Huff Post Article About Being Lonely In Your Marriage

[Isu]

It's possible you married someone not right for you or married for the wrong reasons! Many people, maybe even most people, do.
That doesn't mean he's s psychopath or that you're ridiculous - you just don't understand each other.
It sounds like you're waking up to who you really are. I can relate. It's scary to look back and see your life does not reflect who you really are - but if you never knew who you were it's not your fault either.
Stay on the path. Keep waking up to who you are. It will all become clear when you get clear on that!

 

[Lonelymarriage]

I am his second marriage. He made his first wife out to be an alcoholic crazy person. She very well may have been. My family wanted me to marry him. Deep down I knew it could be like this and I was scared but I married him anyway. I just grew deeper into my own mind and ignored everything. It wasn't until my mom died that I began to wake up. It's not a good feeling.
I very well may bring out those things in the article in him. I don't dispute that at all, however he exhibits every single one on a pretty regular basis. Given that he does not get along with anyone in his family, it is hard for me to ask or get a feel. He is estranged from his sister, aunt and uncles, cousins and his parents are dead. The only time I see his family is if I bump in to them OR a funeral. He hates my family so I don't see them much anymore bc he has caused such issues there.
I'm just trying to figure this out....Take responsibility for my part and figure out what to do next. My usual ideology is to take blam for 100% of everything..... I am just now beginning to look at things in a perspective that it may not all be my fault. For years I blamed his family for their relationship, however just recently it dawned on me that if one person has so many issues in so many relationships that it may just have a little something to do with them.... I am very scared. I never make rash decisions. I side with caution and usually think through things before I make a decision. I try and assess all things from every perspective and am very good with taking responsibility for my faults. I have many. However, the healthier I get mentally the more I realize that no matter what I do I can never satisfy him. He is never happy. I can perform the same duty 2 times in a row the exact same way and he may be happy with one and not the other and rip me apart. I have to document everything via email bc he will deny I ever told him that and rip me apart. Do all marriages document via email for fear of retribution if you don't have proof the other partner said it? I don't know. Truly. Maybe they do. It just seems exhausting. I am exhausted just worrying about what will set him off next or if I make a mistake.
Sorry.... I am just whining now... I'm just trying to figure it all out and in the process I have figured out I am truly lonely.

 

[Vepet]

You're not whining! It does sound pretty hard. The problem is, I think, nobody knows the answer.
In my life intimacy and abuse have always walked hand in hand. But there has been love in the mix - so The abuse didn't feel like abuse. It felt like two people in conflict.
I don't think there are any rules - it's more like are you happy mostly or are you very unhappy mostly. If it's the latter and if you don't feel the love, you have to figure out if it's worth it.
Intimacy builds through trust.
But if that's not there it's a pretty hard road!
I hope you listen to your own self. If you really want to leave and see no hope in your marriage, follow through and leave.
It doesn't have to be anyone's fault. Everyone wants their marriage to work. It's sad for all of it doesn't, but sometimes that's just the way it is.
I'm really sorry you are faced with this conundrum !