How To Please A Psychologist??

[Cusumbo Solo]

Sorry - I tried to reply like others do to me.
I can't work out how to do it.
See, even that has me in tears. That my brain can't figure out something so simple.

 

[Mandy Tad]

You are very distressed Cusumbo, I feel for you. But by telling your psychologist how you have felt after your last session does not mean that he is right and you just need to listen and follow. I have learnt that when we are in this state we are very vulnerable and anything that is said to us is a huge mountain. You are going through so much, your mind is working overtime and it makes you upset that you are not feeling like your old self. Go and tell him how you have felt since your last session, pour your heart and thoughts out, be honest, tell him how upset he made you feel with his statements. One of the things I learnt is when suffering from PTSD "Trust" does not exist. You cannot even trust yourself so how can you trust anyone else. You feel like everyone is against you this is because you are constantly hyper vigilant. It is not a nice thing to feel, I hate it.

As much as I speak and smile, I hurt inside 10 times more. But speaking helps a lot. Also medication does help. Speak with your doctor about medication to help ease the suffering.

Remember you are not alone, we are all here for you.

Big hugs.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Cusumbo, what happened to you was dreadful. But in this situation, you only can help yourself. while everyone around will offer help, you only can decide if you want it. I dont understand and probably will never as to why people behave and attack others. Where is the love gone? Cusumbo, hang in there my friend, what happened will always be a part of your life. As dreadful as it may sound, you can make a difference to your life but it takes effort and forgive yourself, dont be harsh on yourself. You are a wonderful person. Big big hugs.

 

[piratelady]

Cusumbo Solo: At the end of the day you have to feel safe telling your therapist how you feel. If you are feeling like you're going crazy, you have to be able to tell your therapist that without fear of being turned away. If/when you seem him next I would suggest telling him how his comments made you feel. Let the chips fall where they may. Perhaps this psychologist can refer you to someone who is a better fit for you. I read above that you aren't assertive anymore. Perhaps you can have this conversation via telephone? I know for me, it is a lot easier for me to have those difficult conversations via phone.

I hope you can find a therapist that you can connect with, it makes a big difference.

 

[Cusumbo Solo]

Thanks. I dragged myself there. He was good. I think he cares a lot but struggles to articulate it - or is fearful on how I may interpret it.

I think he gets a lot of advise from his supervisor. I am not always sure how useful that is.
I did speak up. I told him what it meant to me to be able to write to him. That I felt disempowered.

He hugged me today (not physically) but with his presence.

 

[BloomInWinter]

My best suggestion is to give yourself permission to stop ruminating on or caring about what he thinks or feels about you...and start thinking about what you need.

Then, once you've identified what you need, start working on how to ask for that.

Really, expending any of our energy worrying about what someone else is thinking or feelng is wasted, and often, we are completely wrong.

Once I accepted that I couldn't read anyone's mind, and therefore I could just ask for more info, I had a huge breakthrough in therapy.

The 'what if' mental game was a former mental defense we needed to survive, but once we're away from abusive people, it actually keeps us mentally stuck in a ruminating cycle with no resolution. I know because I've done all this.

What are you doing for self-care? Treat yourself well. You were brave enough to seek help, you'll be able to do that as many times as you need to.

Try thinking about what you'd like your recovery to look like.

 

[Tanishq]

The 'what if' mental game was a former mental defense we needed to survive, but once we're away from abusive people, it actually keeps us mentally stuck in a ruminating cycle with no resolution.

When you're far away from abusers, you can't assume now your problems are gone. You still needs to do lots of work and heal yourself. Wounds are deep within us.

I agree with your thoughts BloomInWinter.

 

[Mandy Tad]

You guys are right, the What if? was so instrumental in recovery. It is like having to train your brain all over again, taking little baby steps.
Jaret, you are right in saying that you need time to heal yourself, it took me 6 months to accept that I required help. Its a miracle that my psychologist has been so patient with me throughout these months.

Cusumbo,The fact that you went back shows your commitment to heal, to be yourself again, it shows your inner strength. It can be a painful journey back to health from abuse.
My feeling is that when we drive ourselves mercilessly and ignore our emotional needs in an effort to "get over it", we end up abusing ourselves - recreating our experience. In such a situation, we continue to suffer.

When we give ourselves time and space to heal naturally and listen to our bodies with compassion and gentleness, the brain has a chance for real, sustainable recovery. I'm so glad that you've decided to stick with this process. The fact that you have committed to it speaks to your strength.

 

[Abstract]

So impressed and glad for you! Communication is the only way. Often what we fear comes from the other hurts we have had. You are very brave so give yourself a big pat on your back.

This stuff is hard. Trying to speak whilst making our way through all the suspended feelings and fear. Not easy at all.

 

[Philippa]

You're doing really well to be reaching out for help like this Cusumbo. It really is very hard stuff you're dealing with, but I think you're really brave.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I agree with the others that it may be better to find another T that doesn't remind you of a parent. This could most certainly be at play here. That was my first impression when I read the topic of your post.

I send text messages to my T throughout the week, but she doesn't respond unless it's an emergency. But I don't mind because I know she is busy and that doesn't mean she isn't reading them. She talks about things I've said in my texts during my next sessions so it makes me feel validated.

If you feel this way about your T, it's best to find another one. I know it's tough when you are questioning your own perception, but you have to trust yourself if nobody else at the moment. Listen to your inner child and find one that is more suitable to you. Maybe this guy is one of those "I'm the Almighty Intelligent One". I've met guys like that and I know how you feel.

How did art therapy work for you? There are counseling centers that are non-profit who will do sessions with you on a sliding scale basis. When you call, someone will ask you what your need is, talk to you for a little while so they can get an idea of which T to place you with. I got a T that way. She is working on her Doctorate's right now. I know that can be iffy, but they are supervised. There are really passionate ones out there. Tell the intake counselor what you need so they can place you with someone who works for you. Things like, "I have hard time opening up. I feel very stuck at times. It's hard for me to trust. I feel like I'm going crazy a lot, and I really need someone who is patient, who listens and doesn't minimize me."

A good place will know what that's about and will not make you feel that fear feeling in the pit of your stomach when you are talking to them. Trust yourself. You can do this. We are all here for you.

 

[Cerulean Synapse]

It's just not that easy finding another therapist also, a lot of people say, yes find another therapist. But the truth is, I have had to find another therapist too many times. It's not easy, especially when these therapists are hard to reach, and thinking about insurance plans, which ones are in your network, do they even take your insurance, etc.. it's a big mess.

I think it's just better to tell your therapist the cold hard truth of how you feel about him. And then he can assess the situation. If he thinks that you and him should stop practice, well then he has to refer you to another therapist, this can be easier than finding another therapist.

Personally, I don't think there is any therapist out there that does not take things personally in their profession. They're human just like the rest of us, and they do make mistakes, but it's up to them to treat you with dignity and respect as their patient.