I need a friend that can relate to my struggles. I was a silent victim of sexual and childhood abuse until I told my future husband at the age of 21.
The sexual abuse memories go back to 3 years old. This abuse was by my mothers youngest brother. I have never felt safe. I collapsed 2 years ago from lack of sleep due to recovering from a traumatic back injury. Due to the lack of sleep I had begun having suspected seizures. I had been on none adicittive pain medication that I had been weaned off of by back specialist. I had also previously been on antidepressants for depression. (This depression treatment was years earlier due to resigning my public school art teaching position after 14 years due to stress.).
When I collapsed I was found by my 15 year old son and taken to the ER by ambulance. I was not coherent and my heart rate was at stroke level. I was monitored and tested over 5 days while placed in the ICU. At one point I awoke to straps having been placed on my wrists. I was told by my husband much later that I had tried to choke myself and became violent with a nurse. I remember most of the stay. I also remember having most recently walked into the room to find my my husband and son a violent movie. During the hospital stay I remember feeling like I was trapped in this violent movie and had been acting bits of it out. I was also physically and emotionally abused by parents and uncle for 21 years, hence, I don't watch violent or high drama movies.
Today is not a good day...my husband told me last night that he was tired of financing my mental illness. I am on medication for under active thyroid and hormone replacement. I quit therapy over the summer due to family finances. I have been told that I have coping skills and there is nothing they can do accept make sure I apply those skills. I don't talk about my flashbacks. Right now I am pretty low. Is there anyone that can relate ou there?
The sexual abuse memories go back to 3 years old. This abuse was by my mothers youngest brother. I have never felt safe. I collapsed 2 years ago from lack of sleep due to recovering from a traumatic back injury. Due to the lack of sleep I had begun having suspected seizures. I had been on none adicittive pain medication that I had been weaned off of by back specialist. I had also previously been on antidepressants for depression. (This depression treatment was years earlier due to resigning my public school art teaching position after 14 years due to stress.).
When I collapsed I was found by my 15 year old son and taken to the ER by ambulance. I was not coherent and my heart rate was at stroke level. I was monitored and tested over 5 days while placed in the ICU. At one point I awoke to straps having been placed on my wrists. I was told by my husband much later that I had tried to choke myself and became violent with a nurse. I remember most of the stay. I also remember having most recently walked into the room to find my my husband and son a violent movie. During the hospital stay I remember feeling like I was trapped in this violent movie and had been acting bits of it out. I was also physically and emotionally abused by parents and uncle for 21 years, hence, I don't watch violent or high drama movies.
Today is not a good day...my husband told me last night that he was tired of financing my mental illness. I am on medication for under active thyroid and hormone replacement. I quit therapy over the summer due to family finances. I have been told that I have coping skills and there is nothing they can do accept make sure I apply those skills. I don't talk about my flashbacks. Right now I am pretty low. Is there anyone that can relate ou there?
