I Don't Get This Question

[Deleted member 30956]

Why is it that some therapists, during the first couple of sessions with them, ask you "So how do you feel we can help you?" or "How would you like us to help you?" - something similar to that?

It upsets me a lot. I'm a sick person coming to someone healthy and competent. How am I supposed to tell you how you can help me??

What I hear is "I don't know how to help you." :unsure:

 

[ghotiff]

I hear you loud and clear.

Maybe they mean more, what symptoms would you like us to work on?

 

[BlueOrange]

One of the ways that therapists can try to build trust with people is to make sure that they are working on the things that their client wants them to be working on. If you've come to their office because of your fear of spiders and they think the biggest problem is your eating habits, then (even though they might be right), nobody's going to be happy. So, by asking the question, they can make sure that they're not making unfair assumptions about what you want.

 

[ladee]

They need a starting point. Say for instance if you said, I have a lot of anxiety, or I am depressed. It is a place to start. They very much want to help you... and it also gives you some personal power to say what needs to be worked on....What did take you to therapy? Just simply try to share that with him/her. They can't help if they don't know what the problems are... good luck and hope are able to share with your T what is going on.

 

[Friday]

Sometimes people very much know exactly why they're there, what they need help with, and furthermore what modalities they want to use to address it.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, sometimes people have no idea what's wrong with them, nor any idea of what to do about it.

If you suspect you have PTSD? You have a leg up on those people. If you know you have PTSD? And furthermore what caused it & what problems it's creating in your life? Huge leg up.

People come to therapists all over that spectrum. Figuring out where you are on it? Foundational.

The most direct way to find out? Ask.

Anorexia to Xenophobia, court ordered or trying to save my marriage (someone else wants me here) to wanting to be there yourself for myriad reasons, colleague or highly knowledgeable patient to brand new and starting from scratch, needing a therapist/ advocate/ medication management/ case management.... There are hundreds of reasons someone walks into a therapists office. Faster you find out why they're there & what they want? The sooner you can start either doing that and begin the work for a treatment plan with them -or whatever it is they need- and kick that off, or find out what they want isn't what you do & refer them to someone who does do what they want.

IF HOWEVER... They're honestly clueless? Snort. Bumped into a few of those :rolleyes: Faster I can walk my happy ass out the door & find someone who actually knows what they're about!

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I hate this question, too. It is almost as bad as the dreaded "how are you feeling?". I don't know. If I knew, I could enact a plan to fix it. But, I honestly am so lost that I don't know where to begin. And the answer of "everything seems broken and sometimes I think that I would just be better off dead" isn't a real answer.

 

[EveHarrington]

Would it be better if the therapist asked "what brings you here today?"

Maybe the lines that upset you are taught in therapy school? Well that would be my guess. I don't know how anyone else can help me much of the time, and I suspect that many therapy clients are the same as me? Sometimes I simply want help!

 

[Deleted member 30956]

One of the ways that therapists can try to build trust with people is to make sure that they are work...

Okay... but she asked me this question AFTER she read my intake application, which took me 30 minutes to an hour to fill out. And also after I had spent a week at the hospital for my issues. Of this she was aware.

I haven't felt like going back, because she asked me this. I have so many f*cking issues, I wouldn't even know how to answer her question. Maybe she really can't help me? Then who can? I've cancelled on her two times, and now owe her $80... heaven knows I can't afford to throw away even a penny....

 

[Friday]

Maybe she really can't help me? Then who can?

Not all therapists are created equal.

Even if she's had a minimum of 10 years of study (Masters level psychologist or social worker & above), and is a trauma therapist just as a baseline (there are roughly 15,000 therapists in my 2million pop city, only about 5,000 of them are actual psychologists/MSWs & above, about 2,500 list PTSD as something they treat, BUT only apx 200 of those are trauma therapists &/or specialize in PTSD!)...

...Some of those people? Are just going to be clueless morons. (And happy ass out the door!) A lot of them? Our personalities just aren't going to click. Therapy is a highly personal thing. There needs to be some level of connection / common ground. Far better, though, is finding a "good fit". Someone who is hugely knowledgeable in exactly what you need help with AND someone whom we get on with.

Sometimes we make do with therapists, for a variety of reasons.

Finding a good therapist, though? Unless you just get lucky, can be a pain in the ass of a search. That's completely normal / nothing wrong with you for it.

Imagine ALL the teachers you had in school. Baseline, they were all teachers. Some of them sucked. Some were decent. Some were good. Very few are "the Teacher" who was that one amazing teacher you'll always remember. How good the teachers were? Weren't based off the students. It's not the students fault if they have a crappy teacher / the students didn't make the teachers suck at their job.

So I wish you luck in your therapist hunt! And perseverance should luck take awhile to kick in.

 

[Deleted member 30956]

this helped, FridayJones... I saw her today. This post was nice to come back to, to remind myself that this burning pain... is a sign that we do not connect. I had a terrific, lovely therapist for a few years, but it ended last year. We clicked like a dream. I've forgotten what it's like not to "click" with a therapist. I guess that this is what it feels like. I felt so uncomfortable and anxious, just getting to know her. Her lack of emotion or any warmth whatsoever was putting me on edge. I told her that one of my priorities is to discover my gifts, because as a kid I felt I was different..."gifted". She was not moved. "Ok. What are your gifts?"
She tried to ask me about what it feels like to dissociate; tried to analyze it. I don't trust her yet. Interrupted her and said "I hope all of my problems won't be too many for you". She looked impatient and said, "Where did that even come from?". I felt like an idiot. If she had asked with softness in her voice, I would have responded. I tried to get myself out of this ravine I made. Didn't work. She averted her eyes, and I sensed exasperation when she put her hand on her thigh quite noisily. These things in a therapist are a total no-no for me.
I don't think she knows anything about PTSD, at all.
My heart broke. I felt like someone peeled my skin from all over my body. The pain was so bad, I had to go straight home, to safety.
:cry::cry::cry:

 

[ladee]

I am so sorry this happened.. No, she is not the therapist for you or anyone else for that matter... doesn't matter what HER issues are, having a 'cold' therapist is never good. I know you hate to start over, but you are worth so much more than what you are getting. I always hated the 'therapist shopping', but a necessary thing for us to get help.
It's time like these that I wish I could share some of my abrupt outspokenness with others... I would have more of a balance and others would have some to say things when needed ....And she would have been left thinking how she may have harmed someone who is fragile.... sorry..... thinking about you and sending :hug:'s if accepted.

 

[Deleted member 30956]

I am so sorry this happened.. No, she is not the therapist for you or anyone else for that matter... doesn...

I can't believe how sweet you people are on this forum!
THANK YOU Ladee ! I needed this validation so badly! :cry:
:hug: