How Is Trauma Processed?

[Friday]

How do we fold it up in a neat little package and tuck it away?

Bad news... That's kind of the opposite of processing.

Roughly half my trauma I processed on accident a loooong time ago, and the other half I boxed up and locked away. Guess which half has absolutely no effect on me whatsoever (although it did at the time, it hasn't for 15 years), and which half hit me like a freight train, and came packed with flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, triggers, stressors, lost time, zoning out, et al?

It's very much like celery. (Unless celery is a trigger for you? In which case pick any other random noun or verb). I couldn't care less about celery. I can eat it, talk about it, buy it, see it, have a sword fight with it... Celery is a non-starter. I don't have to box it up and put it away, because it has no effect on me whatsoever. It's just celery. Are there times celery might be a problem for me? Sure. If it's gotten all gross and slimy, or I get poked in the eye with it, or whatever... But it's a hugely transitory thing. I throw the slimy stuff in the garbage, and buy new celery, or my eye hurts for a day, and done. Exact same with the parts of my trauma I already processed. Every once in awhile something smacks me from it, and... Nothing. A momentary thing, that passes.

When I first got all symptomatic, again, my entire focus was on how to box up all of this -everything- :wtf: so it didn't affect me anymore. A couple years into that battle, a few things happened; one of which was realizing that it was only the stuff IN Pandora's box that was hurting me. The rest of it? Was utterly powerless. I had a handle on it, instead of the other way around, and it having a handle on me. LeSigh. Dammit.

 

[watundah]

Thanks, :-)
I understand it doesnt go away;
I want it all to turn into celery so it can then be tucked away. Like processed cheese.
I dunno. It is hard to be objective and see growth. My spouse tells me I am stronger now, after plodding thru the muck with tenacity. It seems like I'm wading through yogurt sometimes.

Food makes for great analogies...

 

[Gs172003]

Bad news... That's kind of the opposite of processing.

Roughly half my trauma I processed on accident...

God I love your analogies lol lol

 

[Abstract]

I guess, from personal experience, we are trying desperately to contain or deny it. To keep our identity and lives away from it, separate it from us, and when we do that it smashes itself through our denial and avoidance aggressively. Randomly. Out of control. Holding our lives hostage. Let it out and see it and process it and it meshes with our history and life and the pain washes through our lives like a black tidal wave. But after it is eventually integrated into normal memory, the majority of the pain released, and the lack of control and helplessness decreases or is gone. The hard thing is accepting both that we can't avoid and get over it, and that we can't get over it without first riding that black tidal wave of pain. I tell myself it is there anyway, subterranean and controlling my life but it is a hard thing to accept regardless. I just want it not to be my story. But rewriting history it seems doesn't work. I have tried darn hard. Sure to keep trying intermittently (these days even though I don't want to) as sadly it seems it is my brains go to MO.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I don't think there is only one way or formula for processing trauma memories. Everyone is unique and so the journey will look different for each person.

There are definitely common themes and specific work in facing it, but overall, what works for one person might not for someone else.

Not a very encouraging post...

 

[Friday]

There are definitely common themes and specific work in facing it, but overall, what works for one person might not for someone else

Or even, I've been coming to find, same person & different traumas. :wtf:

I don't think that's discouraging, though, really. If anything, many paths to the same destination? Not as easy as we might like (Where's the Easy-Button when we need it?!?), but the more ways to get to somewhere, the better the chance of doing so, yeah? To me that's encouraging.

 

[Ronin]

I tend to take 'processed' as 'I can choose how much it affects me at this point'.

As in can choose when I'm spending the time with it, how much I'm affected, in what ways and can just rush past it and let it go without it being denial and avoidance.

Instead of being absorbed in the thing, no matter how small. & 'Processing' as 'I'm there with some bits, some others I can't, but it's not something that breaks my most foundational concepts.'

 

[watundah]

Good point, recovery can be way different re: same person, multiple traumas.
Recovering from the trauma of a head-on collision or 9.0 earthquake was a walk in the (terrorizing, fear-filled) park vs years of trying to quiet cptsd from a f*d up childhood.

And perhaps we have a choice in how much it impacts us to some extent - do some anxiety busting exercises, etc. - but does it ever become flat and insignificant? I want to go to that happy land.

I dunno, I feel I've been working haaaard, reading, writing, talking, exercising, head scratching, feeling, doing yoga, thinking, art journaling, trying multiple modalities in therapy, and it seems as though it's an endlessly long road ahead. Yeah, Easy Button, please!

Key is, don't let it define who we are but keep doing something to plod toward a full and happy life, even if it does mean climbing over or through the Guiness Book of World Records Largest Pile of Horsesh*t.

 

[Crow]

I haven't read all the responses but PTSD is the body stuck in an unending cycle of threat. So to me processing trauma is helping the body complete the circuit. Emotions are a huge part but secondary to the physicality.

 

[Gs172003]

Good point, recovery can be way different re: same person, multiple traumas.
Recovering from the traum...

That book I have says that trauma infected on purpose ( your cptsd) tends to be harder to deal with than other types ( earthquake, accident) because of the evil ( for lack of a better word) behind it ( that's the gist anyway)

 

[watundah]

Makes sense - betrayal by those whom we trust most vs external or environmental influences.

 

[Ronin]

It's different dimensions of harm & hurt, certainly.