How To Act On Forums?

[anthony]

Often an interesting question, which can have any number of responses. Why am I posting this? Easy... as this forum pretty much has no rules beside use of commonsense, I thought it apt to highlight some commonsense, or as I see it, commonsense.

After some post reporting, members coming to me in order to get within disputes, etc... every person gets the same answer from me, something along the lines of, "sort it out yourself, I'm not your mediator." Everyone here are adults, are combat veterans.

Now this is just my opinion... but to me, commonsense. Could be wrong... but this is where honesty is the best policy based on my experience in forums over a decade now.

Tell people the truth, don't encourage or provide an intention of endorsement to something in forum posts, then behind the scenes, run a private conversation with x participants saying the opposite.

What happens? Well, commonsense says, if you encourage something said in the public sphere, then complain about it behind their backs, then that person will continue doing exactly what is pissing you, or many off, because you continue to endorse or encourage something on here that is not helpful, appropriate, or has been beaten to death already and now just becoming annoying.

My advice... always provide the truth, you may just have to think about it first and put it tactfully, and if that doesn't work, go for the blunt option and hope the person doesn't get to offended, or simply accept the passive-aggressive approach, "your constant raising this is pissing me off because xxxxxxx, and I apologize now if this offends you, but that is what I feel."

Its not a numbers game, where people should gang up on another either... simply, if people state the truth more often on what they feel, then step back and leave things alone. Don't bully, don't be just as bad trying to force your opinion down another's throat, have your say and leave it alone. The person gets to choose what they do, but if people aren't honest with one another in the first place, that choice can be over-looked without such knowledge.

Just food for thought and only my opinion on how adults should interact with one another at all times on a forum like this that has no rules outside of commonsense.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

I think honesty, respect, patience and tolerance enable trust to grow and are good standards. Difference of opinion I can respect but I say no to bullying and hope that verbal attacks amongst our membership can be avoided.

I've learnt the value of having a rant and I've seen some people write at the end that they are not looking for or wanting a response. I can respect that too.

 

[abnvet]

I sure do agree. Sometimes a vent is the only thing that I'm looking for. Just a media to post frustrations as we deal with our daily activities. This forum provides a great avenue to do so and has members who have many of the same feelings that I have through my vents......

 

[Jimmy1]

I think that is what defines us. Although there is no such thing as Combat PTSD, I believe there is a difference.
And I know I can generally tell by just the way people write in this forum.
I have been a member of the other forum and people there openly talk about their traumas where as veterans seldom do. Usually only at the start when they are lost and confused.

Personally, I don't need to be on the forum anymore, but I like to think that I can actually make a difference and help someone. And having a place to vent is all that is required sometimes.

 

[reddevil1111]

I dont think I can ever tell someone who was not there what happened. I have tried little bits and it just does not work out well. I cant even put it well to words and its not easy to talk about either.
I am real plain in my thinking and thoughts. I keep it open, honest and direct. If you dont like what I say thats fine but say it to my face or in a PM not behind my back ever. I think thats how 99% of the people in here see this as well. This is not a place to play games, it's a place to talk frankly about things that you cant ANYWHERE ELSE.
Think of it this way, if this site went away, what could you do to vent and talk to others? I know I am new and not privvy to the bickering that might be on here. But I do know how much I value this site. I wish I had somewhere like this to go to 20 years ago and the stuff everyone else posts helps me out as well. So thanks to everyone for the help!

 

[Jimmy1]

I was a member of PTSD Forum. Yes it was a help, but there were too many rules, and some people on this forum have problems with spelling, and grammar etc. Then they directed me here. That was late 09, and to be honest, I would be lost without it now.

People have branded me on here as putting things bluntly, well I don't think there is any other way. Yes you have to be cautious in sensitive areas, but the whole idea about this forum is to be able to speak your mind, ask questions, or just sit back and learn. In the early days I did not post much at all, now I feel like I am making a difference.

Your right though Dan, if we offend then people can either tell us directly, PM, or even report it which goes straight to Anthony. But as Anthony has said many a time, if you are going to take offence to something someone has said about one of your posts, then don't post.

This is also why I suggested to label your thread 'VENTING' if you just want to let people know you are not having a good day.

I would be lost without this place now and thank Anthony for allowing us opportunity and the place to be where we feel we belong.

 

[willis williams]

Hell I can't spell or use grammer very well and I usually catch it after I post and make fun of it my self. I haven't been on as much as usual so I ain't sure of any bickering. I have probably had plenty of complaints when the carers were here because I was to blunt sometimes. But I guess most people that bitch aren't very happy with themselves at that moment. But other than some heated debates or the occasional someone getting on to someone for dogging themselves it has been a wounderful help. Some nights when I can't sleep or just need encouragement I log on and read or just post a bit off the subject to clear my mind of what is keeping me up.TEX

 

[Sarg]

I agree wholeheartedly! This IS the BEST PTSD site I've ever been on. I've received clear, concise guidance that has helped me. I am better able to understand my disease, hearing it from other members. I'm better able to make decisions on what avenues to take in treatment. Forty years of VA treatment only made things worse. Many of we Vietnam Veterans suffered in silence for so many years with no one understanding what was wrong with us or how to treat it.

Jimmy and Anthony have pointed me in the direction I need to go. Oh, guys, I got the PTSD book, now if I can only uncross my eyes enough to read it, I'll be set.

I suffer from being very direct. If I say something that rubs you wrong, say so! I've got a leather exterior and a heart of butter, hit me with it, I promise not to go tell my mommie!

It is difficult to understand, but this site, the members on it, the things discussed has helped in preventing my mind from going down in to deep, dark places, where a person certainly should not be. Thereby, I will do all that I can to keep the peace and the site up and running.

My deepest thanks!

Sarg

 

[willis williams]

Sarg, my father is a nam veteran something like 2 1/2 tours he got out the army for a touch and went back in. He served 28 yrs all together. I can remember getting back handed to the ground many of times one in perticular. I was 6 yrs old he was teaching me how to shoot I turned with my muzzle up but towards other folks he grabbed the muzzle and nocked the living shit out of me. I used to get the belt on a regular basis. My dad is still the only man to break my nose I had it coming though. It wasn't till I got back myself that we ever became friends. SO I PERSONALLY AM SORRY FOR ALL THE NAM VETS THAT HAVE SUFFERED IN SILIENCE BECAUSE I WAS ONE OF THOSE THAT COULD HAVE TRIED A LITTLE HARDER TO HELP THE SITUATION BUT SPEND ALL MY TIME THINKING HE WAS A BASTARD.
Now that we became friends it is great. I remember him picking me up from the airport stopping and buying a six pack handing me one even though I was under age and starting to cry and appolagized for all he put me through he said he new my sister couldn't have handled it and we have been pals ever since.

Just thought I would throw in one of those touching moments. TEX

 

[Sarg]

Naw, Tex, don't apologise for anything. Nobody knew back then. Yeah, we had seen the WWII guys. We, you and I had seen a lot of them as my Dad spent 22 yrs. in the Air Force, as well. Remember the jumpy guys that would jump through their skins if you barely touched them? Nobody knew. It was "shell shock", ect. Plus, folks didn't think as highly of the military as they did during WWII.

We were the physical manifestation of the war everybody hated. To the old timers, we lost the war. To those our age we were baby killers and murderers, to employers, we were druggies and heroine addicts. To the VA we just wanted to suck off the government's tit. Pretty stiff odds. So, we shut the f*ck up. Quit telling people we were there or what we did.

It was safer, but it made us sicker. You can't keep that kind of crap bottled up for decades and not have it do permanent damage. Yep, your Dad was rough on you, mine was on me. But PTSD seems to dine on a diet of extremes. Extreme anger. Extreme depression.

I guess the best I'll ever do is to grind the sharp edges off the extremes and try exist with the beast as much as possible.

Sarg

 

[Jimmy1]

Yep, there is no happy medium for PTSD. As I have mentioned in another thread, went away to work while he was still in the Police Force then joined the Army the next year. I was posted 3000 km away. And you know, I never really got to know my Dad. I never got to have a beer with him. Yes he met my children, but he was sick by then.
It was like he just gave up. Then Alzheimers hit.

Wow, off on a tangent again.

Coming back on to subject, I don't think there will be any problems on the forum with just us veterans. For the female veterans, I don't think any of the swearing will bother them (girls, let us know if it does), but the ability to speak our mind without offending is great.

I was a member on the other forum and go attacked for my posts several times.

Glad this site is here, especially at the present. Thanks again Anthony.

 

[Sarg]

Oh! My apology ladies. Will filter out the foul mouth from now on.

Sarg