hillyer600
New Here
Around the age of eight my older brother and little sister (she is 40 heavier). We were left home a lot. My brother Matt and my sister Sara, dragged me off the couch and pinned me to the floor. Sara and Matt would kick me in my head and side. I would scream and cry for help and my little sister May, who was three and a half at the time, would scream, "stop hurting Dakotie!" This excalated to years of being suffocated, pushed down stairs, beat, etc. I did tell my parents, but was looked at as sibiling rivalry. I began having nightmares around the age of 8, these inceased to 4-6 a night from the ages of 10-13. My dreams consisted of me being raped, beat, suffocated or having limbs cut off. I became suicidal around the age of 10 until age of 14. When I was about to hang myself or run away, I would have intense visions of my little sister May crying over my dead body and trying to bring me back to life. I felt that if I was dead I would be abandoning her at the hands of my siblings. I could never do that to her.
Present day: I am going to college in August on a scholarship for speech pathology. I still have flashbacks that won't leave me alone, panic attacks and anxiety. I have tried to talk to my parents about the events, but they condemn me saying that I am not going to heaven with unforgiveness (they are both pastors). I want to go to therapy but my mother is holding my insurance card. I feel stuck. Any adivice would be helpful. Thanks
Present day: I am going to college in August on a scholarship for speech pathology. I still have flashbacks that won't leave me alone, panic attacks and anxiety. I have tried to talk to my parents about the events, but they condemn me saying that I am not going to heaven with unforgiveness (they are both pastors). I want to go to therapy but my mother is holding my insurance card. I feel stuck. Any adivice would be helpful. Thanks
