I Don't Know Why I'm Here

[Friday]

This happens from time to time. I don't know why I'm here, why I'm doing what I'm doing, what I'm hoping to accomplish, what I want, how to do most things, etc. ... At pretty much every level. Nothing's real. Very little makes sense.

My MO when this happens is to just stay the course. Trust that I knew what I was doing back when I could think clearly, plan rationally, feel reasonably, the whole shebang... And keep doing it. Whatever it is I'm doing at the moment, keep doing it, no matter how little sense it makes. I'm in the dark at the moment, and that's okay, just keep moving towards the next bright point. Take stock, reassess, correct course as necessary... Then. Not now. Just keep moving from bright point to bright point.

Above all else I need to ignore every impulse and great idea that comes to me during these periods (no making major decisions, and please dear god, try and keep tantrum throwing to a minimum). Just suck it up and keep moving. Sooner or later, something will click, and everything will turn back on again.

If anyone else does this... Any tips or tricks on how to make the click, the snap back to reality, happen sooner?

I just was to scream, or shake myself, or something. It's just like Wake Up!

 

[hodge]

Hang in there, hon. I've been there more times than I want to remember.

I don't know of any surefire ways to get back here, but you could try alternate nostril breathing. I know, it sounds weird, but it can help. Link Removed

 

[City Slicker]

I can relate to this @Friday - As you mentioned, I pretty much do the same thing - I keep moving, accomplishing the things I knew I wanted to do when I was thinking with my feet on the ground and also refrain from major decisions. Coasting until things click in again and I 'land' back in myself. That old 'fake it till you make it' saying helps me to read my script until I am back to knowing it by heart again.

I also surround myself with things that I know are familiar even if they don't feel familiar at that moment. For me I don't focus on logic in that moment because it feels like those old projectors when you could turn the movie off but the lights are still on - you can only see white light where the movie of my life used to be. There's no logic in it so I don't even try anymore to figure out what's wrong - I focus on what I would usually do to 'get right'.

Mostly I will do something physical, again, not because I necessarily feel like it but because I worked hard to put a foundation in place of things that keep me moving until things click back in again. Working hard to put a foundation means I also need to rely on it during times like these.

I will run, lift weights, clean, limit my exposure to too many people, or too much sensory info coming in. And if I can't limit it, I put an emotional filter between the stimuli coming in and my headspace. I also will sit in a comfortable chair and cross my arms over my chest and gently rock and tap each shoulder one at a time. It seems to help to ground me.

I hope you are feeling back in your jam soon.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Any tips or tricks on how to make the click, the snap back to reality, happen sooner?

Wish i did my friend, wish i did.

Ive been stuck for months.

 

[Voltara]

I can relate. Unfortunately all I can do is put headphones on and stare at my phone when this happens. I've become totally unproductive and gotten carpaltunnel from this. So I guess I can tell you whatnot to do. Sorry :/

 

[Casey_03]

Is there anything specific that causes these periods for you? I go through phases like this quite often and there is almost always a reason, though it's not always immediately obvious. I'm sure it's different for everyone though, so maybe there isn't really a reason.

I think you're doing the right thing by just staying the course. The only other thing I can think of that helps me during such times is breaking my routine a bit. (I realize that sounds contradictory -- stay the course but also break the routine. But I think it is possible to keep doing what you're doing and at the same time introduce something new in there somewhere. Even if it's just a short trip to a place you wouldn't normally go, or a phone call to someone you haven't talked to in a long time, or ordering a book about a subject you're not particularly familiar with .... nothing drastic, but enough to jar your mind a bit)

 

[Ka-9]

I'd say I have a pretty similar cognitive sinkhole.

Every day I have to out think the what's my purpose here monkey on my back. I can't equate directly to combat experiences, but coming from any job where the stakes are extremely high, I don't find anything I attempt now seems relatively insignificant.... not sure if that factors in for you or not.

But then again, even past exciting or adrenaline fueled activities seem pointless too. And I do mistrust my ability to make sound, logical choices.....

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Friday I do this as well, what I do may not work for you but I when able, take the day off and just do self care and doing all of the things I can think of to help me to relax and the next day seems to be so much easier.

I just stop the world when I want to get off of it and take care of me.

I sure hope that you find the answers you seek.

 

[Kay-Os]

This happens from time to time. I don't know why I'm here, why I'm doing what I'm doing, what I'm hoping...

I'm new... and this comment is probably useless. I do that so much... it's only recently I figured out what it was... before I was thinking I had a split personality (being gemini that's not insane... lol) and then found out it's part of c-ptsd.

As for how I snap back to reality... for me (we're all diff) mine are centred around a fear. When I can't make a decision based on a fear of possible consequence... or too scared to ask a question due to fear of lost friendship... I tend to disassociate...

One side of me is full of morals, personal ethics, standards etc. The other me... well she just lives for the moment... anyways try figuring out what triggered the switch...

 

[littlestar]

I can so relate to this posting. I have not been able to put it into words so thanks for that. I have also been this way for months. So far TV, familiarity, crafting, snacking, whatever, and keep moving a bit. I try to tell myself I belong here. Comfort,etc. so wierd this feeling. Just seems to be one moment to the next without knowing anything about anything. Waiting for cognitive functioning to come back. I take advantage of the moments where there is something that is working and sometimes I try to push the cognitive functioning just a bit so maybe my mind will improve over time and remember its purpose again. I can so relate. Thanks for your post. Thought I was alone.

 

[Gs172003]

This happens from time to time. I don't know why I'm here, why I'm doing what I'm doing, what I'm hoping...

I needed this right now. I'm pretty pissed the trip I've been hoping to go on for months my husband doesn't even care about isn't going to happen. I told him I want a divorce. Do I really of am I just irrational? Hell I dunno

 

[Abstract]

This happens to me when something triggers me badly or when something in my environment is a stressor that repeatedly sets of my symptoms. Its funny as more recently I am usually able to tell I am probably in this state but its only when I come out of it (usually months after) that I start to clearly see how distorted everything was and how much I was running on hypervigilance and fight and flight. Above what I usually am that is.

I don't know what you can do. I try to remove real "danger" from my environment or remove myself from the environment if its a factor. I try to rest and sleep as much as is possible (new thing argh not easy or simple at the best of times). I do lots of grounding and self care (the latter when I can do it). And I guess I do what you are doing. Take one step after the other and don't do anything rash. I guess I try to quieten myself down and give myself time. Then I reevaluate once I feel myself settling regardless of what is happening around me. In the past I would always feel I was "fine" and could tough any situation out no matter how obvious it was that that wasn't wise. I was removed from myself and self care.