I Feel Like An Ass For Saying This:

[Edu]

No really.

I feel like an ass for saying this.

But I don't like reading other people's Trauma Diaries. It really just... it's upsetting to read. And for good reason too. We're all here because of those upsetting and downright f*cking awful experiences.

But I just can't read other people's diaries. I just CAN'T. It's depressing and I feel like I have enough of my own issues to deal with. I can't deal with other's as well.

And yet I want other people to read mine. To share and understand the pain I've been living in. I feel the need to be understood.

What a jerk right? :/

I know it's awful but that's how I feel.

 

[Vadet]

Then dont read them.

I expect most sufferers have felt the same at some point, so this is nothing new to most of them.

In time you may be able to read some of them, but until then, please dont let it get to you so much.

Others will read yours as and when they can.

 

[Agaf]

I know what you mean. I don't read many other diaries either. Sometimes I do want someone to read my diary and give me some feedback but I know how hard it can be. A lot of times I just need to get things out just to get it out of my head and down somewhere else and I don't want any replies. When I really need some feed back for something specific I will repost in another thread, one that doesn't trigger so many others or scare them away.

 

[Fikok]

I have a really hard time reading other people's diaries too. It's okay, those who can handle it will read what they want to, and the rest of us can post to get it out. Maybe when I have better coping skills I'll be able to join the readers. Until then, I'll post and work on growing strong enough to be there for someone else to lean on when they need it. I'm not ready for that yet, but it's a goal to work towards.

 

[Haceco]

I can not read everyones diarys, because some of them are too triggering to me, and I cannot deal with it. You are normal for what you have been through. There are so many who cannot read. Just focus on dealing with you, and keep on writing and getting it out of you. It will get better in time. Take good care of yourself as you go through this.

 

[Zimud]

There is no need to read other people's diaries because you want yours to be read by others. It's not a quid pro quo thing.

I sometimes read some diaries, but I don't necessarily post. That's an option too. Your diary might be read by some who do not post. That's okay too.

 

[Sigumo]

It's okay, I feel like that too quite often. I feel bad for going weeks without replying to someone, especially if I had previously read and replied to someone's diary. But sometimes I just cannot handle it.

 

[Oku]

I think we can have our fragile days when we have to dose ourself on what we focus on. I find it is not good to read things that will upset me. So I do not go online. I hope this helps.

 

[Ilug]

I agree. I wouldn't ever want anyone reading my diary, if I knew it was causing distress. I also hope nobody ever feels obligating to replying. I read what I can but I often just can't keep the concentration.

 

[NarcSis]

Your job in healing is to look after you and if reading diaries upsets you, then please don't think there is some obligation to subject yourself to other traumas.

Secondary traumatization is a real occurrence and it's not part of healing. Please look after yourself.

 

[Apuruw]

Yeah, I don't go into most peoples diaries these days. Every now and then I will visit people who have been here a while and who are further along in their healing, because I know it is not so heavy duty, and it doesn't leave me changed and taking on other peoples anger and hurt...which has happened in the past.

I need to improve at not taking on other peoples pain before I can go there again...and I'm here to focus on my own healing. Me reading about other peoples horrible childhood experiences doesn't help me or them, and I really don't know what else I can say except for wanting to rip their parents heads off and shit on them...which only makes me more angry than I already am.

I also get the same thing as you though, where I get insecure if no one reads my diary or leaves comments. It makes me feel like no one cares about me...but then I have to remind myself that they are all pretty caught up with their own stuff too, and may feel the same way I do. I'm grateful when one or two people make an appearance now and then.

It's really only when I feel very needy for attention that I get insecure about not getting any.

I'm glad someone had the guts to bring this up, even if it is in the anonymous section. I guess that is what it is for though. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

 

[Atap]

The way I look at it is trauma diary is you. You don't need to read others- they are not you. If you write one, realize that it's for you and that others don't need to read it.

Mostly we all just want support- an "I'm here for you." message, and that can be done without looking into trauma diaries. Post on someone's profile- hugs mean a lot. So do messages like "Hi, just thinking of you. Hope your day went well." or use the inbox.