Tryingtounderstand
New Here
I am a supporter who believes that love, compassion, understanding, acceptance and patience can do a great deal in helping someone who suffers from PTSD.
I've been dating a very nice guy for a year now. The first three months were awesome. I mean, nothing out of the ordinary. And then, there was a shift in the relationship. From my understanding, now, after many conversations with him, stressful situations happened. I do believe it. However, he has a tendancy of doing a lot of things at the same time and always keeping himself busy. While he can't handle stress very well, there's always something else to do. Renovations, going back to school, shopping, always something to be done. Feels like he's running from something, emotions, past. He never said he has PTSD, but I strongly suspect it. At first, I thought he wasn't sure about me, didn't want to commit, etc. and it kinda pushed me away, until I realised something was wrong. I studied psychology and work in the field of Mental Health. I've known PTSD for years but not that much. I was familiar with it but we do relate it to veterans more than anything else due to the nature of my work. He is not a military, but from what he tells me, he had a difficult childhood. He's been abandoned by his father, I'm sure there has been physical and emotional abuse. Comes from a very controling family. His needs of safety and security didn't seem to be met. He has been diagnosed with a neurologic problem (not sure which one) that is affecting his short term memory and been told that it is related to emotions. I noticed it before and yes, he does seem to forget about things. At first I thought he was avoiding things or conversations, now I understand. I started reading more on PTSD and educated myself. Dissociation, stress, anxiety, etc.
3 questions :
1) Generally speaking, when someone dissociates during a stressful situation, danger, etc, does one remember what he said during what seems like a dissociative episode? I feel like he doesn't remember what he told me or at least, doesn't really mean what he said after the episode. But he will never talk about that again unless he gets into another of this episode. This conclusion is based on 2 or 3 experiences... Not that credible, I know...
2) I feel like he is aware of his "issues" more than I suspect. That's how he called it. How can I ask him without initiating a dissociative episode? Often, I feel like he gives me clues about many things but will not say it straight. Is there a safe way I can find this out? Basically, I want to know if he knows and if he's in a healing process. After reading many strories, books and artciles, I think he's definitely coping but not sure where he's at. I am a bit scared of approaching him on that topic though. I want him to know that I see now, I am starting to "get him" and accept him exactly how he is.
3) He told me twice, during what I interpreted as dissociative episodes (detachment or something else) that he didn't want a family, mariage, children or a girlfriend. However, he said he doesn't want me out of his life and after these episodes, acts like if everything was normal and if I was his girlfriend again. He even introduced me as his wife one day. Between these 2 episodes, we even discussed about moving in together (that it'll happen naturally at some point). Very confusing from my part. I just wonder if I'm wasting my time. I do want a family and made it clear. Not sure he remembers... When is he telling me the thruth and not? I feel at a lost sometimes. I don't know what to think anymore.
Finally, I love him, very much. We do connect on many levels and I believe, we complete each other. We have many things in common. We enjoy each other's company and share the same values. There is no violence, he seems to control his emotions well (anger bursts). We have a great deal of fun together and laugh a lot. To me, the only issue I have is his level of committment (long term, moving in together, family). It seems like that's what he wants when things are good, but during times of high stress or overwhelming emotions, he pushes me away and says things like he doesn't want that anynore.
Any input would be much appreciated.
There you go. That was my introduction. Thank you for reading.
I've been dating a very nice guy for a year now. The first three months were awesome. I mean, nothing out of the ordinary. And then, there was a shift in the relationship. From my understanding, now, after many conversations with him, stressful situations happened. I do believe it. However, he has a tendancy of doing a lot of things at the same time and always keeping himself busy. While he can't handle stress very well, there's always something else to do. Renovations, going back to school, shopping, always something to be done. Feels like he's running from something, emotions, past. He never said he has PTSD, but I strongly suspect it. At first, I thought he wasn't sure about me, didn't want to commit, etc. and it kinda pushed me away, until I realised something was wrong. I studied psychology and work in the field of Mental Health. I've known PTSD for years but not that much. I was familiar with it but we do relate it to veterans more than anything else due to the nature of my work. He is not a military, but from what he tells me, he had a difficult childhood. He's been abandoned by his father, I'm sure there has been physical and emotional abuse. Comes from a very controling family. His needs of safety and security didn't seem to be met. He has been diagnosed with a neurologic problem (not sure which one) that is affecting his short term memory and been told that it is related to emotions. I noticed it before and yes, he does seem to forget about things. At first I thought he was avoiding things or conversations, now I understand. I started reading more on PTSD and educated myself. Dissociation, stress, anxiety, etc.
3 questions :
1) Generally speaking, when someone dissociates during a stressful situation, danger, etc, does one remember what he said during what seems like a dissociative episode? I feel like he doesn't remember what he told me or at least, doesn't really mean what he said after the episode. But he will never talk about that again unless he gets into another of this episode. This conclusion is based on 2 or 3 experiences... Not that credible, I know...
2) I feel like he is aware of his "issues" more than I suspect. That's how he called it. How can I ask him without initiating a dissociative episode? Often, I feel like he gives me clues about many things but will not say it straight. Is there a safe way I can find this out? Basically, I want to know if he knows and if he's in a healing process. After reading many strories, books and artciles, I think he's definitely coping but not sure where he's at. I am a bit scared of approaching him on that topic though. I want him to know that I see now, I am starting to "get him" and accept him exactly how he is.
3) He told me twice, during what I interpreted as dissociative episodes (detachment or something else) that he didn't want a family, mariage, children or a girlfriend. However, he said he doesn't want me out of his life and after these episodes, acts like if everything was normal and if I was his girlfriend again. He even introduced me as his wife one day. Between these 2 episodes, we even discussed about moving in together (that it'll happen naturally at some point). Very confusing from my part. I just wonder if I'm wasting my time. I do want a family and made it clear. Not sure he remembers... When is he telling me the thruth and not? I feel at a lost sometimes. I don't know what to think anymore.
Finally, I love him, very much. We do connect on many levels and I believe, we complete each other. We have many things in common. We enjoy each other's company and share the same values. There is no violence, he seems to control his emotions well (anger bursts). We have a great deal of fun together and laugh a lot. To me, the only issue I have is his level of committment (long term, moving in together, family). It seems like that's what he wants when things are good, but during times of high stress or overwhelming emotions, he pushes me away and says things like he doesn't want that anynore.
Any input would be much appreciated.
There you go. That was my introduction. Thank you for reading.
