Sexual Assault I Don't Know If I Was Raped... I Don't Even Know If I Was Conscious.

[EG1994]

I think that in my first year of university I might have been raped. I had been out drinking and someone had helped me home and left me in my room with the door unlocked. A guy was going around rooms seeing if anyone was awake and he let himself into my room. I don't know if I was awake at the time. My next memory, which feels as though I was waking up, was of him having sex with me. I didn't know who he was, but I knew I didn't want him there and made him stop and leave. I had originally assumed that he had helped me home and that I had invited him to stay, as I have no memory of the night. I only learnt what had actually happened when he came back to my room and explained a couple of months later, because he wanted to know whether he had raped me. I said no, because I didn't think it was fair to label him as that when I didn't know. This was three years ago, and the idea of it plagues me. Any time that I have seen him since, I have felt severely panicked, and can be anxious around men that I don't know. I feel lost with it, I don’t know what happened to me so can’t come anywhere close to being able to deal/cope with it.

 

[Dannyuk78]

Firstly you are not to blame and having the gaps in your memory is only natural when you have been that drunk.

I would suggest that if he has come back looking for clarification then he has taken advantage of the fact your rooom was open and you were unconcious. I know its a horrible thought but i do not think you are going mad at all and you should learn to trust how you are feeling.

If there was no consent and he was having sex when you came then there was penatration and that could constitue rape.

I hope you are ok and i hope we will be able to help you. please do not go through this on your own.