I Can't Get Along With Anyone And Everyone Hates Me

[Heather]

Lately, it seems that everything I do is wrong. I find myself just withdrawing more and more because everything I do results in people becoming angry with me. Here are a few examples:

• My neighbor kept leaving her 6 y/o home ALONE and everyone knew what she was doing but refused to do anything about it. So, when she came and knocked on my door asking if she could stay with me until her mom got home. (This being the 4th. time this had happened. I called the police. Her mother got arrested. My neighbors were furious and now no one will talk to me or let any of their kid's play with my daughter. When she posted bail they had a huge party for her, like she was some hero.

• I was supposed to meet a friend at Chuckee Cheese with my daughter and she said that she would be there in the morning to miss the crowds. I didn't get out of been until after 12 noon and figured I had missed her. So, I didn't call her. We got there at 4:30 and saw my friend and she said that I was supposed to call her and what I did was so wrong. She was angry and stormed off. I haven't heard from her since.

• My mother allowed my sister and her entire family to stay at her house when they had no power (my sister's husband sexually assaulted me). This happened to be during Halloween. I was furious when I found out because my daughter wanted to goto my mother's house for trick or treating and couldn't because my sister was there. We're not allowed to be around them because my sister doesn't believe me..... My mother couldn't understand why I'm so angry at her for letting them stay there. And to make matters worse we had to stop at her house and I had to see him, which made me want to puke.

I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing works. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Heather)))))

Re: Your neighbors. They suck, YOU are the hero. You are above them all.

Re: Your friend & ChuchEChese. So you had a moment of not wanting to phone....tell her why once she calms down. My true friends know I have phone phobia and are tolerant and take care of themselves. I have to tell them up front, though...because most people do get upset with lack of communication as they feel imposed upon. So, let her know to never wait on you, but that it is not that you don't value her or are being disrespectful of her time. Easier said than done, I know, LOL.

RE: Your Mom. Wow. I'm so sorry...how hard that is! Is seeing him getting to be where you are triggered less? Hate that abusers still hold that power over us. :(

But...it DOES sound like you are actually relating to others on a much more honest, stand-up-for yourself manner.

Which, nobody but our children will thank us for.

GOOD for you!

You'll find healthier people to match your healthier boundaries....it may take some real practice for awhile.

 

[mamachick]

1. You did the right thing with your neighbor and did what is best for the child. Making the right choice does not always feel good. It often creates pain on ourselves. That is what makes it so difficult at times. We do care what others think and even as adults we experience peer pressure. You did the right thing and model that for your own daughter-keep doing it, I promise it will make a difference. We do have to pick and chose our battles, and you did that-you did the right thing.

2.Everyone gets angry at times, who knows what your friend is thinking. A case of miscommunication at worst. If you want, send her a little note and tell her that evidently it was a case of miscommunication and you are sorry that you didnt get to spend time with her. (if you are). etc. If she is your friend, she will respond to your kind words, if this is that big of deal to her and she cant get over it, can you afford this kind of relationship??

3. Sounds like your mother is a bad position as well. As a mother with 3 daughters, I cant imagine how hard that would be to be in her shoes. I am glad that you knew before hand that he would be there. Not sure why you had to stop and sorry you had to see him.

I am glad you are standing up for children, yourself, your daughter. Kudo's and keep it up.
Everyone doesnt have to like us. I know-Im not for everyone!

 

[shell]

If more people interfered on behalf of children, there would be less of us visiting this site. She might think she's a hero, but maybe someone will pay the child more attention now. There are so many people who turn the other way, but there is no excuse for it.

Maybe, one day you will make a difference in some child's life because you cared, if not this time maybe next.

 

[anthony]

I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing works. Any advice would be appreciated.

My advice, read: [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/unhelpful-thinking-styles.13778/[/DLMURL] and then rethink your original post based on that information.

Then use this procedure to challenge your initial statements, once you remove the negative thinking styles from them first: [DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/coping-skills-you-can-use-when-you-dont-have-much-time-or-privacy.23637/#post-334984[/DLMURL]

The procedure is still the same to challenge your thinking, which you will find answers your initial posts statements.

 

[Abrasky]

Way to go! You did the right thing with the child. One day she won't do this to her children because someone did the right thing in her life. In my experience if someone doesn't agree with you for protecting a child, they are not worth knowing anyway.

I'd say it's working well. People who are awful are not liking you. Woo Hoo.

 

[Heather]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm just having a really hard time lately. Challenging negative thinking patterns is HARD! Especially when I feel so crappy.

I don't regret calling the cops on my idiot neighbor, it's just the fallout from it that's been so hard. I can't believe that I'm being blamed for something that SHE did! It's infuriarating! Oh well. Whatever.

Thank you again everyone for your support. It means A LOT:)

 

[BloomInWinter]

It may feel like they're blaming you...and their behavior may look it.

But maybe they are afraid of being found out. :>

It is a struggle for me to learn not to approval-seek from others. Getting validation from safe people, yes. Approval-seeking from unsafe, unkind, unhelpful, uninvolved, or unable to give it will always feel like failure because there is no way for it to happen.

Perhaps some validating statements for yourself when you know you've done the right thing?

Approving of ourselves is hard when we were never shown how.

"I am proud of my actions."
"I approve of my choices."
"I am doing the best I can."
"I showed my daughter what a responsible caring adult would do."

Approval-seeking put me at risk of giving far too many people access to my self-esteem. Now, I'm practicing trying to solicit validation from my self, hubby, my kids, my T.'s, mentors, safe friends.

...and trying to let the others go. Hard stuff, indeed!

 

[BloomInWinter]

...and it's not true you can't get along with anyone.

I get along with you!

...and not everyone hates you.

I love you!

(((((((Heather))))))))

 

[intothelight]

I want to change your title to "I am learning healthy boundaries and to enter into healthy relationships!";)

Heather, you are doing the right things, just remember not to personalize them and look at them as there is something wrong with you. I know it is easier said than done with PTSD and all.

Just keep taking that negative crap we feed ourselves, dousing it with a good dose of reality and seeing what way it can be worded into something realistic.

(((Hugs)))

 

[Heather]

I want to change your title to "I am learning healthy boundaries and to enter into healthy relationships!"

AWW! I needed that Deb. Thank you.:)

Hugs. Heather

 

[Broken]

Approval-seeking from unsafe, unkind, unhelpful, uninvolved, or unable to give it will always feel like failure because there is no way for it to happen.

And it happens to be these type of people I want it from and have the hardest time letting go of. Have you had this type of experience, if so what helped.