I Broke Down

[superman1496]

I broke down today. I don't know what happened, what triggered it, but I just about lost all control.

A went to a doctors appt, and I stayed home with the kids. She called me up to tell me that she needed to do some blood tests and she would be a while longer. For some reason, I lost it. I became extremely upset that I wasn't with her, and it just went down hill.

When she got home, neither of us were talking. I took a shower in hopes of calming down, but that didn't work. So I decided that since she didn't want to say anything to me, I was just going to leave for a while and cool down.

After I stepped outside, I stopped. I was shaking from anger. I almost punched through my car window. I don't even know why I was so pissed. I came inside and got in an arguement with A, and freaked her out to the point where she clammed up, quiet.

Then my emotional roller coaster took a turn, and for the first time in years, I sat there and cried. I don't know why. I don't think A realized what I was doing. I ended up going and lying down, and haven't really said much since. I feel like I can do nothing right, right now. I'm upset at things I shouldn't be, and I can't drag myself out of this pit. I don't know what to do.

 

[Nicolette]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Haven't you just opened up here in the past couple of days and covered some deep issues including admitting your diagnosis to your wife?

You have over-filled your cup with good progress. Rest, take care and know that what you are experiencing is not abnormal.

Written by my husband, who has severe PTSD... I encourage you to read this [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/[/DLMURL] as I think it will help shed light onto your reaction for you.

Take care.

 

[superman1496]

Thank you Nicolette. I read that post yesterday, but I guess it didn't really sink in until now. I don't like breaking down, especially at A, and definitely not with the kids around. She didn't do anything wrong, and I feel horrible for it.

I hope my cup lasts little longer next time. Especially with my daughter being born any day now. It's a little stressful around here.

 

[evergreen]

Maybe something about her not coming home and you being with the kids reminded you of something related to your aunt and uncle and how you would take care of their kids?

Take some deep breaths and relax. Then go and apologize and forgive yourself.