I Have Given Up On Life, How Do I Recover?

[Mythor20]

Hi all, I have posted a bit of my life story in intro's, I am tired of saying whats wrong with me, what I need is help to get back on track, how to find some pleasure in life, perhaps for the first time.

I have heard that "thoughts are everything", if this is true I am in a bad way, all I think of is negative thoughts and the fact I have no reason to live and I shouldn't have been born in the first place!

I have been on 60mg of Cymgen (Floxetine anti-depressant) although I would call it a depressant! I have had more suicidal thoughts on it!

Is getting better just a matter of changing all the thoughts in one's head? I have way too much free time (not money though!) I do have a full time job but no medical insurance is offered. I cannot afford decent therapy.

Please let me know what you think is a good way to recover from insanity (depression, loss of will to live, suicidal thoughts etc.)?

I told my GP that I am still depressed etc on the Cymgen, he now wants me to go from 60mg to 90mg which I have not done as the side effects of water and solid retention affects me badly and I have lost my libido somewhat.

I am still on 60mg Cymgen. Please help????

 

[Crimson]

Mythor20,

"Still depressed" is different than what you have described; your doctor needs to hear about this as soon as possible in the full text of this post.

Peace,
Crimson

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

If your suicidal thoughts are getting to were you want to act on them you really need to check yourself into a hospital. Those are not taken lightly.

You doctor needs to hear about this. He should be able to try you on something else. And I think maybe you should look in a psychiatrist, who would understand the medical part and also the mental part of depression and PTSD. I am not sure how long you have been on your medication, but it takes some time to work ( up to 3 weeks), so you would have to give it some time. If you find you are really, badly depressed in a shorter amount of time ( I would say up to 1 week after starting), then increasing the dose will only make your depression worse. It's a bad sign when the medication makes it worse! I should know I have been on quite a few. Really look into a psychiatrist. GP don't really have the knowledge you need.

And just a question...If you have "given up on life", how to expect to recover? I think acceptance of your situation will play a big help. Knowledge too, I learned that the more I learned about what is now a part of my life and myself, the more accepting I was and the more healthy I am becoming. You still have your temporary draw backs of course.

Just food for thought.

 

[Mythor20]

Thank you Crimson, I see everyone else either is away on holiday or not bothered with this forum, it seems people suddenly recover during the festive season?

Aren't the ones who can afford going on holiday lucky!

As usual I will continue suffering alone in my life, why people want me to keep myself alive is beyond me, it is for their sakes not mine!

 

[Mythor20]

I am not on medical insurance Ayesha, no free care here LOL, the pro's want to make their millions, they don't give a rats arse about people, just the money in their bank accounts!

I am tired of these doctors who ask for a lot of money and are incompetent and should be put in jail for daylight robbery!

What a shame I cannot afford proper therapy, oh well, too bad!

 

[Mythor20]

Don't bother contributing here, nobody cares anyway, that is the truth!

 

[Gamereign555]

I don't think a psychiatrist is the only answer, in fact depending on your situation you might not have access to one. My GP is wonderful and has helped me quite a lot. But I came armed with quite a lot of information about my situation, also I have a trauma therapist to back me. Basically if the doctor is willing to work with you, heck that is a long way farther than 5 minuite slap together appointments some doctors are used to.

The answers aren't straight forward here, some doctors are amazing and everything they touch is gold but for those who are not?? Throw them a bone and show that you are pro active about your own illness, present data you keep on how you feel, and when and how you are sleeping. Get a trauma therapist, not to spill your guts, but to at the very least isolate what is happening to you and get some coping skills. Your up and coming and less experienced doctor will be very pleased that another professional is looking into your condition.

This is yours and our condition to live with, we might as well be experts, at least in how the condition effects ourselves. I don't however believe in an all out solution for everybody because that doesn't exist and that is the only thing I can say for sure with anything.

If you are in and out of the hospital like I was, hopefully the resources department will automatically flag you as a person that needs low income therapy asap. Don't worry about the money right now, this is your well being! However I would never trade my current low income trauma therapist for anybody because that is where she wants to be, shes not in it for the cash, she is there because she wants to help people in these situations.

 

[Mythor20]

Thanks for the post gamerein555, my current situation is that I know what is eating me up, I am always thinking "depressed". I must change my state of mind to happiness!! Is this just a matter of forcing myself to be happy, fake it to make it? Will I be training my subconscious mind? Will this help, I think I am responsible for my thoughts and the condition of my mind to an extent?

 

[Gamereign555]

I made up a daily plan when I was really bad and in bed all day. It had gone on for over 2 months and I wasn't eating hardly anything. At first it was simple stuff, the basics that everyone does or should do in the morning. Wake up, shower, shave if you look like hell, brush your teeth, ect. The amount of energy just doing the basics will give helped push me to the next task. Try to eat something substantial so I can take my multivitamin. Then I do a chore that involves walking around if any, if not a walk outside is a good idea.

I always take a look at important stuff coming up so that I am not caught off guard, also if I put off what needs to be done I will get very lazy and not do much that day. Sleeping meds should be taken in moderation, to maybe just using them twice a week at most to avoid insomnia backlash. If mixing your herbal supplements is too strong and makes you sleep in excess of 12 hours then don't mix. Don't drink alcohol either it is a depressant. Just one step at a time at first but getting used to following a schedule, working towards goals, eating and sleeping properly and trying old or new things to do for fun or crafty to do. This what I have to do everyday to avoid falling into the pit of my own thoughts.

This helps me keep a grasp on reality, makes me feel more like a part of the rest of the world. Human interaction everyday is a plus also. Maybe talk to someone who listens or understands like family a friend, even over the phone is very useful. If you go out to the store or anywhere, try to talk to someone, even if its lame kind of chit chat. Well my girlfriend helped me through my major depression and anxiety so having someone there who helps you get better and encourages you to succeed and basically babysits you was very helpful in the beginning and I don't know what I would have done without her. Probably end up in a hospital.
However I had to learn to not rely to terribly on her for everything as time went on and that thought alone helped me want to be myself again.

 

[cdinwv]

I know what it is like to survive not having medical insurance. I know those vicious side effects of a pill that would make a person slit their wrists quicker than logic could be returned because of a pill and I refuse to take them unless it is life or death and for me, I choose my life naturally and naturally to medically help myself. If a doctor disapproves, I go to one that will help me to help myself and not comatose me through life.

The best way to change thoughts that you can't get yourself through is pick up books, workbooks and manuals pertaining to the topics that will help you. Read survivor stories of inspiration of those that have endured greater pits of hurt and hell than what one experiences when in suicidal thoughts. Get free books at the library and even Google Book Preview will let you read 3/4 of most books to help you out.

Call a suicide hotline to have someone non-objectively help you through a crisis. Suicide hotlines have helped me many times through my darkness and pain. It was not the things that was going on with me but the things that are screwed up in society that I can not change or getting disapproval because I am so liberal and against anything of conservative values especially in how to live healthy and happily against the odds. I call them to seek validation of my own logic against the broken systems of living life that majority rolls with. They are there to help you, to listen to you and may refer you to additional help but most will give what you need, just someone to listen who genuinely cares. We are their job security and they never want to lose one person in suicide or lead them death. They will remind you that you are a survivor and remind you though the path has been hard, it is not over and you are done here yet either. That first call is fearful but it is the best call you ever need on speed dial when you feel you have no one.

Occupy your hands in an art, musical instrument or manual labor to sweat it out. The dark clouds and the pain will cease when you allow your body to expel the thoughts that are trapped with in. Refocus your mind to happier times. It all wasn't dark or hurtful and if it is-create new happy thoughts and as many as it takes. Get a pet if you are able to or go to a local park and see nature. You'd be surprised how even watching birds can provoke moments of laughter when you don't want to laugh but the pick me up helps you when least expected. Above all, listen to the core of your heart and mind that is begging for help and find resources to help you that truly work for you.The words certified, licensed nor professional does not mean expert to your particular cirumstances. Always remember that. All of us have our views, ideas, and advice to contribute but it falls upon you what you chose to do or not for yourself.

I have friends who exercise to relieve stress. I have jogged in place for 20 minutes at a time to release the inner struggles I have and done pilates in my own home solo to relieve the stress and the gloom. I would force my body and mind to refocus to work together to overcome the suicidal lows with tears running down my face the whole time. It's not easy and it hurts. But if you try it and realize that there is a good way to hurt the body and mind so to speak by making yourself stand up each time you fall or reach out far enough with knowledge and support to realize you will make it, then it will all start working for you in time.

I hate prescription medications. Unless I fear my life is in danger, I won't take them. The side effects are never worth the benefits that I have found with anxiety, depression, and seizure medications. I research any medical issue that arises in me first. I seek out those who have walked similar or the same shoes for help and support of knowledge in figuring out what I am going to do for me.

I do not have the insurance to go to the doctor as I need to for PTSD and seeking professional therapy but what I do works for me. It keeps me moving forward, keeps me living and I am not just merely getting by or surviving anymore but actually living. Please consider researching books or even a local library for self-help books and turn those thoughts around. You are not alone. The best source of help I have yet to found is a Suicide Hotline. They are welcomed to saving a soul when ever you reach a low that you feel you can't get out of or no one else will understand. They do. Try it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

A MAJOR problem with doctors and the administration of psych meds is that instead of listening to patients about adverse effects, the doctor assumes the "symptom" is due to the depression (rather than a side effect of the med) and the dose is increased, thereby making the problem worse! ANY med that increases suicidality needs to be stopped (first of all do no harm, anyone?...)

 

[mamachick]

Welcome Mythor
You need to tell your GP about the increase in suicidal thoughts first thing. Some meds dont work for some people, but you must be honest with your doc.

Often clinics have grad students doing internships that can counsel you for free or very little. They may help you with some books, workbooks, etc. Some therapy can be better than no therapy when that is what is available-Im sorry it is not more available there. You say that your thinking is very negative, and grad students are usually very competent in assisting with thought patterns. Very basic skill.

As others have said, exercise, activities and so forth.

Your libido will return, your life will not. I know that side effects can be very uncomfortable and inconvenient, but when youre feeling this badly, they can not take priority.