How PTSD Changed My Life

[angelsinmyheart]

My boyfriend is a (now retired) US Infantry Marine. He completed one 8 month tour in Iraq and was diagnosed with TBI and PTSD 4 months later after he tried to take his own life.

Two years later, I think it helps that I know the majority of his triggers, so we can usually avoid situations that might set him off. I witnessed one of his episodes not too long ago though, and it was one of the scariest times for me. Its situations like that when I remember that he has PTSD and I feel completely helpless.

For the longest time I thought that no one understood what I was going through with my boyfriend. My friends did not support my relationship at all and the support network of military wives/fiances/girlfriends that I had while he was enlisted suddenly disappeared as soon as he was retired.

I still don't always know how he's going to react in different situations and when he goes off his medicines he changes a lot. He has made such great progress though, I'm just scared something will happen and all of his success will disappear.

I also had a really close friend who developed PTSD during his year long deployment in Iraq. It hurts me so much to say that he died while serving his country. His death changed me significantly, and has made me want to help all people diagnosed with PTSD and their loved ones.

I'm happy I found this site, it makes me feel so much less alone as a carer.

(I hope its ok that I used some of my reply to another thread as my introduction.)

 

[Shoka]

Dear Angels,

Welcome to the forum, you are not alone.

When you say that his episodes have been scary times for you, I can really relate to that. I've also had friends that don't understand PTSD and have voiced their "concern" about my staying in the relationship I'm in.

The good news is that since I post here, I feel like I have more support and understanding in my life. I have come to appreciate the sometimes almost brutal honesty from carers who have been here longer than I.
I've learned a lot which has helped me to cope and live my life at a higher quality of living rather than just constant "Survival" mode.

For me, the golden rule for carers is to learn to take care of yourself and your mental well being first. Being a regular on the forum is one of the things I do to take care of myself.

Again, welcome!

Shoka

 

[angelsinmyheart]

Shoka,

Thank you so much for your response.

I think the hardest thing for me right now is that my friends didn't support me at all in the beginning and still have their doubts despite how long we've been together. My best friend would email me all sorts of news articles about military personnel with PTSD who abused or killed their loved ones. I guess she did it because she was worried about me, but it just made me mad and upset. She never took the time to learn more about PTSD or to learn his story.

How do I get support from my friends?

Also, there is something that has been bugging me for most of our relationship. My boyfriend has told me stories about Iraq and what happened to him while he was there. There is one part to his story though that he has started telling me a couple of times but then stops and says he doesn't want to talk about it and to never ask him.

Is this something I should be worried about? Do I push him to tell me? Or do I just understand that this is a war experience that he would rather black out? I'm scared that if I do push him to tell me, the story might be a trigger and cause him to lose some or all of his progress.

Help? Please.

 

[Clydiechick]

Hi

Welcome to the forum and thank you for joining. This is a great place to get support and we do understand some of the things your are experiencing.

Don't push your bf to do or say anything. I don't think that would work at all. Your bf has done and seen things that nobody should have to see, sometimes you can't put how you feel about it into words and sometimes you don't want to. He will tell you when he's ready, if ever.

You are obviously very supportive and caring and that is why you are here. I don't know what you can say to your friends other than if they care about you, they will see you care about your bf and that is your choice. It is a journey you have conciously chosen to be on and they need to accept that.

Not that I am any example to set. Us PTSD sufferers are the kings and queens of pushing the people closest to us away, it is very difficult for us to maintain close relationships.

Maybe you could suggest that your bf read some of the posts here, he may or may not be that type of guy. I hope he is in therapy and I hope for you he continues with his meds.

Take care of yourself, I wish you all the best
Clydiechick

 

[tryintobreathe]

Angel,

Welcome to the forum. You are not alone! I think you will find a lot of helpful information and also this is a great place to make some connections and share experiences. As for your friends....PTSD is an illnes....would they react the same way if your boyfriend had cancer and you decided to stay by his side and help him?

Your boyfriend is very lucky to have you. I am so sorry to hear about your friend who lost his life serving in Iraq.

Jen