Relationship How to help spouse with dissociation?

[chiara vietto]

could you describe the dissociation ? i think my husband is suffering dissociation at the moment.
Thanks

 

[chiara vietto]

When you wanted space to be alone and think, you left.

Seems like if she wants some space to be alone...

I completely agree with you. My partner of 20 years starting having experiencing bad symptoms of cptsd and depression, and he asked me not in a nice way...and I am thinking that's b.......t, this is my home to , if he is the one with the problem he should leave

 

[Dejan ivanovic]

Just a update .

I beleive my wife has been going downhill since Xmas ,I failed to recognize the signs,I think our explosive row really overspilled her cup and now she' emotionally numb.

We are living apart at the moment,she's enjoying the freedom but she's lost feelings of love ,I know she loves our kids but i beleive shes struggling,she's thinking of my few bad traits instead of my many good traits.she' distracting herself well by reading,spending lots more time with friends etc

Her behaviour is irrational towards me which can cause flare ups but I try to remain calm,I feel I have to earn her trust back by being reliable towards the children etc .

I know she was deeply in love with me before all of this ,how long does this numbness usually last ? What' the best way to bring her emotions back?

 

[Mytime]

She needs to be in therapy. It up to her, to do the work. You need to be there for you and your kids.

 

[shimmerz]

how long does this numbness usually last ?

It depends on what has happened. What was triggered off in her mind. There is no standard answer for this question. Not ever.

dissociation cannot be aimed.

I can dissociate over someone that has 'unfinished business' with me. No question about it. But I would like to know why the OP is sure it is dissociation.

 

[Dejan ivanovic]

I don' think it' necessarily dissociation anymore ,her sympoms are mainly ,Hyper vigilance, distrust ,body hyper vigilance ,emotional numbness ,these all are heightened when around me or my close family members ,I feel like I'm walking on eggshells even trying to arrange a roater for the children, I'm trying to give her space but she's causing unnecessary arguments as she' so tense .

 

[Mytime]

Do you engage in the arguments or have you set some boundaries?

 

[chiara vietto]

my partner is a different person with me inside the house and outside he switch on a dime, he used to do that when his abusive parents were around expecially his brother, he couldn't talk when his brother was around. now he cut ties with his parents and brother and he does the same in my presence either he lashes out or he is silent...
don't know what to do??

 

[Freida]

he does the same in my presence either he lashes out or he is silent...don't know what to do??

how long does this numbness usually last ? What' the best way to bring her emotions back?

You are both pretty much asking the same question -- what is this and how do I change it. Here's the thing - there isn't anything you can do to change your sufferers behaviors so you have to change yours.

What do YOU need to be happy? Have you set your own boundaries? What behaviors will you accept? What ones are deal breakers? What are you doing to keep yourself healthy?

You can't fix us. We can barely fix us! These things that you both describe are just ...ptsd. There are no rules to how it happens or how long it lasts or when we will get over it. It's there till it's not. Then things get better, then they get worse. It's not that your sufferer doesn't want to give you those answers. They can't - because they don't know.

If your sufferer refuses to get help -- then they have already made their decision about how the relationship is going to work. Now its up to you to decide if that's acceptable to you or not. I don't say this to mean they don't care or don't love you. It's just part of this illness and its a constant struggle

 

[chiara vietto]

You are both pretty much asking the same question -- what is this and how do I change it. Here's the th...

Thanks Frieda,
Your comments are extremely helpful, sometimes i feel like I am making up stuff in my mind, its it's good to have at least some validation. ..
I wish that he will decide to get help, but in his family they are so used to the abuse and strange behavior... he grew up in an enviroment where people don't know that they can get better, he thinks that he is damaged good and cannot get better (now of course is my fault).
His mom told me that in school he acted out and shut down with certain professors and wanted kill himself (ongoing abuse at that time)...but nobody in his family connected the dots..