Relationship How To Walk Away...

[Tinyflame]

I think the feeling of having to 'run away' (with the exception of 'from' an abusive relatonship, of course) is a good sign that much of this is influenced by the ptsd. :(
I would 'stop'. With ptsd there is always, or at least frequently, that feeling that something must be 'done'- right now. Keep going on the therapy.
Perhaps it is possible that it (and your relationship) are not mutually exclusive.

JJ, thank you for your kind words, and understanding.
This may sound 'bizarre', and I'm sure doesn't 'feel like it', but I actually think the fact that your wife told you what she did, in terms of her "ex's" behaviour (and being triggered, now), is actually Huge progress.

 

[roxyripscurl]

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Hi Roxy,



Reading about your situation now, I am wondering why you got married when you did?

(BTW my first marriage lasted 7 months)

I honestly thought I was ready...and then it started to kick in. I started to realize that because I had been so busy with life that I had not taken the time to heal. By the time that PTSD really kicked in, it was just weeks after the ceremony...trust me I feel like crap. My supporter is just completely devastated and I'm the source of that hurt.

 

[JohnJohn]

Roxy,

It's not your fault this is happening. You wanted to live and thought you were ready. I am sure people believe they are ready to move forward all the time and the power of love can lead us all blindly forward. I am sure my wife thought she could push through it too, but when you add stress and the honeymoon phase of love tries to convert into compassionate love there is a big potential for a problem.

I am sure I added to my wife's stress not knowing I was magnifying the problem by throwing gas on the underlying problem. I thought her pulling away and binge drinking were free choices, now I see it as avoiding her internal pain. Not positive avoidance, but something to mentally escape her torment. My attempt to control the behavior made her recall the abusive memories even more.

We all want to live and move forward, sufferer and supporter alike. We just have to learn what we need, hope to communicate and love as best we can. We might not always make the correct initial choices in life or relationships, but that does not mean that its too late to change things to make our lives and hopefully loved ones too for the better.

 

[roxyripscurl]

Roxy,

It's not your fault this is happening. You wanted to live and thought you were ready. I am sure people believe they are ready to move forward all the time and the power of love can lead us all blindly forward. I am sure my wife thought she could push through it too, but when you add stress and the honeymoon phase of love tries to convert into compassionate love there is a big potential for a problem.

JohnJohn,

Thank you for your kinds words. I'll be honest, I've only slept for four house last night. I don't think I've had insomnia like I did last night. I couldn't believe what I was doing but I know that if I don't, two weeks from now, maybe even two months from now, this will come up again. I know it in my heart that we need space. I need space to make the decision to be in the relationship and not feel like I am being force to stay. It break my heart but I do...I do love her but its not the time for us. Again, thank you for your kinds words.

 

[ProudWife99]

Roxy- I think your concern needs to be on you now. It seems difficult and selfish, but it is ultimately the right choice. Coming from someone who supports someone with PTSD, I appreciated his honesty with me even when it hurt. Had he been in your shoes, I would have preferred him to be honest with himself and me instead of string me along in a relationship that was not healthy for me to be a part of in the first place.

I would suggest that you shift your focus from deciding whether or not to be in a relationship to your own health and treatment. We cannot be much for anyone if we cannot be important to ourselves.

Much luck!

 

[JohnJohn]

Take care Roxy. Do what is best for you and figure things out as best you can.