I Have Given Up On Life, How Do I Recover?

[PerfectlyFlawed]

I agree with ScaredOfLonely. Doctors are not always the best in administering depression meds.

Take Care,
PerfectlyFlawed.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Mythor))))

 

[Helliepig]

Depression is a very complex thing. It can be how we describe all the yukky feelings from trauma and abuse that form a grey blanket. It can be about something specific that is being resisted that needs to be felt and faced. It can be about the sadness of loss and of all the things that have been lost. It can be the sapping of energy from parts of us that are denied and dissociated and hurting beyond belief. It can be the abandonment depression of realising you are alone in life and life is finite.

Sometimes it is overwhelming and unbearable, at best it is b*****y awful to experience. But it does hold clues, it isn't necessaily something just to be medicated away. With the right help at the right moment it is possible to sit with and face depression, and suicidal ideation - say for instance, in processing and reliving traumas or in facing ideas you need to get rid of.

Some doctors and therapists see it as a symptom to be cured, others see and understand the importance in the experience of depression and can help you move through it. Just like anything, there are people who are skilled and very good at what they do, and others who just go through the motions and don't really UNDERSTAND. Pick your doctor carefully.

As a doctor, I use meds, but only to help "prop" up people's "back axles" whilst they go through therapy - or for those who want a quick fix and aren't interested in any sort of therapy. There are as many different types of patient as there are doctors so it isn't one size fits all. I do believe meds are not the answer - but therapy can be so godamn painful sometimes they are needed and some people only want meds.

I suppose what I really want to say is depression is complex and changes and accompanies many of the stages of healing, it is not really an entity in itself, it is a clue, a symptom, a feeling, a normal human experience, a reaction to loss. It can be the part of the painful growth phase of healing.....

 

[4L150N]

If you're having trouble with depressive thoughts and negative thoughts, you might want to try a gratitude journal. Every day force yourself to come up with 3-5 things you are grateful for.... maybe it's snuggling with a pet, or drinking your favorite coffee, or sunsets, or a favorite actor/actress, or WHATEVER.... Try hard not to use the same thing in one week.... when you write them down in the journal, FEEL the happiness that comes with whatever you're thinking about. If you pay close attention, you will feel calm and might even smile after a little while. It's by no means a long term solution, but it's good to do when you notice that you're thinking more negatively than what's normal for you.

 

[jimmy-joe]

I must change my state of mind to happiness!!

Is this just a matter of forcing myself to be happy, fake it to make it?

Will I be training my subconscious mind?

Will this help, I think I am responsible for my thoughts and the condition of my mind to an extent?

State of happiness, what would you define that as? Overall? Or in the times when you feel like shit?

It is possible to change your emotions (years and years of practice there) by will, and it is really helpful for getting through the moments, but if the core reasons you're depressed are still there, gotta deal with them to ease their overall pain.

Perspective shifting :), I don't know exactly how to word this, but having a goal, be it for glory/peace/amusement/enlightment/invention/etc, to look forward to and work toward is an excellent way to pull you're mind off things till you can handle them better. For me it was always for the mantra, I'll get rest one day, so I can make it through all of this BS.

I goofed, I think, basically, near-future and far-future, attainable, challenging goal(s) provide something to occupy the mind and look forward too, so lol make sure it's a good, enjoyable goal.

Changing all your thoughts... Idk if this will be obvious/confused, but imagine your mind as a lawn and the base beliefs/experiences that your depression stems from as the weeds, you can trim them, you can plant over them, you can landscape, but the weeds will keep coming, even if you are diligent, so you just gotta keep ripping them up and tossing them out.

Idk personally, although I've gone maybe too far with it? Or perhaps it's gonna be a pendulum situation, but either way, personally, I've been trying to switch the things my dad instilled in me by stoking my anger at him. Obv not the best way, but I've managed to keep from switching to subservient child mode around him since a bit after I've started.

The point being, if you want to change persistent negative thoughts, dig for the roots. (with trauma, it's generally brutal I hear)

P.S. dunno you at all, so I'm probably WAY off base lol, and repeating obvious stuff, so um, I'll rebuke myself prior :)

thoughts and the fact I have no reason to live and I shouldn't have been born in the first place!

Regardless of religion/beliefs/background/skillz, etc, every person on the planet has something they bring to the table that no-one else brings. This is reason enough for anybody to be born.

Reason to live... :) take some of the time that you would have been using for negative thinking, and peruse the web/papers/movies/ whatever, there's something somewhere to provoke amusement or satisfaction, for every person, and it doesn't require suffering of other peeps. Maybe it takes a while to find it, maybe it does nothing more than give you a snort of amusement, maybe you save people's lives, maybe it casts such a huge light over your life you find it hard to be depressed about anything. It's the future, the only thing certain is that it's uncertain.

It doesn't matter if the only thing that brings you happiness is duct-taping fins to ducks and waging mock sea monster battles in a pond. All that matters is that you're alive and have a way to experience joy that doesn't hurt others. (maybe duct-tape is excessive, but they can dive, and scotch just won't cut it :( )

You can die any day, any moment, but you only have one life, and far too many flashy and sparkly thinga-ma-bobs covering this giant ball of charged particles held together by energy bonds :). (non-painful shinies must be touched to confirm both shininess and tangibility)

P.P.S. These are just the ways I made it through suicidal obsession from age 5, so idk, maybe they work for kids only

 

[Mythor20]

Hello everyone, I am afraid I received zero notifications until today strangely enough. I thought nobody had replied. I will read all the replies and respond when I can.

So sorry, you must have been wondering what was going on. By the way I have seeked government help. I have been diagnosed with mood disorder (bipolar maybe) and have been given some mood balancing drug (Epimil 300 CR twice a day). A nasty side effect of quitting smoking has landed me with very high cholesterol, I have medication for that too but I have to change my diet which aint easy on a budget but bottled water is still cheaper here than coke so I will give that a bash.

I do not recommend anyone quitting to smoke if they still have baggage to sort out.

Thanks to all who have responded, I will read all the posts and get back to you, I have to run...

 

[Mythor20]

Oh yes, I had a nervous breakdown soon after quitting smoking, nice hey? I suppose the breakdown was just brought forward a few years, maybe a good thing at least I recognise it and am getting help. Really have to go.

 

[Mythor20]

I have read all the posts and replies to my thread, thanks again to all the contributors!

I really lost the plot a few weeks ago, I was unable to control my mood and have had a couple of nasty encounters with strangers in public places, even a fist fight with a supermarket manager (he was a real a*****e) but I insulted him so badly I have been banned from visiting his store again. Luckily there are other alternatives and mostly cheaper too :-).

In desperate need of help I made some enquiries and eventually ended up at one of our largest government hospitals. Yes they are mismanaged and theft is rife but I was able to receive medical care although I had to spend half a day waiting but it was definitely worth it in the end!

I have been to see a psychiatrist who has put me on the Epilim to control my mood swings, she reckoned that I am not really depressed and don't need to be on anti-depressants. I am unsure how they get to that conclusion, she asked "are you depressed right now?" and I wasn't so I said no, I was glad I was being taken care of and maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel after all!

I have an appointment to see a psychologist next week Wednesday and also to attend occupational therapy - life skills etc.

I had still been on the 60mg Cymgen when I had first been attended to at the hospital, I told them that the stuff does not agree with me and they put me on a very low dose of Cipramil 10mg (lowest recommended dose is 20mg), this I eventually found out wass that they deemed the anti-depressants to not be necessary.

I have enough of the Cipramil to last 40 days, I don't know if I should finish them and at the end slowly wean off them or wean off them right now. I have not taken my dose this morning, why should I have the side effects if it is unnecessary? I have decided to get off them, am I doing the right thing?

I must say, today having taken the Epilim for 2 days now my mind kinda feels better but it is still hard to say as I am experiencing some side effects (sleepiness, strange painless headache and maybe I feel blood rushing around my brain if that's possible. I seem to be feeling a bit more happier but I am unsure if it is due to the use of the Cipramil (8 days) or because I haven't been to work for a few days and just have lower stress levels?

I had a fallout at work last Thursday at one of our main suppliers, I lost it completely and turned to jelly and the company I work for was told they were not prepared to do deal with us anymore. My boss had to go in on Friday and explain that I was not well. What an awesome day Thursday was, I was prepared to leave my job for good because I felt so bad about what had happened. The relationship has been patched up but they do not want to deal with me again, f**k them, this after hearing I have mental problems and I am getting help! Pity we have to deal with them at all, no other supplier in our country and we are not allowed to deal with the manufacturers directly overseas!

I need some time to see if the mood stabiliser helps me without the use of an anti-depressant, I hope so because I am now overweight and bloated and the less side effects I have the better.

I have sent an application through to be booked into a state funded mental institution to help me cope with stress and whatever else including relationships (how to love myself and others). There is a waiting list of a few weeks tho...

It took almost 2 years to really love my dog, that is a long time! Now I am petrified of losing him.

Take care all and I hope to keep you posted on any developments.

 

[Mythor20]

BTW I have an appointment to have a brain CT scan as well as an EEG, this to see if I have a biological cause for my OCD and for whatever other reasons the shrink had in mind? These appointments are staggered during the month of February. I am very grateful for this.

I must begin a gratitude list just as 4L150N stated above, I have forgotten to appreciate what I have in life, aargh, why am I so against this, must be my mood atm.

Until later, thanks for all the replies once again.

 

[Mythor20]

I forgot to say that I feel so much better since I stopped taking the Cymgen (9 days ago), I think the fallout I had with the one supplier was due to weaning off it, well actually cold turkey, mm, that might just explain why I went so crazy there.

Should I continue taking the Cipramil?

 

[justLogan]

Your're reaching out so you still have fight to live, keep it up.

 

[Mythor20]

your're reaching out so you still have fight to live,keep it up

I need to find purpose in life, thanks justLogan.