new gamma rays
Bronze Member
This month is going to be hell.
1) It resembles the time of year my most horrific and recent trauma occurred: All of a sudden one night being told by my parents I had to go to the hospital, and within minutes having an ambulance crew come and after some time and freaking out, being tied to an ambulance gurney and shoved into an Ambulance.
- So my hypervigilance and flashbacks are through the roof already this month. And I have trauma before that that this stirs up. Basically when the sun is about to set, and its dark in the house I start seriously dreading the night ahead, because I have few coping techniques..
2) Too many problems in my life and no solutions. I have chronic pain of complicated origin but don't have the right dr. right now to steer me in the right direction. So I need to find a new doctor. I need to find better therapy. There's more, but my problem is I can't prioritize at all. It just seems too much and i'm fatigued and keep puttin git off.
3) My sisters and their families are coming for the holiday, which is going to be a major test of emotional anger and burning hatred at my mom for causing most of the trauma. And that comes out the most when my parents are enjoying all the time and interaction with their grandkids without me. Every time my sister just calls it sets off an anger I just have to sit on. I cannot imagine them being at our house, having my nephews and nieces running around, and pretending like everything doesn't hurt me emotionally. All I can consider is being a hotel for most of it.
That's at least objectively my immediate worries. I have some serious suicidal thoughts, and I think this month is going to test me incredibly. I don't really know where to find help, unless I call a few friends and try to download some of this on them. I see a therapist which only helps marginally. I think a lot of this I am going to have to do on my own, or find some one to help me through it. I'm worried about worrying too much of the family stuff, but that's what makes me the most forced to think about self harm. I need to make progress on something, and that would help a little but I don't know what. I guess Iv'e live a really poor past couple of months to lead to this.
Anyone have any suggestions?
1) It resembles the time of year my most horrific and recent trauma occurred: All of a sudden one night being told by my parents I had to go to the hospital, and within minutes having an ambulance crew come and after some time and freaking out, being tied to an ambulance gurney and shoved into an Ambulance.
- So my hypervigilance and flashbacks are through the roof already this month. And I have trauma before that that this stirs up. Basically when the sun is about to set, and its dark in the house I start seriously dreading the night ahead, because I have few coping techniques..
2) Too many problems in my life and no solutions. I have chronic pain of complicated origin but don't have the right dr. right now to steer me in the right direction. So I need to find a new doctor. I need to find better therapy. There's more, but my problem is I can't prioritize at all. It just seems too much and i'm fatigued and keep puttin git off.
3) My sisters and their families are coming for the holiday, which is going to be a major test of emotional anger and burning hatred at my mom for causing most of the trauma. And that comes out the most when my parents are enjoying all the time and interaction with their grandkids without me. Every time my sister just calls it sets off an anger I just have to sit on. I cannot imagine them being at our house, having my nephews and nieces running around, and pretending like everything doesn't hurt me emotionally. All I can consider is being a hotel for most of it.
That's at least objectively my immediate worries. I have some serious suicidal thoughts, and I think this month is going to test me incredibly. I don't really know where to find help, unless I call a few friends and try to download some of this on them. I see a therapist which only helps marginally. I think a lot of this I am going to have to do on my own, or find some one to help me through it. I'm worried about worrying too much of the family stuff, but that's what makes me the most forced to think about self harm. I need to make progress on something, and that would help a little but I don't know what. I guess Iv'e live a really poor past couple of months to lead to this.
Anyone have any suggestions?
