Hi @
I'll make tea, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I'm going to offer a different way of looking at some of the things you talked about in your original post on this thread. Feel free to either take them into consideration, or reject them. I'm not here to accuse or insult you, and as such, do not wish to debate or argue as I'm only trying to be helpful.
It sounds like your husband initially agrees to go to places you like/want to go because he DOES care about your wants and needs and really does WANT to go. I don't think he INTENDS to lie, or not follow through. But once he steps into the place he finds it way too overwhelming and needs to get out. It's easier to make up excuses - too smelly, too expensive, etc. - EXTERNAL reasons, than to admit (to you and to himself), that it's just too much for him to handle right now - an INTERNAL reason.
You say you like crowds and busy places and feel you need that in your life. That's totally understandable and really okay! There is nothing that says you have to everything with your husband. He does things and goes places with just his friends, other vets, and you have every right, and ability, to do things with just YOUR friends, or with family, or alone, it's your choice. But just not doing them or saying you can't because he doesn't want to, that's giving him way too much power over you and your life. Similarly, it is not his choice, or his right, to decide whether or not you see an individual therapist for yourself. Again, that's giving him too much power. And whether or not you discuss him with your therapist is quite frankly, none of his business. Do you dictate what he can and cannot discuss with his therapist - I highly doubt it. So what gives him the right to dictate that to you? My partner and I have been together 8 years. We have a child and we've built a house together. But we also have our own lives. We support each other and also do this together - the 2 of us as a couple, and the 3 of us as a family - but we also have activities and outings and such that we do apart.
If you are going out to dinner as a family, try starting out with asking him where he would like to go. You said (something to the effect of), you would let him choose if he told you he needed that. Instead of waiting around for him to admit that, use the knowledge you already have with the issue and take the initiative by asking him to choose from the beginning.
Please don't take what I'm about to say as a put down, because that's truly not how I mean it. You seem to be putting yourself and acting in a victim role. I say that because you've mentioned him "lying to" you and him "treating (you) this way." It would serve you well to "reframe" that and realize that this really isn't about you. I acknowledge that it involves and affects you, but the things you refer to him doing are directly related to his PTSD. If you were here saying that he beats you and/or your child, then yes, of course, that would abusive and totally unacceptable behavior - PTSD or not. But I'm not hearing that's the case. I'm hearing that right now he is not able to do things and take you and your child places that you would like to go and do. That's where he is right now. Theoretically, that won't always be the case. He is in therapy and presumably working on his issues, so hopefully in time he will be able to go and do more. Just not yet. So YOU go, YOU take your child places you want him or her to experience. Yes, of course I realize that ideally these would be family outings, but he's just not capable right now.
PTSD in a relationship means making adjustments - for both parties. No, it's not fair and yeah, it sucks sometimes, but it's what you are both dealing with right now.
I hope you find this at least a little bit helpful, and I really hope that you will look into seeing a therapist for yourself.
Take care. :)
