I Hate Family Get Togethers

[Forgetful]

Tomorrow is Mothers day and I'm already stressing out about it.

My older brother is having the whole family to his house to celebrate.I get along with my parents, 2 of my brothers and their wives. I do NOT get along well with my other brother ( one of my abusers ) or his wife. They both look down at us and and never pass an oppurtunity to tease me, talk negatively about my family and I, or treat us as if we aren't good enough.I could live my life without seeing them but unfortunately they live across the street from me.

Sadly this brother and I used to be very close. This all ended when I was 13.

I want to celebrate Mothers Day with my mom but I am already stressing about it so much I am physically making myself I'll. The last 2 times we have met up we've had huge, massive blowouts between my brother, his wife, my husband and myself.

I am looking for some suggestions on whether I should go or just stay home. Please help.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It must be very painful and frustrating.

As I read your post, one question came to mind: why do you still have contact with your abuser? Yes, it's your family, but anyone who treats you that badly does not deserve your time or your attention. Especially since he obviously is not sorry for what he's done to you and he's still continuing the abuse.

Also, does your mother know what happened to you and what your older brother's part was in it? Perhaps you can make an arrangement with her that you see her right after mother's day, and that in the future you keep visiting her as often as you want, but at times that your older brother isn't present.

Personally (and I don't know your whole story so I might very well be wrong about this), I wouldn't go. I would tell my mother that I love her very much and would love to be there, but that the circumstances are too hostile for the visit to be nice for either one of us. I'm sure your mom wouldn't enjoy another massive blowout, or would she?

As to your other brother, can't you keep contact with him separately? You can still visit each other without the whole family being there, can't you? And does he know about the history of abuse?

Thinking of you.
And a big friendly hug if you'd like one. :hug:

 

[Forgetful]

Thank you Snow white for your reply and for the hug.

I rarely have any contact with my brother or his wife. I usually back out of these get together, holidays etc, but this one is all about mom.

Both my mom & my dad knows about my trauma history. They were told about 3 years ago when I was diagnosed. We've never talk about it and I know they accept my PTSD but they don't understand my behaviors, thinking, stress or actions. I don't know what my siblings know about part of my trauma and PTSD. We were raised by the idea that if you ignore it it will go away and why can't I get over it. It has been 30 years. Why do I keep thinking about it are common questions I hear all the time.

I'll have a talk with my mom and decline my brothers invitation.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Both my mom & my dad knows about my trauma history. They were told about 3 years ago when I was diagnosed. We've never talk about it and I know they accept my PTSD but they don't understand my behaviors, thinking, stress or actions.

If they don't understand, perhaps you can explain it to them? Sit down with them and take the time to talk about it with them?

Yes, Mother's Day is all about your Mom, but that doesn't mean you are any less important. Not this day and not any other day. You deserve their understanding and support.

You are not a bad person for backing out here. I think that once your parents understand your PTSD, things will get much, much easier for all of you.