I graduated, my family ignored it

koalaburger

Learning
To put up that notice and lights in an extremely sarcastic manner and then telling you she is leaving is horrible. I think you dodged a bullet and will move on and get a woman who appreciates you. I would look back over the relationship and evaluate her negative behaviour and at least learn what you do not want from a partner. Your achievement is awesome and I would have run down the street telling everyone.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I just need a safe place to vent this.

This weekend, I graduated from law school with a juris doctor degree. This is a goal I have worked toward for well over a decade since I wasn't able to attend following undergrad. I worked pretty damned hard.

Like others, our law school's graduation ceremony was not traditional this year because of COVID-19. But, we did have a virtual ceremony online. I watched it alone. No one in my family watched it with me or remotely--not even my wife. Worse, she did not let my son watch it with me either. I watched as the comments rolled by from family members of my classmates, feeling pretty invisible and un-cared for.

What makes it worse is that when I graduated from high school and from undergrad, no one acknowledged it. I couldn't attend either of those ceremonies because I didn't have the money to pay for the cap & gown and other necessary things. And no one even said congratulations. When I was finally able to go to law school, I thought that this would be the time to replace those awful memories and make something new! My wife knows how much it hurt me that no one acknowledged my prior achievements. But she did this anyway. And now she wants to act like it's no big deal. she didn't even apologize until I told her what I would have said if I were her--then she just parroted the words back to me.

I wanted my son to see that the work I did paid off, that I had accomplished something big, and that he could too one day, and I would celebrate with him. But, now I feel like if I tell him how I feel and that he missed my graduation, he will only be upset. He is 6.

I have been looking forward to this day for so long. Even more so since the COVID-19 thing, because it actually gave me something to look forward to. But, it turned out to be an awful day that I will not be able to forget.

I totally get this! When I finished my 4 year degree, and made my parents proud that one of their children graduated from college, I didn't have the hundred dollars for cap and gown and fees. My parents had plenty of money....they even helped part of the time with the tuition. But they didn't care whether I marched....nor did they offer to pay for the cap and gown. I think I would have gone if my mother had said I deserved to march at graduation, and they were proud of me....that didn't happen. I got a masters degree, pd for the cap and gown, and marched then. Changing fields, I went back to school, for a different degree....I wanted to march, but my husband nor daughter cared whether I did.....it wasn't about money....it was about support. In a hot moment, I threw away the degree. I realized I was invisible....accomplishments and support didn't matter. I can certainly empathize with your situation. Getting a degree is a lot of work.
Being acknowledged for your accomplishments is important.....and you do matter. You should feel proud....I hope you do. For the long term, look at the way you are supported in your household. You see it changing anytime soon? Not acknowledging your accomplishments is hurtful and really unkind-and not sharing it with your son-unkind. Sure things have changed....it was a May post close to my heart.
 

mshienie

New Here
A lot of ppl are not going to understand your achievements. My parents didn't either. If your family is dysfunctional there is a fine line between understanding and acknowledging how you are. My parents just didn't get that same opportunity, so they never appreciate my accomplishments. Realize that you are more valuable to your worth and time.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
I don't pretend to understand relationships... I mean, ...How can someone stand up and say they love you and later, treat you worse than they would a complete stranger? It boggles my mind. Sorry for rambling.

I just wanted to say Congratulations on your achievement, be proud of yourself ....and I am sorry you don't have more support at home. I hope things will change for you in a positive and healthy way.
 

mshienie

New Here
yes it does bother me too but that is common for most toxic families. .especially dysfunctional ones, and thank you i appreciate that,
 

Mirage331

New Here
Graduating from law school is an amazing accomplishment - Congratulations! I am so sorry to hear it was followed up by your (ex)wife adding insult to injury by taking a week to somewhat acknowledge it and then delivering the news in the same day. Not allowing your son to watch the ceremony prior was also just cruel and unnecessary. On a smaller scale, I graduated with a Master's, but was more depressed than anything because I got strung along by a narcissist at the same time. I know it's tough to see right now, but you have so much success ahead of you and you can find someone so much better with which to share it.
 
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