I read my post from last week and a lot of the issue is marriage. I don't like the way we are together constantly, with lockdown going on. I have lots of inner anger to work out. Going back to Oregon might help a little, being home but still carrying my baggage around with me. My codependency is eating me up right now.I feel your pain. I understand. I hate it when those thoughts occur. I have had much to much time on my hands during this lockdown. It makes me feel super paranoid when I have thoughts of suicide ideation. I'm like, wtf? This lockdown is almost over for me, I get to travel home in three weeks, I'm married, I go to church, I just should never feel this way. I had a trigger, past couple days though of a famous actor who did himself in, that was very disturbing, it brought me back to bad times in the 1980's.
I too am looking for strategies to cope, it's probably important to share so the suicide ideation loses it's grip on me