Husband Not Interested In Sex

[The Albatross]

Yeah I know... that is not me either. But I haven't seen my husband with a woodie in months. So whatever's going on is both of us..I know it's not easy, I'm living it too. But I decided I love him exclusively and am working toward a change... a reestablishment of physical intimacy with him. I just wish it would spark and the pain on both sides would disappear. I am the PTSD... but obviously I've hurt my husband deeply.

 

[wife of]

It's difficult isn't it,we're in the same boat here,it prob is the meds but I would advise you to go and see the docs again if he will and get his hormone levels checked out.
My hubby had his checked as he was so concerned about the impotence and it just so happens that he has a condition called Addisons desease which apart from contributing to the impotence problem was also exacerbating the ptsd to a great extent.
Addisons is caused when the body stops producing cortisol which is the hormone that governs our stress reactions ie flight or fight.
Things have improved a lot since starting replacement meds in ref to flashbacks and nightmares/sleep.
I miss intimacy hugely,even being held or not having to be the first to say "I love you",I do know that for a lot of guys this is just impossible for extended lengths of time and so I must be patient.....
As far as sheer frustration goes....you can take up hobbies to distract yourself.....or you could just buy yourself a "bunny"! Not being glib here and I hope it does not offend anyone but hey I'm betting if hubby cant decorate you'd get out a paintbrush and do it yourself?...realy realy hoping that doesn't offend anyone...Sue.

 

[amethist]

Hi Gemini Lady.

Just a quick note to you about all this.

Your saying your husband has been on medication since February, and 5 months lack of intimacy for you is not on. Also that the meds being the probable reason is wearing thin.

My husband has been on his meds at various doses now for almost 4 years, and the intimacy disappeared almost immediately, and still not back to a 1/4 of what it was before.

I am not complaining, not thinking about leaving him, to satisfy my own needs, as I actually do understand that this is all part of how his PTSD has effected him, along with his medication.

I am not saying I do not miss what we had, but at least we are still together working through this together and excepting each change as it occurs together.

Because we are married and even with out the intimacy, part of who he was before is still there, and that is better than what could have been had I had left him for my own selfish needs.

Amethist

 

[jrzgirl1]

lucky you

 

[amethist]

Not lucky at all jrzgirl1, just learnt that PTS is a selfish illness, and as supporters we should learn as much as we can to support them and to understand that every part of a relationship can be effected by PTSD.

There are boundaries we have to set for our own safety. But not considering how our own action's and demand's can cause negative and un- necessary stress on them, is crossing boundaries too.

 

[Nicolette]

While I am late to this conversation, a lot of despair, frustration & loss of self worth can be dispersed when a partner can, for the most part of the time, come to terms with 'sexual interest' really & honestly NOT being a personal reflection about them.

Yes, a lot has to do with medication but then my husband has never been on any anti-depressants since I met him and sexual interest can vary.

There is a lot I can share..... Right now I have to go sorry.

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

From having a full on passionate, fun loving relatlionship my hubby 'lost interest ' in sex. Things deteriorated to the point he didn't even want to be touched. It wasn't possible to talk about it. He didn't know why it was happening. He told me it definitely wasn't me.

After a lot of anguish and reading, I realised I had to focus more on what I could do for myself. He seemed to respond to that as it took the focus off his lack of spontaneity, in all areas. We took up hobbies and carried on, learning about the rollercoaster of PTSD.

I developed a thicker skin but never lost the love & affection for my husband. I am proud of the way he hasn't given up on life. He makes the effort to help around the house and spoil me in little ways when he can. I have learnt not to expect too much and appreciate the little things. Sex is great but it isn't the be all and end all of a relationship/marriage.

More recently, our hugs and kisses have become warmer and more loving. Not sure he is aware of it but whooo hoooo :cool:, I'm noticing it.

LH

 

[Nicolette]

I developed a thicker skin but never lost the love & affection for my husband. I am proud of the way he hasn't given up on life. He makes the effort to help around the house and spoil me in little ways when he can. I have learnt not to expect too much and appreciate the little things. Sex is great but it isn't the be all and end all of a relationship/marriage.

More recently, our hugs and kisses have become warmer and more loving. Not sure he is aware of it but whooo hoooo :cool:, I'm noticing it.

Now here's a really smart positive take on PTSD and relationship.

 

[Gemini Lady]

Thanks every one for you input, but my husband is doing up paper work to get a divorce!
So there is no need for me to be here anymore.

Thanks once again and good luck

 

[amethist]

So sorry to hear this Gemini Lady, but you dont need to leave us right away.

If you need some support while all this is going on, we will be here any time you need to vent about it all.

Take care and look after yourself.

Amethist

 

[Gemini Lady]

Thank you but life isnt worth living anymore. I put every effort in only to be kicked in the guts, I will never make that mistake again. Thanks again

<Edited for capitalization by Amethist>