I Just Found Out My Fiance Didn't Get Me A V Day Card Even Though He Had Plenty Of Time

[Queen Boudica]

Neither did I. I just looked it up now? Why isn't it publicised more? Think of all the money you could earn if for every valentines card, flower, edible underwear bought just 1 c was donated towards ending violence towards women and girls. I wonder if Rosie Batty is aware of it? I think this should really be advertised in Australia, we have woman of the year who is campaigning against violence towards women, V day should be linked to this.

 

[Tanishq]

@Lizio Your idea sounds. :tup: Agree with you and this can be peaceful way to motivate the movement and at the same time show warm love to women who are in love with their men.

 

[Chava]

By the way, it's February 8th. Most responsible, even loving guys get their Valentines Day cards somewhere around the 13th or 14th. Maybe he has other stuff to do? Just order yourself some candies.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I know people who would love to have cards and things given to them out of genuine and unconditional love. People here need that unconditional love and not some whiny BS from someone doesn't appreciate what they have.

Well maybe I will disclose WHY V-Day as we are calling it is most definatelly NOT on my best days of the year scheme. V-Day as you so eloquently put it for me this year would have been my 20th Wedding Anniversary. A major trigger for me and the reason I have just spent the last 5 days in one of the most painful depressive slumps I have ever suffered. Oh and whilst we are on this particular subject @Kristina25 I do remember every conversation you and I have had this last week in the chat room. Especially the one where you said *what have physical problems got to do with PTSD*. Guess what, every single member that has responded on this and your other threads has ****PTSD****, you claim to have this condition yet your DR refuses to diagnose you (a question many have asked you to clarify and yet you still refuse to answer what have been polite and courteous questions, or you have simply answered with a blank *because I do* answer)

If as you say this man wants to support you and you love him as much as you claim then stop wittering on ffs and either appreciate what he does actually do for you or leave him.

Oh and one last thing, may I point out, that to claim you are suffering a medical emergency then say you have accepted the advise of a trained medical professional (ME), state that you have called an Ambulance and it is on its way with *sirens going*, then 20 minutes later post in the chat-room that you are simply going to *GO TO BED* clearly indicating that my, and the advise of many others that morning was in fact been ignored totally.

YES @Kristina25 I am on a rant, as I would rather like the other members here to know what I, myself have witnessed in the chat room this last week.

Another point springs to mind. When you post a thread please don't the automatically head straight to the chat room and DEMAND that all members present read you thread, then have the audacity when those members take their time to respond you again DEMAND that they reply to your thread. This is at minimum rude and at most downright self-centered of anyone.


Rant Over. I hope you can answer my and the other members relevant questions on both this and your other thread, but before I go I am concerned about your cat who you said last Thursday had been *barfing* for the last two months yet when advised to get it to a vet you came up with the most ludicrous excuses as to why you didn't need to, then say you were taking it there on Friday.

Just Curios!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I remember when I was in this mode, not judging you here, but I remember when I cared a lot about those things. I don't anymore. And it's a huge relief.
I would care about all these little things and put my teeth in them, and then get Super Pissed Off if my SO didn't live up exactly to my expectations.

This isn't about him. It's not a big deal to not buy someone a card. It's just a card. Love is expressed in other ways, and it sounds more to me like you are afraid he doesn't love you. Which, judging by the earlier answers, isn't really the case -so maybe this fear is unrelated to him. Trying to pinpoint small stuff like this, and then obsessing, is going to make you unhappy and it is going to make him unhappy.

I'm not sure how I got out of that in the end. I realized that I was obsessing, and I realized my anger wasn't really caused by him. It was coming from elsewhere, from my past. From the anger that my parents didn't provide what I wanted. It's easy to project unto your partner, but it tends to lead to a whole bunch of (rather unnecessary) drama. So the question is: do you want that for yourself?.

Or do you just want to be happy? You choose.

 

[TonyG]

Um did I miss it again, I don't think I have ever bought a Valentine's day card or present, Don't think it is life changing if you miss it.

 

[Seagreen]

I'm not getting my partner a valentines day card. I'm not even sure which date valentines day falls on.. Have you previously explained to your partner that Valentines day is a big deal to you? Maybe he just doesn't get it.

 

[NarcSis]

I've been with my husband for almost 20 years. The first couple of years (before we got married) he was into the lovey-lovey honeymoon stuff & Valentine's Day but soon it became, "oh shit, that's today?" And he'd take me to pick out my own flowers (just as I pick out all of my birthday/Christmas and now anniversary presents). The point is, he has a penis, he grew up learning dirt & cars & fighting he did not grow up with frills & princesses & romance. The idea of fairy-tales & happily ever after has got to be the worst disservice society pays to little girls.

Anyway, Valentine's Day is a made up holiday, like Knights in shining armour & Unicorns. The reality is that life is not dreamy and a good majority of men could give a hoot about romance once they've landed the one they wanted. Honeymoons end and we should never expect anyone to be responsible for our happiness except ourselves.

I say this with extreme caution, but based on what others have reported, It sounds like the op should perhaps be assessed for some personality issues.

True happiness comes from within not a made up holiday and extreme dependence upon another.

 

[illusionist]

Op...you are certainly not alone in your thinking regarding Valentine's day. I used to work in a florists and had my eyes wide open to the whole brainwashing and the pressure put on others to follow the idea. The amount of men who would come in to buy flowers because they just wanted an easy life...they were not giving because they wanted to but they were expected to and low and behold if they forgot. Many would ask me, what flowers are nice?..what would you like?....what do I write on the card....asking me to tell them what their partner wants to hear. Another would be coming into buy flowers as an apology for spending the day in the pub. They would come into my shop after rolling out the pub...ask what's the cheapest and roll home armed with their peace offering......and it worked! Week after week, month after month....that was a common occurrence with a few. That moment of feeling like a princess seems to override everything...oh he really does love me! I'm the total opposite, but that's me. I'd rather receive a gift when it is given from their heart, not because they think I expect it....it's not given for the right reason then.

 

[Kristina25]

how old are you @Kristina25?

Um, 25. Just like it says on my username.

 

[Kristina25]

...unless you had 2 boyfriends in 2013 you would have been with this man when you joined the site, stating that he had PTSD. Yet on your other thread you were asked about exactly the same point, your answer then was that they were two different boyfriends and you referred to the other man as if memory serves me right your * previous or last boyfriend*.

I fell in love or thought I did with a man very much so older than me and I unfortunately kept switching between them. This time I am staying with the current younger one. The older man has PTSD and he also happens to have 2 types of Cancer now. Lung and bone.

 

[joeylittle]

@Kristina25, you have a lot of work ahead of you in therapy and treatment. I do understand how holidays can be touchy areas for relationships. But your idea of what a relationship is makes the whole situation really dysfunctional.

Look, we all have to live life in order to learn. I see you making a ton of mistakes, but hey, they are your mistakes to make - so if you read all the thoughts that are offered to you and you don't think they are worth considering, fine.

If you are merely looking for a place to vent, I would strongly suggest you start a trauma diary where you might be able to actually write about and work out some of this stuff on your own.

As far as your relationship with your fiance goes, if you are as attention-seeking with him as you appear to be in your forum posts, my advice to you is to get some pre-marital counseling or expect this relationship to fall apart within the next year. At some point, either he will not want to tolerate your whims or you will grow angrier the more he does not cater to your needs.

He at first said he would get me a V Day card and give it to me after Valentine's Day when I see him on his next day off. But I'm sorry that is tacky and I told him that. He said he would mail it to me which is also tacky. You are supposed to give your Valentine's Day stuff to your Significant other in person, not through the mail.

He offered you two really reasonable compromises, and you refused to accept them. You are also expecting him to read your mind, which isn't fair.

I am really mad. And this is actually triggering a lot of things in me. It makes me feel like he doesn't even really love me. It's obvious I love him since I got him a Valentine's Day card 3-4 weeks ago. But it is very apparent that he doesn't love me as much as he says he does or he would have gotten me a card without me having to tell him.

You are mixing up love and attention. Attention does not equal love. You are probably getting so angry because you are frightened by the lack of attention. You are probably often frightened by lack of attention. You can work on this if you get yourself back into DBT. It's not going to go away on its own.