I Left Therapy Again

[cmd]

I had been trying for more than a year to do therapy again, at the local LGBT mental health center.

I went through two therapists. The first I left in a rage. I try to do things that get me out of my head, particularly when I'm in a bad place. I work at a non-profit that I've thrown my heart and soul into, helping the underprivileged and poverty stricken in my city. In my spare time, I tend to go out to soup kitchens or shelters or peace protests or go to my church ( it's a mission church and it's sort of an automatic community-involved feeling for me to be there). When I was in tears over flashbacks and trying to cope with work, he told me that I must be a masochist for doing these things.

When the next therapist took a look at my file, he strongly suggested EMDR therapy for how bad I am. I did therapy with him for a couple of months (April - end of August). It was... a lot of just coming in and talking. It was a little too hippie-dippie for me and continued to be invalidating of my coping skills (he was suspicious that I'm queer and like going to a Catholic church, etc). As it happens, I can't go to therapy for the next month because of business - a promotion means travelling out of state over the next month at random times. Per clinic rules, I had to leave since I won't know a solid time to reschedule until the first week of November.

It's a bad time to leave therapy but I also don't know that it was helping me at all. I know the first therapist was awful - I would come home dissociated - and I don't have many feelings on the second one. I do know my PTSD is really bad. I do know it's interfering with my life and my ability to get things done and be happy. I just don't know what to do about it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Perhaps not useful, but I would recommend that which brings you peace, even in the smallest way, or helps you to get centered, and coping techniques.

There can be a way to manage it, don't lose heart.

 

[Leah123]

he told me that I must be a masochist for doing these things.

I think you're wonderful for helping others in the midst of your struggles. I did that myself when I was younger and unencumbered and it lifted me far above my troubles eventually. I'm cycling back to that place again in my life and happy to be there. I don't have much faith in therapists that are suspicious like that: smacks of narrow-mindedness. I hope you soon find an excellent therapist: it can be a bit like dating sometimes, but worth the search in my experience. I do online therapy- something you might consider, perhaps short term, for traveling, if you want someone to work with on coping or get through rough spots. Best of luck!

 

[Hashi]

I'm afraid I don't have a clear sense of the situation. I hope it's OK to ask some questions for clarification.

You say your therapy has been through the local LGBT mental health centre. Leaving aside the overall context, do you think they were qualified/experienced/appropriate for trauma therapy for your particular trauma(s)? Was it realistic to expect that? Are the therapists you saw trauma specialists? (They might be completely suitable, I have no idea, I just want to check.)

What does hippie-dippie mean to you? EMDR is an established form of trauma therapy now, and I'm not sure if you're commenting on this or other aspects. Just talking can be helpful or not helpful, depending on what you were talking about, and how it was structured. What were your expectations, that just talking didn't meet?

I'm also a bit confused when you talk about your coping skills that you felt the second therapist did not validate. You've said you came home dissociated from seeing your first therapist, and that your PTSD is affecting you very badly. To me, that seems like it might be helpful to work more on coping skills. Of course, I have no idea what the second therapist said and how they put it, but I'm also a bit unclear about the coping skills you're using at the moment and how effective they are.

I realise I'm asking a lot of questions, and I don't mean to do that in an aggressive way. I'm just trying to get clearer because I would find it hard to respond on the information you've given so far.

I do hope you can find a way through this, whatever form it takes, and that the forum can help you in that.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Is this perception correct?

Was your second therapist judging you because of being lgbt themselves? Wondering why anyone who is lgbt would have anything to do with the catholic church? How judgmental. I learned the hard way that lgbt doesn't equate with tolerance and acceptance. All four of those letters are unfortunately not equal.

 

[cmd]

Hashi, sorry for the lack of clarity.

They're general therapists but the second therapist was recommended to me by the head of the clinic after I was struggling with the first one because he does have a solid trauma background. And I didn't mean EMDR was hippie-dippie or that was invalidating (it's something I plan to look at once my work is calmer). He would suggest things like joining the Radical Faeries - which I guess they're queer, but they're also pagan and kind of out there for me and like I said, I'm a pretty devout Catholic and involved there, so joining a counterculture pagan group seems out of left field.

On my own, I do things like volunteer work, prayer, meditation and yoga, bodywork, prayer, and community involvement. I'm fine with finding better coping, but not with ones that require the changing of my structure of beliefs - joining a pagan group being a prime one or leaving my church/joining a Buddhist group, etc. If the coping skills build on what I have or don't require changing religions, I'm in favor.

 

[Hashi]

I don't think it's appropriate for a therapist to be trying to steer you to a particular group or subculture. To me, that sounds like a good thing that you're not continuing with the second therapist.

I think recommendations are tricky, especially if the person making them is someone who hasn't helped you. Finding the right therapist for you can be a long hard search (been there, done that), but I think it's really worth it. Having bad therapy experiences is something I wouldn't wish on anyone, but if you have had them then I think the thing to do is to use them to identify what you do and don't want from a therapist, and do some extensive searching, filtering and initial-question-asking when looking for a potential new one.

For example, it's important to me that I can talk about my spiritual views and that my therapist will respect them, not try to bring in their own. This formed part of the questions I had when looking for a therapist, but in fact the therapist I decided to see (and am being helped by) already said this on her website anyway.

It sounds like you have great ways of supporting yourself and also of distracting yourself in a very healthy way. I wonder if you've worked on skills particularly for being able to stay focussed on trauma/trauma therapy a little, to see you through the processing without too much distress and dissociation? Things like containment, grounding, and praying/meditating/visualising about staying safe while processing trauma. If you search the forum for those terms, you should find posts talking about these.

Trauma therapy is tough, and you do need the right therapist for you. That partnership can see you through some very difficult times. I'd understand if you felt jaded after your recent therapy experiences, but whenever you're ready to look for a new therapist I'd encourage you to take steps to find someone who knows about trauma, and who feels right for you. Someone who will respect your beliefs and how important those are to you, as well as understanding and accepting who you are.