I don't think we were meant to go through all of this hurt

[saraemerald]

Yes, it was a very hurtful comment, one that took me awhile to process. It is victim-blaming and th...

Thank you! I mean it!

 

[saraemerald]

Thank you everyone for your replies to this thread. I really loved so much having kind replies from everyone not from the cult I was born in because it shows me all the good people and support out there from people not part of the cult I was stuck in. Thank you for all the love and support!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@saraemerald long story short I fell 3 stories broke my back (basically) & shattered 3 discs and left with perm nerve damage that is now causing me to quickly loose feeling in my legs, feet and hands. Quickly loosing my ability to walk. Which is super intensly painful. Think limb "goes to sleep" and you first "wake it up". That pain but never stopping. At 36, (37 next month) that's super depressing. I'm being refered for a 3rd back surgery but they can't fix perm damaged nerves. If nerves don't heal on their own they won't heal at all. Fiborisis (scar tissue, which grows onto itself and if they take it out it comes right back. I asked that) pressing on my siatic nerves which is also perm damaged by the fall and from the surgeon taking the shattered pieces of discs out of my back. And it intensifies (in my opinion) any mental symptoms you have. It certianly takes me to that suicidal ledge much more often. Now having access to more things that can certianly kill me.

Wow, meant to make that short. Sorry. I watch vlogs of service dog handlers that are struggling too but are fighting and that gives me strength. But sometimes, when that pain is so bad that tears just run down your face on their own without you actually crying, and nothing you do or take helps, (I have an internal medtronics drug infusion pump that is sending free base morphine at it's highest possible amount without risking granoloma - pain doc had to change the concentration recently again due to that - marcain and clonodine for the femoral neuropathy, oral hydrocodone on top of that, oral gabapentin and prescription ibuprophen so, yep, I'm medicated...highly and none of that touches most of this pain these days).

ETA: Oops, hit post on accodent. Anyway, hopefully that answers it. That was way longer then I meant it to be.

ETA2: Oh, I remember what I was getting at when I accidently hit post. I also use ice, heat, feet elevated (which makes my hands go numb apparently) and I have to sleep in a recliner. I do non-medication stuff and many times that doesn't help and I can't find anything that will help and its those times that i just want to give up the fight. But, alas, I push through each day to just get to the next and so on. Hoping the doctors will eventually be able to do something that helps. This process of loosing feeling is so much more painful then I ever imagined. I was forwarned I was going to loose feeling in my legs. Had no idea it would affect my hands. But I knew this was coming. I never imagined it would be this painful though.

 

[saraemerald]

@saraemerald long story short I fell 3 stories broke my back (basically) &...

Sorry you are going through that. I have not nearly gone through that much physical pain. I have had sciatica nerve pain though, fainting and muscle spasm and nervousness with physical effects in my body. Not fun. What helped me was breathing exercises(simply learning to breathe at a slower rate), magnesium citrate powder to put in a drink or hot water, a good B-complex, massage therapy if able to afford it, sleep, protein for breakfast and as much love in your life from yourself or others (as much as you can find/ genuine love that is)