how to break out of avoidance

[Mach123]

That was beautifully put. The therapist was yelling at me this week to "do something."

She doesn't yell but I'm understanding finally my filters are so messed up and the horrible negativity and ugliness I internalised from my abuse.

Yes, avoidance and self soothing and trying to be nice and forget it.

But you can't forget it because it's you so you stew in it always if you avoid everything or not.

I just think it's easier not to be reminded constantly.

Before we married, having already been in therapy and understanding I liked drugs and other distractions (avoidance tools) overmuch with no idea why, I said to my future partner, "I know I have plenty wrong with me and I don't need anyone reminding me of it always."

Oh well.

 

[Ajtalex011235]

how does one differentiate between avoidance and procrastination? As a child I used to have this reoccurring dream of being held down where I was trying with all my will power to escape, but there was something holding on my thighs while my lower legs below my knee could move. I then have no memory beyond that point because I woke up. I had this dream regularly as a child. I also had reoccurring dreams of amputation. I also had reoccurring dreams of jumping off a high location. I also had reoccurring dreams of being stuck in the middle of the ocean as a child as well. I also have a severe phobia with snakes. I would be curious to hear if anyone has opinions?

 

[artpop]

I have no real advice because I'm in the same boat. A lot of mine comes from thinking my trauma is like, lesser than others? like sure I was r*ped but not like other people where yanno, it wasnt like in an alley at gun point or something so my brain like, discredits it. I can't even state my trauma outright or say the word- even just like thinking the word upsets me to like a ridiculous level.
I avoid most real life things pertaining to trauma- different stores, different cars, and even therapy where I would have to talk about it. But I've found media to be a good way of exploring those themes without triggering myself too badly. I enjoy superheros, so the tv series Jessica Jones was a good one for me. Just kind of making me root for someone with similar (albeit worse) trauma tends to get my brain out of a static loop.
I've also found like, my favored unhealthy coping mechanism is to just purposefully fully trigger myself into a break down which also shakes me out of that static loop but its also yanno, a really mean thing to do to yourself.
Regardless I hope you find something that works for you :)

 

[joeylittle]

how does one differentiate between avoidance and procrastination?

I'd consider procrastination to be an avoidant behavior. Generally, with PTSD, when we say "avoidance" it's referring to avoidant behavior, as referenced in the diagnostic criteria -

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by one or both of the following:

1. Avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).
2. Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

So, when you're looking at procrastination - you can first ask yourself, "am I delaying doing this because of a direct association to the traumatic event?" If you are, then you'd be able to address it with that in mind, get ideas for techniques/skills, etc.

If it's not directly related to the trauma, then you're likely looking at some underlying cause for the behavior - and it's likely it'll be something you can tie into a negative core belief.

Personally - I'm a procrastinator. It's a big thing I struggle with. It's been useful to sort out for myself how much of the avoidance is/has been tied to trauma, and how much is tied to some cognitive distortions/core beliefs I've built up over time. Some of those are indirectly related to the trauma, but they are also influenced by other things. I find CBT useful for working on those. Everyone's different, though.

 

[siniang]

I too am a big time procrastinator. For me, I've broken it down to three reasons to varying degrees at different times:

1) procrastinate to create stress - my #1 coping mechanism. I've "always" (at least since high school) been a "finish assignment the night before" kind of person.

2) avoid negative feelings that might come up when dealing with whatever it is I have to deal with. For me, this is not trauma-related but core belief/distortion

3) Procrastination, for me, is a form of self-manipulation, emotional self-harm. I push off things (like paying bills or booking travels or even pushing that assignment to the last minute) fully conscious about how it will create more pain in one way or another this way (because things get more expensive when I wait, I have to stress out to finish things , ...)

This is also something I want to work with T on, at some point.

 

[Ajtalex011235]

The other thing that I notice is that unexpected sounds can startle me, but it only seems to happen when my parents do that.

Right now at this very moment. I feel anxious, I heard my mother say something about me. She is very passive-aggressive and it completely triggers me. It almost feels like she knows exactly what to do to cause myself to triggered. I then go into this phase where I have this fear of harming myself, but I believe it’s all in my head because I watch every move I make in order to make sure I did not harm myself. Some people may say this is OCD, but in reality it is PTSD AS I AM BEING TRIGGERED. I never end up hurting myself, but I tend to be the opposite of someone who harms themselves. I sometimes fear that others will try to control my thoughts to harm myself. I know others can’t control me, but I feel as if I am fending off their advances. I can also go into a stupor where I feel frozen in fear. I have been getting better by realizing that since my mother was not speaking to me, then it is irrelevant to me even if it was about me. One thing that helps is wearing headphones as this prevents the startled response. I also noticed that when I was getting severe flashbacks of my trauma, it caused excessive hand washing. I am feeling better now, which is good. The hand washing is only a problem when I get the flashbacks, otherwise the excessive hand washing is non-existent. The way I look at it, is that I am not going to imply anything because I did not hear the whole conversation between my mother and father.

I love this forum, thank you all for reading my messages:

At this moment in time, I have decided that I am going to force myself to do things even if they are uncomfortable. The way I see it, is that it’s my past traumas, that have caused me to have severe forms of both avoidance and procrastination. For example I just responded to a message on a different forum. I then started to get worried, what if the person is jealous of me in some way. I then said to myself that who cares if they are or not. It makes no difference in my life. The disturbing thought I then get, what if there jealous thoughts of me are intended to control my thoughts, so that they can purposely harm me in a physically violent way, so they don’t feel bad about themselves anymore. I then concluded that the only reason I am thinking these thoughts is because of my previous traumas. What I have noticed is that my PTSD symptoms come out in irregular ways. Once I say to myself, what I am thinking is completely illogical. Therefore it must be my past traumas that are causing me to think in contradictory ways. Therefore I have nothing to worry about.

I was hoping this might help others with PTSD. What I am doing is exposure response prevention combined with talk forum therapy lol.

Thank You all for your help and I appreciate any suggestions you may have :)

I had my eyes closed and then I thought to myself: did I finish editing that message. What if it’s not done yet. I get very tense and go into a stupor. I then feel powerless and feel incapable of opening my eyes because I become afraid that what if opening my eyes causes me to hurt my eyes because I am under stress. I finally force myself to open my eyes, then noticed blurred vision, which was from anxiety, so I adjusted my brightness on my eye phone. I then made sure message was sent and it was. I then felt an itch on my arm, so I scratched it, but then noticed nipple movement, which made me more anxious, but then I realized it was a normal reaction from movement of my arm. I then realized that I finally had the success of fending off this individual from controlling my thoughts in order to cause me physical harm.

It would be great to hear if anyone has any suggestions or if you have experienced these symptoms as well or at-least in a similar fashion.

Again thank you so much for the help.

 

[Rani G2]

So then I am stuck in limbo. Somehow the part of me suffering needs to find the courage to talk but she s just too scared :(

Yes.. diving in similar waters. When I get my head above the water and can see something similar to the horizon I might’ve made a small step. Not a 360 degrees angle, maybe 90 degrees and that makes a difference. For me it’s There is someone out there who will punish me...“. Core element –thoughts-extreme fear. Cognitively (For me) It’s not like all wheels mesh soothly.
More methods/techniques that starts when the intellect is silent. Finding another access to parts that have taken over the inner platform

 

[NatBird]

Thanks for starting this thread

Just starting to read the thread kicked me into action and I sent some emails and actually looked and the schedule I created last week for this week

I think what puts me off at times is feeling overwhelmed and there always being more things. Well at a superficial level anyway. I am sure there are deeper core thoughts as PURUSHA identified

) Procrastination, for me, is a form of self-manipulation, emotional self-harm. I push off things (like paying bills or booking travels or even pushing that assignment to the last minute) fully conscious about how it will create more pain in one way or another this way (because things get more expensive when I wait, I have to stress out to finish things , ...)

YES YES YES. This is exactly what I am facing today. I need to buy a ticket and its now going to cost me a lot more. In part its because of not commiting to the exact date to leave. NOT COMMITING. Oh dear!

Thanks for this

I'd consider procrastination to be an avoidant behavior. Generally, with PTSD, when we say "avoidance" it's referring to avoidant behavior, as referenced in the diagnostic criteria -


So, when you're looking at procrastination - you can first ask yourself, "am I delaying doing this because of a direct association to the traumatic event?" If you are, then you'd be able to address it with that in mind, get ideas for techniques/skills, etc.

If it's not directly related to the trauma, then you're likely looking at some underlying cause for the behavior - and it's likely it'll be something you can tie into a negative core belief.

Personally - I'm a procrastinator. It's a big thing I struggle with. It's been useful to sort out for myself how much of the avoidance is/has been tied to trauma, and how much is tied to some cognitive distortions/core beliefs I've built up over time. Some of those are indirectly related to the trauma, but they are also influenced by other things. I find CBT useful for working on those. Everyone's different, though.

This is really helpful too. I will read later! I don't know if that is procrastination or sticking to the tasks I need to do first!!

 

[katz]

I am starting to wonder if a lot of my problems are caused because of avoidance?
I didn't realize that that's what I have been doing.
I can never admit to a therapist the full range of my symptoms. What I go through day after day. How bad my dissociation and body memories get. The most I have shared I think is by writing in this forum. The thing is once I come out of these episodes, I tell myself I am fine, I made it up, there's no need to talk about it, I am being dramatic.... etc. And yet something seems to be missing. I spend most of my days fighting off this illness, yet I am unable to talk about it to anyone. The most I have said is I have body memories, I have flashbacks, but never ever what actually happens. Where is hurts, what I hear in my head, all the sexual things I relive over and over, how I suck my thumb and cry when it's all over. And yet, I get frustrated after, I tell myself, you see the therapist agrees nothing is wrong with you, he hasn't even really even tried to even talk about your dissociative episodes, it's because he doesn't think they are true....etc etc. Yet, I am too scared to talk about all of these, I am scared to even go see a trauma therapist. I want the validation of how much things hurt and suck and yet at the same time I fear things coming too true, if I talk to someone about it. I feel like I would probably just laugh it off if someone even as much as mentioned the word trauma... like I am being manipulative. Like I can control these things by not talking about them. That by talking about them I am making them real, and the simpliest way for them to not exist and to not have trauma is to not talk about it. Control it, ignore it, avoid it. But there's also this huge fear, fear that a therapist might say, that's nothing, you're imagining it, that doesn't seem like trauma, you're acting, it's not that bad.... I doubt they would say that, but I am so scared that even if there's a 0.0001% chance, it's not worth taking. If someone told me it was all in my head, I think I might collapse, I guess it's kind of important for some part of me to hold on to the truth, even if it stay secret.
None of this makes sense, except that maybe it's a symptom, avoidance... noone really knows....
How to break out of denial and avoidance and admit to yourself and to someone else that what you are dealing with is trauma and everything you have to go through and keep secret is literally f****d up? Makes me want to cry for myself how much I suffer in silence and yet cannot break out of it..

You're not alone. It took me years to convince myself that something had really happened at all. I started a journal, so I could put things down on paper when ever I remembered something, (in my own handwriting). I have to go back often just to convince myself that I'm not imagining all this. I still, to this day, years later, have to go back and reread my notes-often.

I have had so many people, in family and out, that have told me that I "imagined" it all. I don't know if I will ever come to terms with it, or even be 100% sure that it happened.

 

[NatBird]

@joeylittle thanks again for this. What are some of the CD's that were underlying your procrastination?

I am just thinking about this. First thought: I delay because I think I'll fail and the thought of failing brings up deep shame. Second thought: procrastination provides the low level drip-feed of anxiety I still need to feel okay. (Really I still need this?:/) I sense this is also connected with stability anxiety. It's like there is a deep need to keep that vigilence going, that looking over the shoulder. Third thought: procrastination gives me a sense of control and competence, big pull and remedy for those back then feelings of powerlessness. This was obvious in the first point but I can also see how the chaos that is created from not doing and not doing and not doing, brings out my rescuer, manager aspect that feels competent in crisis. (God this is so old, will I ever be done with it?!) Fourth thought: the procrastination leads to socially, emotionally, sexually anoretic behavior and depriving myself of things that could be nourishing

Blimey! I wasn't expecting all that!

Maybe from this I can develop a series of questions before I get serious about procrastinating!

 

[Lionheart]

One of the reasons I have PTSD is a traffic accident and so I avoid getting in a car. Since my anti-anxiety meds are not working and I can't get past the panic, I avoid riding in a motor vehicle and I have stopped driving a car. I am not sure how I am going to "tame this dragon" as this is a new symptom for me, but I can definitely relate to avoiding places or situations.

 

[Deanna]

Magnesium was suggested by my neurologist as a sleep aid. I take 2 at night with my regular medication, and they helped my sleep regimin so very much.

Sheesh! I had no idea about magnesium! I take it as a suppliment simply because I had a bottle. I take it in the morning with all of my other supplements (5 or 6 maybe)