Relationship How Often Does A Person With Ptsd Want To Be Contacted?

[HollyB]

As a corollary to Faith's question about how often to contact, I'd love to hear from sufferers about what medium is preferred. On a continuum, it seems that phone calls are worst, emails are best, and texts are somewhere in the middle... and that each seems to carry a different level of pressure felt by the particular sufferer to respond. Is that a fair take-away?

 

[Philippa]

First one, yea, I think that since no one ever calls me or contacts me, no one really cares much about me. I don't make it more complicated than that, I just isolate and havent really given many people a reason to care about me. Its not that its impossible for anyone to care about a person like me, I just don't think there is anyone who does care much about me. Obviously sometimes people just get busy with other things, but since NO ONE ever really contacts me or reaches out to me, I don't think anyone cares.

I can see how you may conclude this. I just wanted to challenge you a little by asking if you ever contact anyone you know?

If the answer is no, then maybe they think you don't care about them as well? Is it possible that because you are so self-isolating people you do know have decided that you don't like them, so they won't contact you? People generally like to have some proof that you want them to contact you, so if you never go out and socialize, they might just figure you don't.

I've had people reject me flat out and it was because they thought I was rejecting them, by always hanging out in my room and never making the effort to socialize.

It sounds like you are very introverted as well, and this may contribute to you feeling overwhelmed when you do socialize. Maybe your insecurities about being unloveable are being picked up on by others and they are instinctively withdrawing from you because you don't think you deserve anyones attention and love.

To me it seems more like you don't give anyone the chance to get to know you or like you, let alone love you and care about you.

Do you ever reach out to them? Give them a sign that you are interested and things might change for the better.

 

[Abstract]

Just speaking for myself here but I get extremely self hating as a result of not being able to reply and reciprocate. As a result when my symptoms are up I dread friends contacting me. Sometimes it seems to almost be a bigger issue and a trigger of some type as I go into freezes but I really can't understand that properly.

Regardless I would find it very helpful if contact was accompanied with something that made it clear there was no need to reply.

With my H what is helpful is again for him not to have expectations of me but to be caring and show he cares. Very unfair of course as all these things are very one sided and that does make me hate myself. Which then again makes things worse.

I do do all I can whenever possible to make sure that my loved ones know it is not them and that I care and hope that helps a little.

I think putting forth something to him to see if it is something that would help for him is a great idea.

 

[99Phoenix99]

I'm also wondering if mixed messages are being sent sometimes. Sometimes I say at least acknowledge the email/text. Sometimes when I just get a one word response, then I'm complaining because he didn't expound on the thought. Is this a part of just being a woman? LOL How much should supporters read into the lack of response or type of response?

Renee lol I don't think it's because you're a woman. I think that's the difference between a "sufferer" and a "supporter". My ex always commented on how he felt like "the woman" in the relationship because he felt like he was being clingy, even though he wasn't a clingy person in general. It's just that he never dealt with someone like me before. I'm the kind of person who's just happy to have people talking. I'll add my two cents when need be, but that's about it.

I wasn't like that before my delayed onset of PTSD, but that's just what ended up happening. I'm just so used to NOT talking to people about things, that when someone asks me about something or asks me to give an opinion I give a quick statement and answer them. To me it seems like a perfectly good answer. More so than I ever normally would answer. But then I get the "And what else look" ... and I'm a little at a loss. For me, my answer was perfectly detailed and valid. For someone else? Apparently I couldn't have been more bland and vague.

As for the lack of response? Generally I don't respond because that's a subject I don't want to deal with. I don't want to be an ass and say "I don't want to talk about it" so... I just ignore it... which I admit is equally crappy of me. It's not the person. It's the topic of conversation. But then again I'm not really sure what you're talking about or much detail about your situation so it's really hard to say. But my best guess is it's the topic.

 

[99Phoenix99]

On a continuum, it seems that phone calls are worst, emails are best, and texts are somewhere in the middle...

It really depends on the person.

I personally hate texting. It's tedious and I find it impersonal. I'd rather have a phone and hear a person's voice. I know bring out the pitch forks because I must be a witch of some sort to say that in this day and age. But it's so much easier to just call someone. I will text all the same but it's not something I enjoy.

I find a person talking to me soothing. Especially if they're just telling me about their day. I like that they're sharing their day with me. And from their story something might resonate with me and remind me of something I did. If you asked me straight up "What did you do?" I'd give the droned answer of "Ummm...." But talk to me and tell me about your day and that'll trigger something I had forgotten about. ANd then I'd share that. I certainly don't talk as much as the other person did but I enjoy it quite a bit.

 

[Abstract]

I find an Online forum format (;)) easiest, texts second, emails third, and in person most difficult. I can simultaneously have zero problem speaking to someone from the bank for example. :confused:

 

[Tinyflame]

I used to care more about communication, but as a sufferer mind you. Now it doesn't matter to me.

 

[Dallas]

My boyfriend with combat PTSD refuses to text, ever. He only uses the phone. At times when he wasn't feeling well, I wrote him actual letters, which he really liked.

Sincerely,
Dallas.