Relationship I’ve left him and he doesn’t care

[Mytime]

I’m sorry @Sighs, I know your hurting. Just know the more time your away from him, the more clarity You will get on how abusive he truly is. You are a strong and beautiful inside and out. I know it hurts you to think he doesn’t care. He may not show you yet, but he will. Once he knows you are truly gone. Not coming back, not in his life,he will.
He needs to truly see, you have broken away from the cycle. I don’t think he truly believes you have left for good.

You no longer have to worry about him, just yourself and your pup. Do what you need to do for yourself. Sending hugs.

 

[Teasel]

I'm really pleased you've left him. Best to you going forward :-)

 

[Sweetleaf]

Just know the more time your away from him, the more clarity You will get on how abusive he truly is

Yessssss this.
I bet you're gonna feel relieved you left him soon enough @Sighs

I hope you're not too shook up by the abuse, and everything he put you through, I hope you move on and have a happy life with someone good like you deserve.

 

[Freida]

I am so sorry - and so very happy you have left him. I agree with everything all the others have said -- you deserve better than this. I'm so sorry for the pain he has caused you. And I'm guessing that one day he will get his head out of his ass and realize what he lost. But you will be in a much happier place by then

 

[Sighs]

I thought there would be more relief and less devastation. Right now I’m as heartbroken as I’ve ever been in my life. I just can’t believe it.

 

[Hojay]

I’m proud of you @Sighs. It takes guts and real self respect to leave relationships like that. You’re in shock now, naturally, and all your brain wants you to do right now maybe is whitewash and minimize all that has happened just to end the pain. It’s normal, abusive partners are like an addiction. One day at a time, sighs, try to not believe everything your mind is telling you right now, but to ride out the waves of grief, loss, and longing. These are authentic feelings and they have their place. You did everything you could. It will pass, even though it feels like it will last forever and you’ll never be ok again. You will, I promise you that.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @Sighs - right behind all comments expressed to you already.:hug:

@Sighs...he is going to miss you very much.

Just because you have not seen or heard him express this doesn't mean anything. He will probably never admit this to you. So yeah it hurts. But it's not an unbearable pain Sighs...you will mend and you are strong.

Whereas you are honest and upfront with behaviour and feelings. He is not.

You may get a melancholic plaintive call for help sometime in the future asking you to return in a roundabout way. If you do he will never admit that he did that. The power will again shift into his favour.

It doesn't matter how much you love him, how much you've given up or to him, how many years you have persevered with the relationship to stay with him. There is no equatable return. It is a total loss except for the lessons you ultimately will begin to understand and you get to take that with you. I'm glad you shut him down really. I hope you come to agree.

And of course you will look back and think did I do the right thing and did I do everything I could or,.....what if....

The relief you will feel may sort of creep up on you over the course of the next few weeks or months. Part of it is the absence of tension, absence of sarcasm, absence of insults etc... It's a strange type of relief.

You will feel better after a while. His loss @Sighs - I know it doesn't feel like that now but you will get through this and I hope you eventually find someone that will treat you with respect no matter what.:hug:

 

[Freida]

If course you are heartbroken....you loved him. You had to leave because of his behavior but it doesn't mean it isn't causing you pain. This was such a huge step...leaving him, standing up for yourself, being brave enough to know the bad outweighed the good. But. There was love. And losing that is hard. You just have to remember it wasn't a healthy love....and that you had to choose between loving yourself and loving him. One frees you to move forward with your life. The other condemns you to a life of stress and fear. You did the right thing.

 

[Pippi427]

I hope you save this thread and reread it every time you feel down. Some day you won't need to. You have better days ahead. :hug:

 

[Sighs]

I am also going to reread my private supporters diary. There are numerous incidents there that I had pretty much forgotten because they were so common they became normal. Sigh!

 

[Sweetleaf]

I am also going to reread my private supporters diary. There are numerous incidents there that I had pretty much forgotten because they were so common they became normal.

This is a great idea!
Remind yourself why you left him, why he was bad for you. I'm so glad that you've gotten him out of your life.

Just think of all the bullshit you don't have to put up with anymore. Ugh. All the abuse. I hope that never becomes normal for you again.
:hug:

 

[Sighs]

What is really standing out to me as I read my diary is how every “good” day was closely followed by an “incident”. We very rarely had 48 hours together without a “drama”.

Nothing will change if I go back. I must not go back!