I’m a brute.

Bigmess

Learning
I'm just like this actually, my aggression is the only thing that helps me survive. Relentless attention to detail and control over every possible variable that I can. One slip up and everything will catch up to me. I'm in a perpetual loop of aggressive progress, crashing, and mania. It gets much smoother in the Summer though when at least the air outside isn't hostile and I have so much more space. I often need to be my own support net but I have at least online gotten more friends lately.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
For me, I have re-framed that feeling. Now that I know that complex emotion processing just either doesn't work properly, it makes sense in a way.

I feel brutish because I don't understand peoples emotions. I feel brutish because I don't feel the things I should when relationships end, nor do I behave in the way I should when that happens, because I don't have the correct emotional response available.

What I have in place of a full range of emotions is anger, and all that does is lash out at others.
 

Bigmess

Learning
For me, I have re-framed that feeling. Now that I know that complex emotion processing just either doesn't work properly, it makes sense in a way.

I feel brutish because I don't understand peoples emotions. I feel brutish because I don't feel the things I should when relationships end, nor do I behave in the way I should when that happens, because I don't have the correct emotional response available.

What I have in place of a full range of emotions is anger, and all that does is lash out at others.
Yeah that's what I found too, it's like I don't have the correct emotional responses and the one's that are there are extremely self protective. Sometimes I'll catch myself being a bit passive aggressive but I tend to avoid people when these emotions hit since I get more socially dysfunctional anyways. It's always just this "get angry and get ready" process thst happens and getting ready is hiding from the threat and being ready for it to attack. In general it's like my complex emotional processing is all messed up and intertwined with ptsd issues. I get negative feedback from my body is I accidentally outwardly act too positive at the wrong time, it's a real emotional knot going on up there.
 
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