Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
Hello all!! I'm running on bad sleep so hopefully this makes sense. I have been talking/building a friendship with someone I met on a dating app (we were both generally looking for friends) since August. I'm moving to their location, or was planning to, with my parents. But, long story short, my parents took too long and were affecting my mental health, so I'm moving by myself tomorrow. I went down last week and stayed with this person (we can call them L) for a week, found a place, a probable job, it's been a whirlwind but I really couldn't have done it without their support and love.
They are the loveliest person I have ever met. To give you one example, I had an anxiety flare at one point, and they made sure I had water in a no spill lid next to the couch I was crashing on, turned off the lights for me, and made sure I had food for my meds. I have never felt so safe, so understood, and so seen with a person. I tell them this often. Usually I get tired or irritated by hanging out with people, but when they had off work we just hung out constantly, and it felt so natural. So right. So EASY. I didn't have to force anything. We could talk for hours without issue. Just back and forth. Eventually we even got into our flirty witty banter which was just so fun.
When I was driving "home" I already missed them (but I also know this was in a healthy way, not a "I can't think about anything else" in fact it's the first time I've felt this way about a crush. It's real and I know it). I told them I already missed them and they said same, and how it was weird coming home and I wasn't there. I told them back in February I had a crush but wanted to see how it felt in person first. They said they felt similarly. And not I've met in person, it feels even better. I have never loved someone like this. I don't even have the words to describe it other than it feels right.
L is very considerate about my personal space and knows the trauma I've been through, but if they accidentally touched me I felt safe enough to lean into it and leave it there. I gave them tons of hug (I'm fully vaccinated too btw!), and they thanked me for that and said the last person they were like that with was their ex. It seems like they have some stuff to work through with their exes, and I could tell stuff was coming up with me around because they would bring it up more than they usually do. They would say they aren't ready for a relationship, despite talking about being in one, and our relationship and friendship dynamic already feeling like one. They're in therapy so I'm hoping they will work on that.
I realized I've never been attracted to someone sexually either before L. Before, I had to use drugs and alcohol in order to initiate things, too fast, too soon, and making myself traumatized too. I also before really didn't want to be gay, so I thought being with men would somehow make it not so (even tho my family is sooo supportive) so I have a lot of horrible experiences and sexual trauma. It brought up stuff for me I'm going to work through in therapy and on my own. I've been in therapy around 6 years now so I'm able to work on triggering things myself.
I guess my question would be, without just drinking and then making out, how the h*ck does one progress a relationship? I'm giving myself time, but I'm just so confused. I think I would have to show how I feel to L before they are willing to do anything (they are so respectful and flirt by saying they'd marry someone aka me indirectly, not anything sexual). I feel like I can't find the word to show them, either, because I've never experienced this before. Thank you!
They are the loveliest person I have ever met. To give you one example, I had an anxiety flare at one point, and they made sure I had water in a no spill lid next to the couch I was crashing on, turned off the lights for me, and made sure I had food for my meds. I have never felt so safe, so understood, and so seen with a person. I tell them this often. Usually I get tired or irritated by hanging out with people, but when they had off work we just hung out constantly, and it felt so natural. So right. So EASY. I didn't have to force anything. We could talk for hours without issue. Just back and forth. Eventually we even got into our flirty witty banter which was just so fun.
When I was driving "home" I already missed them (but I also know this was in a healthy way, not a "I can't think about anything else" in fact it's the first time I've felt this way about a crush. It's real and I know it). I told them I already missed them and they said same, and how it was weird coming home and I wasn't there. I told them back in February I had a crush but wanted to see how it felt in person first. They said they felt similarly. And not I've met in person, it feels even better. I have never loved someone like this. I don't even have the words to describe it other than it feels right.
L is very considerate about my personal space and knows the trauma I've been through, but if they accidentally touched me I felt safe enough to lean into it and leave it there. I gave them tons of hug (I'm fully vaccinated too btw!), and they thanked me for that and said the last person they were like that with was their ex. It seems like they have some stuff to work through with their exes, and I could tell stuff was coming up with me around because they would bring it up more than they usually do. They would say they aren't ready for a relationship, despite talking about being in one, and our relationship and friendship dynamic already feeling like one. They're in therapy so I'm hoping they will work on that.
I realized I've never been attracted to someone sexually either before L. Before, I had to use drugs and alcohol in order to initiate things, too fast, too soon, and making myself traumatized too. I also before really didn't want to be gay, so I thought being with men would somehow make it not so (even tho my family is sooo supportive) so I have a lot of horrible experiences and sexual trauma. It brought up stuff for me I'm going to work through in therapy and on my own. I've been in therapy around 6 years now so I'm able to work on triggering things myself.
I guess my question would be, without just drinking and then making out, how the h*ck does one progress a relationship? I'm giving myself time, but I'm just so confused. I think I would have to show how I feel to L before they are willing to do anything (they are so respectful and flirt by saying they'd marry someone aka me indirectly, not anything sexual). I feel like I can't find the word to show them, either, because I've never experienced this before. Thank you!