I' Am New Here And Need Some Advice.

[MurphyJB]

Then wait for her to contact you.

 

[ironbird]

This is going around in circles now...I'm getting frustrated.

I told her I didn't want to be friends when we were having these discussions. She won't contact me because she is under the impression I wouldn't want to be friends with her! Now I do! Its my move now!

 

[MurphyJB]

Woah. Calm down. There is no need to yell. If she wants you in her life, chances are she will contact you. Even if you told her you didn't want to be friends.

 

[ironbird]

As I said before, she won't. Not because she doesn't want to, because she feels worthless.

 

[cherryblossom]

You believe she feels worthless (that's quite different from her actually feeling worthless). Even from your posts, she seems to have a very clear idea of what she wants and what she doesn't want. Again, I think you are trying to interpret her emotions, instead of just listening to what she says.

 

[ironbird]

Shes told me she feels this way... She told me she feels I deserve better than her and shes been selfish for too long and kept seeing me when she has known she was in an internal struggle. Part of her wants to embrace her feelings and another part of her is scared of being hurt by them so shes tried to push me away. She has told me she feels worthless and can't see why anyone would like her.... Shes told me she sometimes has wanted to call me and ask how I have been but hasn't because she hasn't wanted to bother me. This was when things were going well in our relationship and obviously I told her I would LOVE to hear from her during her lunch break or something so what chance is there she'll call me after what has transpired? Not because she doesn't want to because of her low self esteem and what I told her about not wanting to be friends...

 

[ironbird]

I just sent her this:

"hi,
I feel bad how I told you I could never just be a friend. I didn't know how that would work then but now I would be fine with it. What do you think?"

What do you guys think?

 

[MurphyJB]

I think you shoul have listened to every single person thats replied to this thread, and left her alone.

 

[ironbird]

If I had listened to them then I would have never been able to teach her what is wrong with her like I have. Not every person that has responded has advised me to leave her alone... when you get some fact like this wrong, it makes me think "why should I listen to this girl when she can't even get her facts straight?"

 

[blueangel371115]

As a woman that has been in a few bad relationships, emotionally debased more than once trust me. She just needs to figure things out. You may be putting pressure on her that she just doesn't need right now. She's hurting and needs to figure things out in her head before she can invest in a relationship. Sounds like she had a rough go of it, maybe she has trust issues. Just give her time. It's not like she's got a restraining order against you or verbatim told you to f**k off so let things simmer for a while.

 

[ironbird]

Just thought I'd update everyone. Its been almost two weeks since I sent that message and she hasn't responded...

I'm moving on with my life now. At least I helped her understand herself a bit better and taught her what she needs to do in order for her to be happy and break free of her torment. I think that is more valuable than any relationship.

There is a reason why the other two guys she dated and didn't care about her are still her friends on facebook and I have been deleted and pushed out of her life. As bizarre as it is, that shows she has feelings for me stronger than anyone.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hmmm. Do you see how much drama you have been through in the short amount of time that you have known this girl? If she does not get help, which isn't likely seeing as how she does NOT want help, you are in for a lifetime of dealing with this crap! Do you really want to go through a lifetime of the game playing, the mind manipulation, etc? I think its a bunch of hogwash to give someone a million and one allowances for their so-called disorder. You are bending over backwards, excusing every little thing that she has done to you by blaming her PTSD. What are you going to do if you wake up ten years from now and realize she's just a conniving, manipulative b!tch, and it isn't her PTSD? (Which it may very well not be, as she has no diagnosis!)

Yes, I am a sufferer. However, I believe in personal responsibility and don't blame my behavior on my PTSD. I *know* that my disorder affects my behavior, however I have the power to choose to not treat those around me like crap, telling them I don't care about them, then I do, then I don't, blah blah blah. THAT is manipulation, pure and simple, and NO, being manipulative is NOT a PTSD trait.

You want to "fix" this girl in a way you could never "fix" your mother. I've run into this more times than I can count, as "fixing" people seems to be a predominantly male trait. Please separate yourself from this girl for good, and get into counseling of your own in order to move past the things in your own past.