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When I answer ‘YES’ to the question “Have you had any suicidal thoughts, thoughts of harming yourself or others” ……

B

Batshicrazy

Do I have thoughts of harming myself or others?!?!? Who wouldn’t is my question. They call me crazy, yet I think if someone that has been through what most of us have, it’s crazy if you haven’t had thoughts of harming yourself or others!!!! People treating my mental health who have no clue what it’s really like!!!! They know what’s best for me?!?!? I think NOT!!! Yes I wish I wasn’t here at times yes I want to hurt the people that drugged me raped me molested me as a child and adult!!! Who wouldn’t!!! The ‘protect and serve’ is bullshit!!! They are my enemies as well!!! How can someone do harm to another and expect them to be normal in society’s eyes? They are delusional and the ones who need help for real!!! I’m gradually learning everything is opposite that’s why ‘everything is not as it seems’ because it’s the complete opposite!!! All the ‘mental health’ people are normal and the ‘normal’ people are the bat shit crazy ones in denial!!! In saying all of this, I’ve been really deeply depressed lately and cannot seem to shake it off this go around. This episode has lasted going on a month solid now a little over. Isolated, detached , panicked, ashamed, pissed, confused, and in disbelief. The physical pain is more than the norm. Tears fall whenever they want no matter where I am. Not sleeping but hour or two tops a day, no meds are working, I’m tired of MEDS!!! There’s no pill for this!!!! My heart breaks for everyone suffering…. Y’all give me hope and light and new perspectives, I’m not sure what my whole point was but I’m glad to be here. Where I can be myself 100%.
 
i quite agree that some degree of harmful thoughts --both outward and inward-- are woven into the fabric of our culture and possibly our dna. it is far from uncommon to hear phrases such as, "i'm gonna kill you!" or "i could shoot myself." still. . . every case is unique, even within my own, strictly personal herstory. acknowledging the global nature of the phenom helps me be more gentle with myself and more honest about the phenom. while these unhealthy desires may be part of the cultural norm, in my strictly personal psychosis, they rate close monitoring and study. every case is unique.
 
There’s an art to being able to have that be part of a normal conversation, without people either being stressed beyond capacity/out of their depths, and/or seeking outside services to assist.
 
Do I have thoughts of harming myself or others?!?!? Who wouldn’t is my question. They call me crazy, yet I think if someone that has been through what most of us have, it’s crazy if you haven’t had thoughts of harming yourself or others!!!! People treating my mental health who have no clue what it’s really like!!!! They know what’s best for me?!?!? I think NOT!!! Yes I wish I wasn’t here at times yes I want to hurt the people that drugged me raped me molested me as a child and adult!!! Who wouldn’t!!! The ‘protect and serve’ is bullshit!!! They are my enemies as well!!! How can someone do harm to another and expect them to be normal in society’s eyes? They are delusional and the ones who need help for real!!! I’m gradually learning everything is opposite that’s why ‘everything is not as it seems’ because it’s the complete opposite!!! All the ‘mental health’ people are normal and the ‘normal’ people are the bat shit crazy ones in denial!!! In saying all of this, I’ve been really deeply depressed lately and cannot seem to shake it off this go around. This episode has lasted going on a month solid now a little over. Isolated, detached , panicked, ashamed, pissed, confused, and in disbelief. The physical pain is more than the norm. Tears fall whenever they want no matter where I am. Not sleeping but hour or two tops a day, no meds are working, I’m tired of MEDS!!! There’s no pill for this!!!! My heart breaks for everyone suffering…. Y’all give me hope and light and new perspectives, I’m not sure what my whole point was but I’m glad to be here. Where I can be myself 100%.
Been there...still doing it!

I was sleeping 3-4 hours max. before the nightmares / panic attacks / flashbacks set in. My psychiatrist put me on Duloxetine and I'm now up to 5-6 hours sleep with fewer nightmares. Trouble is I'm yawning and feeling sleepy throughout the day until my body gets used to the drug and that's another reason to be depressed. No motivation to do much of anything but I'm happy that my nightmares have been tamed.

Hope that you feel better soon and that you can find something that works for you!
 
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