Thats what makes this so much harder and complicated.
Four years ago, before she was diagnosed, before there was a name for how she acted and treated me, I had an emotional affair which turned slightly physical. It was absolutely horrible behavior and completely inexcusable. I was the lying cheating scumbag. I know how horrible that was, and I am in a bad place right now so if the insults and judgement could be held off, I would appreciate it. I went clean with her and we started therapy. Every time one of them would call her out on her behavior or we would try to talk about her messing around with other people all the time, she would refuse to go back. That happened three times with three different couples therapists.
She has been seeing hers since then. For the last 4 years she was telling me that I was the reason she had PTSD, because of the affair. She just told me a few days ago that she has been doing EMDR for the last year to deal with all of her childhood traumas. Saturday night she got really drunk and started giving this girl a lap dance in front of me. The girl said something that I couldn't hear, it started with "remember the last time we did this..."
Then she went and grabbed a bunch of seashells and stuck them down the girls shirt. The girl grabbed them and put them down my wifes pants and said something about me. My wife then grabbed the seashells and threw them at me harder than I have ever seen her do or knew she was capable of. Me, and the guy sitting next to me got absolutely pelted. I said something along the lines of "what the f*ck? why are you throwing shells at me?" The other girl responded "hey, they were touching your wifes vagina" and they both got up and left.
The next night she was dancing with a different girl, I couldn't see anything that was happening because it was dark. However, that other girl came over to me and said that her and my wife were "molesting each other". I met my wife at the cooler and said "I dont think you understand the choices you are making right now" and I went to bed. She did end up coming to bed a few minutes later.
She gets so impulsive when she drinks, and messes around with anyone and everyone, except me. We basically haven't had any sexual contact since January. I understand why now, but I had zero explanation until the other day when she finally told me about the EMDR. I let it go for months before I finally asked her if we could talk about our sex life. That made her flip out and leave, but she did end up coming back obviously.
Last year she climbed into bed with another guy right in front of me and started grinding her backside against his crotch. When I called her out on it she just smiled. The next day she didn't even remember it happening. When I tried to bring it up in our session she flipped the f*ck out and said I was just trying to make her look bad and then that was the end of seeing that therapist. Then she drained our kids' savings accounts and was planning to use the several thousand dollars to leave.
These types of things have been happening since the beginning of our relationship and she categorically refuses to acknowledge it. Any time I try to talk about this stuff with her I end up apologizing to her for my infidelity 4 years ago and I don't realize that she has turned it around on me until after the fact. I don't think I have ever heard her sincerely apologize for anything. Everything she does is always someone elses fault.
Its to the point now where I dont even want to go hang out with our friends because something like this is bound to happen. Yesterday, after our dog and another dog snipped at each other, the homeowner screamed at me to "get that f*cking dog out of here", I just lost it. I had to get out of there. She refused to leave and kept our kids there. My daughter text me that she hated me for leaving. I was barely able to even function, if it wasn't for my sister answering her phone I dont know how well I would have handled it.
