I Hate Facebook

[Lionheart]

Facebook is supposed to be a social site and yet I haven't found it to be that way. The things people say are often anti-social and I have noticed a lot of my friends post their complaints rather than promoting the things they love. There a lot of smart-a*s comments, religious and political agendas, and mean-spirited stuff that I don't like as well. Seldom does anyone ask me how I am doing and I find that I sometimes feel more isolated after visiting FB.

I had one acquaintance who was always traveling the world and bragging about how great her life was and I just got so tired of her 'trumping" my good times that I unfriended her. Now I have only family and a few close friends that I associate with and I can manage my news feed by allowing only important comments to appear.

I post mostly nature and wildlife photos, positive quotes, and helpful health videos etc. to keep things more in line with the 'true me' and I have come to enjoy FB more after losing the fair-weather friends and the people who did not interact with me. As for comparing my life to others, I noticed that I always compared myself "down" rather than up....which is to say that I always thought my life was crap and their lives were perfect when in fact, this was not the truth at all.

I would suggest taking a break from FB and remembering that a lot of what we see of others is only what they want us to see.

best wishes,
Lion

 

[NarcSis]

I used to find myself dependent upon the superficial approval of my virtual social life via Facebook but, yes, I too found it only compounded my depression.

I used to feel worse when I'd need a shoulder to cry on or words of support, and I'd post it to my page and get no response....not one. But the very next day, I'd post a lie like, "Oh life is so beautiful and I'm so blessed to have friends like you!" and I'd get a ton of replies - sarcasm doesn't translate well into keyboard-ese. :D

What I have done is changed my Facebook to suit me, hide things/people from my main feed while subscribing to inspirational and motivational pages. Now all I see is designed to help me change my mindset and stay motivated.

I'd advise taking breaks from Facebook and challenging the real world though, we can't heal in a vacuum, we need real connections to do it adequately.

 

[Anna]

I hate facebook as well. I do not understand it myself.

 

[shoulderblades]

when I'd need a shoulder to cry on or words of support, and I'd post it to my page and get no response....not one. But the very next day, I'd post a lie like, "Oh life is so beautiful and I'm so blessed to have friends like you!" and I'd get a ton of replies

Exactly my experience of facebook! People expecting you to be there for them in their time need (which I always was for my friends, often over pretty silly things that they'd be over and would have forgotten about in a day or two). But where were those "real" friends of mine when I needed someone to turn to?? Bah.

Facebook, to me, is a real asshole litmus test. Strangely enough, I find struggling with mental health issues or going through really hard times in life is a real asshole litmus test, too - the amount of true friends I can still call true friends when I've reached the other side usually only amounts to no more than the amount of fingers I have on one hand, if I'm lucky.

 

[Tanishq]

If I didn't have those 5-10 good people, probably today I would have deleted mine Facebook account. I have started removing those people who no longer converse with me. I have removed those who made me feel like bad or unable to reach them.

Friendship is supposed to be friendship. not another thing. We should be able to converse and have good time together.

I plan to login their for once-twice in a week. But yes, I have given up expectations of chatting with people there.

I am lucky that I found 5-10 people. It's enough and big for me. I don't mind seeing other people getting happy. I do want to give and receive in friendship or family like people on Facebook.

I am sorry starry you are going through lots of issues. I have also realized if you have 2-3 friends who let you talk with them and give you a ear in person. that's the BEST and real friends. other than good enough to leave them.

 

[Tanishq]

Seldom does anyone ask me how I am doing and I find that I sometimes feel more isolated after visiting FB.

Those who ask you that means they care about you. It amazes me how people can be so careless for their friendships. Few people have asked me how are you? This forum and few Facebook friends. Of course some are on emails, they always ask me how I am and mean it. Thank god, there are good people who live on this planet.

 

[Loner]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/number-of-users-who-actually-enjoy-facebook-down-t,29503/

You're not alone.

 

[Tanishq]

Loner, I have heard some people spend their half day on Facebook. :eek: I used to hang out their for 2-3 hours to get some help or get someone to talk. Also had lady friend there who posted every four hours.

Now I am not going to do this stupidity anymore.

 

[Britt.f7]

Loner, isn't the Onion a satirical paper?

Facebook and I have a love hate relationship. It can be depressing, but I don't think it is facebook so much as my response to my expectations. It's a social network, but people still have busy lives. I try not to get discouraged if someone doesn't respond. I guess it gives me leeway to not respond. People definitely have agendas but they do in real life too. I also think in real life there are people who can't handle anything that is remotely "down". I have some real friends on there, but they are real friends in life too. There are also some acquaintances and family on there. I have to pick and choose from there stuff.

Being someone who is usually housebound due to illness and or anxiety, it gives me an outlet. So does this forum. I feel sad with both of them if no one is on or communicating with me. I'm learning not to take it personally. Not an easy task, but a rational one.

 

[Tanishq]

I have some real friends on there, but they are real friends in life too.

I have on teacher on there. Today I reminded her. She used to give us lectures on motivation and positive things. She was our lecturer in bachelors degree.

She once told me, going through bad circumstances isn't bad, at least you got to learn what not to do again.

So this is a lesson for me. Not to go with those people who treat you like some acquaintance under the name of friendship. I feel like beaten severely on this matter. I also learned something that if you friend cares about you, they will reach you or will let you know that they care.

 

[Loner]

Most of my facebook friends aren't people I actually will talk to, but they are people I knew in the past and had enough genuine affection and good will for that I just want to keep in some sort of touch with and just see how they are doing in their lives and what they are up to. I also am friends with a few people I honestly think are kind of crappy people (one threw my dogs ball into moving traffic!!!!) but they post some cool stuff (he's a professional skier) so I just like seeing what they post.

And yes, the onion is a satirical paper Britt, just trying to lighten the mood, and kinda remind us that people without ptsd view facebook in the same way as some on this thread too.

 

[Philippa]

I agree with Britt in that it's important not to take it too personally if people don't give us what we want on facebook. After all, it is supposed to be a light place to post basic updates.

I have never found it to be the right context to reach out for help from people there, although I have posted the odd post when I've been down or emotional, and received cyber 'hugs', so I don't really know what it is like to be rejected there for that reason, because I choose not to talk about my stuff there...I come here if I need support, or I might call a friend...just one person.

Opening myself to lots of people, some of whom I don't really know, on facebook...I don't think that is wise, and I've had enough experience on other forums where peoples responses can be lacking in empathy, that I'm not willing to expose myself unnecessarily, when I know there are plenty of people who are empathic here.

In short, I haven't really had a bad run with facebook, because I block out anyone who shows signs of being mean or bullying straight away...there is no 3 chances system. If they attack me or are rude just once, they are gone.

In general, I think facebook is designed to bring out peoples insecurities...so if you are prone to taking things personally then it can be a hellish place. People are busy in their lives, and they don't always want to come online to be hit with someone elses problems. They just want a bit of light entertainment, or look at some nice pictures, as a distraction from what is going on in their day. It's superficial, but it's not supposed to be a support site.

I've seen friends reach out there who are depressed and received lots of supportive hugs and attention, but they don't do it all the time, so people are generally generous. I try to keep good people only on my friends list. If someone is regularly posting about being depressed, or having problems...I'm sorry, but it's boring to the rest of the world. No one really cares on facebook...and do they have to? It's not supposed to be a place where people go to talk about their problems. It's a distraction from everyday life for most people.

I try to just post beautiful pictures of nature, or messages that are true and good reminders that are also positive...and occasionally the odd freaky thing that I find funny...like crazy sea creatures, or stories that are out there...just to give people something nice to look at...because that's mostly what people want.

I also find it a bit isolating at times, but I don't necessarily equate someone asking me how I am with them genuinely caring how I am, in fact, most of the time, when people ask me how I am I take it to mean that they just want to hear me say "I'm fine" so then they can reply the same when I ask them. It's all pretty superficial. No one really cares how I am.

I like to ask people how they are feeling...so then they can actually stop and check in with themselves as to how they are really feeling. I'm a bit different to you loner, in that I don't have too many people there who I don't actually talk to, or people I don't know in some way, whether it is through work or friends I hang out with.

I don't like to keep too many 'friends' who aren't really friends, or who don't contribute to my life in any way, and I've deleted ex boyfriends who never chatted with me or contacted me from there. I like to clear my friends list regularly and delete anyone who is not really a part of my life there or in real life.