Relationship How Long To Wait While Isolating/taking Break???

[g6khk0]

Below is an email I received from my GF? last Sunday evening (7 days ago). I haven't heard from her since. Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions? Do I keep my distance? Would a short email just saying that I hope she's doing OK push her further into isolation?

I am 54 and she is 47. This came out of the blue as we have spent almost every weekend together (no sex) for months and she made it a point to introduce me to what family she has (no kids for her) and to social functions to meet her friends during the holidays. We live 2 hours apart and I would stay at a hotel there or she would stay in my spare bedroom here. Is she just needing a break or is it permanent? I was her first attempt at a relationship in 10 years since her ex cheated on her.

She is usually very good about paragraph breaks when we write and this one was all in one paragraph accept for her last sentence. Please see a copy of the email below:

<Edited by Anthony: the person did not give permission for their email to be reproduced here.>

 

[SeekingSerenity]

g6khk0 listen to her, stay away, dont contact her at all. She says she will get back to you, and she will. If you try to contact her you will push her away.

Believe me, I know exactly how hard that is, it bites man! But you have to do it. She needs to know that she can trust you, prove it to her, stay away.

When she gets back to you, things will be good, really good. Thats my advice buddy, sorry its such a hard one to swallow.

 

[g6khk0]

Thanks SeekingSerenity, I have stayed away and had no contact whatsoever. One of the toughest things I've ever done.

We had plans to attend a production at the theatre this past Saturday so I took my daughter instead. We also was supposed to go out to a local club in her area on Friday evening and see one of her friends perform in a band. Since I live 2 hours away of course I didn't go, but I did get a message from one of her friends asking where I was since she was there and I wasn't. That was a little difficult to take. Is it normal to isolate from a BF but still stay social with others? These folks that she would have been with are by her words sometimes depressing.

We also had plans to start Beginners Ballroom dancing last week, I went by myself and will go tonight by myself. Hopefully when she sees that I continued on with "our" plans she isn't offended.

I was very fortunate in my career and was able to retire early so staying busy in retirement is very important. It's even more important now to keep myself occupied while waiting for her. An idle mind ...

I'm just wondering how I'll handle it if it goes 3, 4, or more weeks. She once told me that she was in this very dark place for a couple of years and because of me has finally came out the other end into this bright new world. I'm hoping she's strong enough to stay away from the dark.

Again, thank you SeekingSerenity for enforcing my doing the right thing and not contacting her. Hopefully this knot in the pit of my stomach goes away soon, it's driving me crazy.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

Unfortunately there are only two certain guarantees in life. And some can avoid taxes...

What is a definite though is pushing her away if you give in and try to make contact. My Beloved took 13 long and agonising days before she just let me know that she was still alive, and a few more days after that before she was even nearly ready to start talking again. But it was worth the wait in the end... I had no finger nails left, I was smoking triple what I normally smoked, I was getting by on 2 - 3 hours sleep a night. It was hard mate, but she came back to me.

She did see other friends during that time, but I learned that it was because she was able to hide from them emotionally. They never knew, but with me, because she loved and trusted me, she wasnt able to hide those emotions, and they hurt her too much. She had to deal with them first.

Hang in there g6khk0, it bites, I know, but what choice do you have? Throw it all away, or hang on to the dream? I hung onto my dream, and I got lucky, very very lucky. I am holding thumbs for you mate.

 

[g6khk0]

Thank you again Seeking Serenity! I really appreciate your input.

I'm an ex-smoker so I'm very thankful for having the willpower to not go back. I smoked 2 packs a day for over 30 years and just quit 3 years ago. I have been very tempted to smoke "just one" to relieve the stress.

Instead I just put the ipod on and go for a walk. I did a personal best half a marathon in 2.75 hours on Saturday just to help. Another part of our future goals is to do a full marathon in less than 5 hours.

I will keep true to her wish that I not contact her and hope that she overcomes her fears soon. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? We'll see.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

Jeez mate! Today is day 29 that I have not had a smoke!

12 Weeks ago I got out of breath just thinkiong about exercise, now I am running 5k in 30:29 (personal best)

I'm turning my life around, so that when she gets home and we stand at the altar, I can give her a long and healthy life together. She deserves that, and so do I.

Keep up the running, its great exercise, and the natural endorphines released are super! Stick to your goals, and achieve them, and make new ones...

Absence does make the heart grow fonder buddy, I havent seen my Beloved since Aug 2011, and I wont see her until end July this year, 190 days to be precise. My heart grows fonder every day.

"Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."Dead Link Removed

Courage g6khk0, thats what we gotta have...

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[g6khk0]

That's great that you quit smoking. I look back and can't believe it's been that long for me. Before you know it you will hardly ever think about it. You can and will continue to be smoke free, for both of your sakes!

Patience is a virtue we all need more of. I'm thankful that I am able to control myself for the most part in everything that life throws at me. It takes patience!