Have you ever met people who have the same name and/or similar physical features of people in your past that have caused you great physical and emotional pain?
Or maybe you get a bad feeling when you see a particular screen name; not even sure why the name bothers you, but it does, so you avoid them.
I have struggled with this, and it is hard not to immediately dislike and/or avoid that person without ever getting to know them first. So I've come up with a few ways around these unsettling feelings and I encourage anyone to add to this list (I know I could use a few more).
1. I imagine the name having a foreign spelling; for example, if the person is named Dana, I will imagine it is Daynuh ... and the feeling changes from fear and dislike to curiosity.
2. If it is an online screen name, I try to pronounce it differently. Sorry gem name owners, but I admit, gem names bother me; not the only kind, but just it is one example. I have to find a different pronunciation -- diamond becomes dyed-mound. Just changing the name seems to help ease tension till I get a chance to get to know the person and dislike them for all the right reasons. :)
3. Physical features are harder to face, but it can be done. I've taken to stealing Picasso's idea and rearranging their face in my mind. If I can't do that, I focus intently on their features that are very different than the people from my past. This takes practice, but hopefully you don't have to encounter too many like this.
4. Your sense of smell can be a very powerful memory flashback producer. I get this a lot when I go to the store and walk through a cloud of perfume that someone has left trailing behind them. My nose is very sensitive, like a darn dog's. I can't avoid public places, so had to find ways to distract my nose immediately after being triggered -- if I catch it right, the double exposure of differing scents can hinder a bad flashback encounter, or at least minimize it.
I have a tissue in my pocket with calming essence oil on it -- there are many kinds so find the right one for you. I pull it out and wipe my nose with it, breathing in the 'good' scent. Your brain can't really process too many things at once, so if you can override the previous scent with your own, you can avoid a meltdown.
You can also counteract your nose by finding a dominating override with one of your other senses. My nose and ears are my most dominating senses. I once counteracted my nose by turning up the volume on my mp3 player to a painful level. My mind temporarily forgot about the smell to deal with the noise. I then decreased the volume and felt relief. I then cross that relief over (as I continually walk away from the smell) and can use that relief for both my nose and ears.
It is trickery many magicians might like to study. :p It is all about management and tricking your brain into not having a bad reaction. Proactive 'doing', rather than stuffing your feelings (although there is only a subtle difference) helps me more.
What are some things that help you in unavoidable situations where you have to handle these things that happen in normal life?
Or maybe you get a bad feeling when you see a particular screen name; not even sure why the name bothers you, but it does, so you avoid them.
I have struggled with this, and it is hard not to immediately dislike and/or avoid that person without ever getting to know them first. So I've come up with a few ways around these unsettling feelings and I encourage anyone to add to this list (I know I could use a few more).
1. I imagine the name having a foreign spelling; for example, if the person is named Dana, I will imagine it is Daynuh ... and the feeling changes from fear and dislike to curiosity.
2. If it is an online screen name, I try to pronounce it differently. Sorry gem name owners, but I admit, gem names bother me; not the only kind, but just it is one example. I have to find a different pronunciation -- diamond becomes dyed-mound. Just changing the name seems to help ease tension till I get a chance to get to know the person and dislike them for all the right reasons. :)
3. Physical features are harder to face, but it can be done. I've taken to stealing Picasso's idea and rearranging their face in my mind. If I can't do that, I focus intently on their features that are very different than the people from my past. This takes practice, but hopefully you don't have to encounter too many like this.
4. Your sense of smell can be a very powerful memory flashback producer. I get this a lot when I go to the store and walk through a cloud of perfume that someone has left trailing behind them. My nose is very sensitive, like a darn dog's. I can't avoid public places, so had to find ways to distract my nose immediately after being triggered -- if I catch it right, the double exposure of differing scents can hinder a bad flashback encounter, or at least minimize it.
I have a tissue in my pocket with calming essence oil on it -- there are many kinds so find the right one for you. I pull it out and wipe my nose with it, breathing in the 'good' scent. Your brain can't really process too many things at once, so if you can override the previous scent with your own, you can avoid a meltdown.
You can also counteract your nose by finding a dominating override with one of your other senses. My nose and ears are my most dominating senses. I once counteracted my nose by turning up the volume on my mp3 player to a painful level. My mind temporarily forgot about the smell to deal with the noise. I then decreased the volume and felt relief. I then cross that relief over (as I continually walk away from the smell) and can use that relief for both my nose and ears.
It is trickery many magicians might like to study. :p It is all about management and tricking your brain into not having a bad reaction. Proactive 'doing', rather than stuffing your feelings (although there is only a subtle difference) helps me more.
What are some things that help you in unavoidable situations where you have to handle these things that happen in normal life?
