I Feel Myself Slipping Away

[heidi]

No, haha. My own.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((heidi)))))

Thank you for clarifying. I appreciate it.

 

[heidi]

Your advice was great.

 

[MouseWedger]

Heidi said

I think you should find a new relationship. I know that sounds cold and pragmatic, but really if this is so important to you, you might not be able to change you husband

This is me getting on my soap box. Im sorry if it comes off wrong, crabby, cranky pushy or any where in between. (I do appreciate all sides of the coin, and equally, different opinions, contrary to my soap box.) I love my husband. He has his faults just as I have my own. I knew he drank a lot before we got married and I chose to marry him anyways. I take my vows seriously and my marriage is not a game to me that I can just quit when things get rough. When I said "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part" I meant every single word. Just because my husband has a drinking problem and things are rough now, does not mean I should give up and go find someone new. Im sorry, but thats just me. Getting off my soap box now.

 

[Queen Boudica]

When I said "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part" I meant every single word. Just because my husband has a drinking problem and things are rough now, does not mean I should give up and go find someone new. .

MouseWedger. Yes it is good that you take your vows seriously. You are an honourable person and you love your husband with all his faults. Yes we all have faults. But alcoholism is a serious serious disease. It destroys everybody around it.

I have to say it, but your children will not have made those vows. They will not have chosen to be bought into an alcoholic household. As you did not either. Would you have made that choice? Did you as a child make that choice? Do you want that for your children? Your children are not going to be thinking about your marriage vows and how you must honour them, when their daddy comes home drunk. Or when they have no home to live in because there is no money because he has lost his job due to alcoholism.

I think what a lot of people are saying is don't bring kids into an alcoholic household. Make sure your husband is 100% off the booze, attending AA. If he is not willing to do that then don't do it.

If you think he will do this and can spend the time working on it, then that is brilliant. But please allow for the fact that it all could end up with him failing. That is not your fault.

You can still have kids. It is your choice. But please be realistic. Look at the whole picture. There are other options. And marriage vows, are a piece of paper in the end. There are very good reasons why people get divorced and alcoholic husbands are a very valid reason, if they are not willing to change.

I hope he does change. I hope you are right. But to me, kids would never be an option unless it is the case that he is putting in 100% effort and he is 100% tee total. If he wants kids, if he loves you he will put in that effort. If not he is not worthy of you or your kids.

But that is your choice, yes. But choices need to be made with all information there on the table. Choices can be very very hard sometimes, in fact they can seem impossible to make.

You are going the right way by now talking to your husband and getting him to see that his drinking is a problem. He needs to take a lot more steps before you can make that choice and for you to know your kids will not be being bought up in an alcoholic household. I hope he continues on that path. But, if he does not, then time to move on and not waste your life. Life is tough.

Everybody reading and writing on here are hoping that it will work out and that he does the right thing and that you have your kids.

 

[heidi]

.........

 

[MouseWedger]

Well as I mentioned in another post, he has been working quite hard at the drinking thing, and has done more in the way of being there for me and being understanding. I really think things have turned a corner. I know they wont become perfect over night, and that there may be times when things turn sour again, but he is willing to work towards what we both want as am I. Thanks everyone, for the support.

 

[ronin47]

That's awesome that he's willing to put in the effort to change. If he showed no real motivation to alter his behavior then I would say you need to drop the ball as you can't make him want to change. Be patient. Give it some time before you start working toward having a child. You will be glad you did in the long run. Parenthood is the biggest commitment anyone could ever make, it's not something you want rush into. Try to think of stabilizing your relationship as just one of the many steps toward successfully raising a child.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Your advice was great.

I 'liked' that not as in that I think my advice is sound, just that I'm glad you responded to me.