and have no reason to go there? I don’t know how to tell her any other way than being tough and telling her that when she does it… how do you do it with kids gloves?
How do you turn them around and away from feeling like they are being victimized again?
