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I Ended Up In Handcuffs - Supporter/sufferer Traumatic After-event

  • Post starter Post starter Aroduth
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Aroduth

Both of us are sufferers but in the aftermath of a recent trauma, SO had an episode. I don't know how to describe it exactly.

But I feel like I need to talk about it and it's not possible non-anonymously. At the same time, I wish it could be related in context. SO has a complicated history, and is needing support and help more than ever. This is not a fresh event, and things are in a different place so I want to make sure that's clear at least. I'm not looking at all for anyone to tell me to leave this person. I am writing here, anonymously, to protect us in triple anonymity, while I process this.

We were with SO's relative who had been a source of trauma in the past. Recent trauma didn't have to do with SO's relative.

SO was already triggered by a conversation we'd had on the way there. Then we arrived, and they laid down while I spent time with relative. I checked in on them but the interaction escalated. So I retreated. SO's relative tried to talk to them but that erupted into one of the worst episodes of rage I've ever witnessed.

They smashed things, they yelled, they threw and broke furniture, plates, picture glass. They yelled at relative, they yelled at me. SO's relative just stood there. I cowered on the sofa and cried. They pushed the other furniture and it pressed against my legs. They yelled and yelled, said it was all over for them. They stripped naked and ran through the screen door, and yelled at the entire apartment complex to call 911. But I think someone already had because minutes later police were at the door. SO sat down naked on the floor. They came in and put handcuffs on me and handcuffs on SO. They took me to another room. It turned out later that they mistook something on my arm for blood. Eventually they removed the handcuffs.

I still remember the handcuffs. They were cold and heavy, they seemed a bit grimy. I couldn't believe how heavy they were.

They took a statement from me, and from SO's relative. I think SO calmed right down as soon as the police came in the door.

They took SO away to the hospital. I called SO's psychiatrist and therapist. Therapist called me back and suggested we go to the hospital so SO would know we cared. I helped relative clean up the mess, all the broken glass. I don't remember if we cried together. I don't remember much of what was after that. Except I felt really bad about all the broken things. And I felt really afraid. I think I googled involuntary hospitalization at some point because I didn't know what was to come.

I didn't see SO for a long time. Eventually did, with some stressful family intervention because of relative's approach to "helping". So I had to kind of manage things from both sides. Multiple sides. They released SO that same night at 3am with discharge paperwork that said 'acute psychosis'. We went home.

Things aren't 'acute psychosis' now. There's a lot more that isn't in this one episode.
Except for the two other people who were there, I still feel like crying about it. I have flashbacks when we go visit relative. I want to still help pay for damage that's there. I keep thinking about the handcuffs. I'd never been in handcuffs before.
 
What a traumatic time. I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this and then to be put in handcuffs. Is SO still being treated? I can't believe they let him out so soon.

It's important that you are, at least, finding and getting support where and when you can that's healthy.
 
Oh my goodness, I don't know what to say, but I want to give you a hug if you want one. What a storm you've been through, I imagine your world feels pretty topsy turvy at the moment. I am sorry, and I hope things improve soon. I'm not sure of your question, if any, or if you just needed to share, but... I hope you get some support and help here.
 
I really just needed to get it out, anonymously. But I appreciate the responses. SO is getting treatment.

I don't know what else to say. It was a harrowing experience. It was helpful to write about it here.
 
Acute psychosis sounds spot on and when that presents itself in a raging way then it must be pretty terrifying.

I understand how hard this must be for you as not only have you experienced this but if you spoke to people generally then they would likely not understand at all and instead of getting the support you need and being able to discuss it and your feelings it often ends up being a partner bashing session.

I am glad he is more stable and no more psychotic episodes. I wonder at the wisdom of staying with this relative.

Do you have a therapist that you can discuss this properly with?

It is a terrible thing you experienced and I can imagine the fear confusion and helplessness. And then to be handcuffed at the end must have been the last straw. I have had police attention as a result of mistaken identity and as I am someone who is so conscientious I found extremely distressing. Its like the one safe thing gets turned into a threat and it affected my feelings of safety afterwards.
 
it's basically filed away in the list of all the traumas. :( I have a therapist but looking for an EMDR therapist. I did talk to current therapist about this but it's kind of as you say Esuw, I feel like so many sessions lately, if they aren't partner bashing sessions, end up being more like reliving the trauma sessions, some degree of (possibly invalid) reinforcing that I'm just a simple victim of everything, blah blah blah.

Btw the relative -- it was just a visit, it's not someone either of us is living with. Unless you mean SO. I might be confused.
 
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