Relationship I Ended Up Confronting Him

[Glara]

So I ended up confronting him about being blocked from Facebook updates. He immediately denied it, and even called me. I didn't answer, instead I told him I was shopping. Later I sent pics of what the updates look like and what the blocked message looked like. He seemed believable in his continued denial. He said he really doesn't know, but that he did delete one of the updates, but didn't block me. If I believe him, there's no explanation for when he was away. Anyway, I answered ok, I'm sorry, it's very hard with so little contact. All I have is my imagination. He didn't respond.

So he jumped on responding to the Facebook thing, even called. But ignored the part about little contact. I purposely said the part about my imagination because I didn't want to outright accuse him of anything, but I wanted him to understand why I'm having doubts. But no response.

Yes, I said I was ok, I thought I was, but then I had to see what would happen. I couldn't let it go. Now I'm as confused as before. No answers. I feel like shit. This whole thing is very unhealthy. I'm at a loss.

 

[Sighs]

I know PTSD sufferers (and people generally) don't respond well to ultimatums but I wonder if it would give you some closure? By that I mean you contacing him and saying something along the lines of "Look, I'm at my wits end here. If you want any kind of relationship with me I need more contact. If I go 24 hours without hearing from you - without prior warning - then I will block you from my Facebook, my phone etc. You will never hear from me again."

If you don't hear from him - then you know its over and you have to go through with your "threat" and actually remove him from your life forever.

If you do hear from him then you can re-evaluate whether its worth it for you.

 

[Glara]

@Sighs, it would definately give me closure but it does seem harsh. I suppose I could do it more gently, without such a rigid timeframe, and not so much " forever" attached.

I wish there was something else to say. I wasn't expecting his reaction to the Facebook thing, but I don't know what I did expect either. And I did expect him to respond to the last part about little contact, instead I got no contact.

Why can't I just let it go?

 

[Nam]

Personally, I don't see much gray area here. It's either you're in or out. You haven't left yet, so there must be something there. So if you are in, answer the phone when he calls. Isn't that what you wanted? Be ready to listen. Ask questions. Be open until you can't. When that happens, tell him that you've tried but can't do it anymore.

 

[Sighs]

mmm - I guess the rigid timeframe and the forever was kinda my point though. If all you do is ask him for more contact its just more of the same. If you want a game changer you have to be prepared for the fact that it might be a deal breaker.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Why are you addicted to the drama?

No offense, but all of your posts are the same. You never take anyone's advice. Do you not want to heal or do you feed off the drama?

 

[Queen Boudica]

I think this is just too much. It is not about PTSD, it is about a relationship that is clearly dysfunctional. And keeping creating new threads every time something happens about him on Facebook where he blocks you or not or does not phone and trying to guess whether he is lying or whatever is just becoming a bit much.

 

[Glara]

Ok I won't.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Well having said that, if you now have to donate $1 every time you create a new thread, you'll have paid for the whole server by the time this relationship issue is resolved.

 

[shimmerz]

I wonder @Glara, if counseling would help you. I know how it feels to have my brain stuck in a never ending loop. Sometimes it just takes someone to say one thing....and someone who is working with you to get you out of the loop. Someone who can understand the conflict you have going on inside.

I understand how impossible a decision like this must feel, but I think those of us who have worked on our PTSD realize how important it is to 'help ourselves first' is. I think some of the frustration you are hearing from board members might be that we can see that you are obviously in pain, but that you must look at how your own actions are feeding into this problem. That is, at times, a difficult thing to grasp and we know it. Many of us have taken years of therapy to see the pattern of this. I hope that you can get to a place of peace.

 

[ms spock]

I think @shimmerz is right. You need therapy @Glara. You are in so much emotional pain about something that may or may not be happening. There are some big attachment issues there, some big trust issues there, there are so co-dependency issues there, and some significant abandonment issues there as well. I would suggest that you are not ready for a relationship until you really work through some of these issues in a big way.

That much emotional pain within yourself - that needs tending to and caring for. You need self love and self care firmly in place before you can be in a relationship.

I would really start your search for a psychologist and look at your family of origin issues, what need in you is this meeting for you in having an unavailable partner? What is this reliving from your childhood?

If you can work these out it will make a huge difference to your every day life.

Good luck!

I am a sufferer and I am not easy to be in a relationship with at times, just so you know. I am also a supporter as I know a lot people with PTSD online and in real life. And it is not easy. It can be confusing and scary at times.

 

[ms spock]

[DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/albums/the-mindful-way-through-depression-full-youtube.802/[/DLMURL]

It is five hours long but it goes over the ruminating thinking which I find very helpful.

It might help you @Glara as you do seem to be having a lot of repetitive thinking, (as I do @Glara.)