I admit that I can feel really passionately about some things, and maybe over dramatize them, but that's not me just trying to be a drama queen, it's just the way that I am.
If you do have a sense that you over-dramatize, then guess what - that's a symptom, potentially, of a few things. It's not necessarily "just the way you are".
I had experienced one 3-month period of severe depression (related to self esteem/body image).
No. 3 months is not necessarily severe depression; don't use modifiers you don't understand. it is enough to say you were depressed; but you need to describe - TO A PROFESSIONAL - what your depression symptoms were. It matters. Sleeping more, sleeping less, heavy limbs, did you leave the house, how was weeping, etc. And you say it was related to self-esteem/body image. Maybe; but putting the two statements I've copied so far together, you also could be cyclothemic. For example. There may have been an event concerning body image that set it off, but that does not mean the depression was ABOUT body image.
Now with my symptoms this time, I've had on/off periods of depression. So I know that even though my normal tendency is to be upbeat and positive, I am prone to depression. I can believe that, since even though everyone experiences depression in their lives, people with creative minds tend to be prone to it.
How upbeat and positive? Because you might be bi-polar. And do you know there are multiple kinds of Depression? Yes, everyone can get depressed (small d) but to have Depression (big D, the disorder) you need a - guess what? - diagnosis.
I was with the therapist for about 45 minutes (went over time on a 30 minute free consultation)
Free consultation is sometimes a business-building technique. And I'm going to jump ahead for a moment:
The therapist I saw is a "Liscensed Mental Health Therapist.
This isn't a valid title, I don't think. Are you sure it wasn't Counselor instead of therapist? This actually matters, and I'm curious.
I answered, "I've never had sexual or physical abuse. I had an abusive teacher." Right away her response was, "Yep; that'll do it."
Polly Sue, this just is flat-out wrong. Which you do seem to have understood on the other thread. I think you are right to consider her financial motivation.
I started seeing images of that classroom tied with depressive feelings and THE WORST anxiety I'd ever felt in my life for a week and a half straight. I mean, racing thoughts, not able to find comfort anywhere. In fact, I didn't even know what anxiety was until then because I'd never had it.
Because you have a tendency to generalize your symptoms, I'm going to say - you still don't know if that was Anxiety (clinical) or being very anxious. Racing thoughts is a specific symptom that is not limited to anxiety.
She specializes in bullying, self esteem, CBT, ptsd, transgendered issues, etc. as compared to the other psychologists in my area who mainly specialize in trauma, ptsd, childhood abuse, depression, etc. and some "therapists" and "counselors" who also specialize in gender issues or self esteem.
She's not a psychologist. Now, here's why it matters: some people have enough schooling to be qualified to diagnose, and some don't. The five big categories in the US are Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Counselor, Therapist, Social Worker.
So I did the 15 question test, rating on a scale of 1-5 how much I felt each of the symptoms, and I tried to answer as truthfully as possible. For one question it asked about insomnia and nightmares, and I put "3" even though I never really have nightmares about him
Two things: One, you tried to answer truthfully, but you gave a 3 for nightmares even though you never really have nightmares? If I remember correctly, 1 is usually defined as "almost never". Why not pick 1?
Two: the "gold standard" test in the US is the MMPI:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/minnesota-multiphasic-personality-inventory-mmpi/0005959. And there are others. Many others. They are generally used in combination with each other because people can't always be relied on to interpret the question correctly. I've never in my life taken one 15-question assessment and been told "what I have" - and I've been assessed in multiple states and venues.
As for dissociation, I've read that it's periods where you completely zone out and can't remember anything, because that is what a young child's mind would do if they were in the face of danger.
Everyone dissociates. Common example: you walk home the same way every day. And some days, you'll suddenly realized you're home, and it seems like that was faster than normal because you don't really remember the journey. Not about young children and danger. Might have been a hypothesis you read.
Sometimes I get nervous when attention is focused on me, so I mentioned halfway through telling the therapist this that I'd lost my train of thought, and she said, "That's common with ptsd."
It's also common with being a human being. I'm sorry to be so snarky, but really.
She also said that the type of flashback where you zone out and literally relive the moment is very rare. Is that true?
Very rare? No. But this description is entirely too vague. And annoying.
And does she sound reliable? It was like she was saying I have full-blown ptsd because of my scores, my symptoms, and the details "abusive, bullying teacher at age 14."
No. She is full of shit. Not reliable. Full of shit.
s it normal to have obsessive, intrusive and painful memories about a person and a place that you hate (not to mention the anxiety fear, worry and depression)?
Actually, yeah - it can be quite normal. Because everyone experiences these things - there is a difference between the clinical definition and the common human experience.
Polly Sue, do you have insurance? Because if you do, you need to go to a real psychiatrist or psychologist.
I'm actually hoping, really hoping you go. Because I do understand how scary this can be. And I think too few people give themselves permission to actually go in and have their symptoms checked out - because mental health issues are really stigmatized.
But right now, all you can safely know is that you might be having a painful but normal human reaction to some very negative stimuli you experienced in your past that you kind of buried; or, you might have a mental illness or disorder that is actually not tied to this bullying at all, but you don't know any other way to contextualize it, so you attach it to the bullying.
Please, don't be afraid to go and really find out. And also - don't be afraid to actually be OK. I work with and know many, many young creative people - and it is really normal and common for them to want to be different in some way; or to look for how they are different, and specifically, look for how they are "damaged" because there are so many famous artists (writers, painters, composers, etc) who were suffering from mental illness.
You don't need damage to be a writer.
I hope you take the time to read and re-read what everyone has written you. We are all saying the same thing different ways. And Polly Sue, that means that we actually have been caring.
