General I Love a Very Beautiful Man With PTSD

[samsara]

28 days!

It's getting harder as it gets closer. BB is having a tough time at the moment.
My god it sucks being this far away. he was really upset last night. he sounded so alone. I was so sad. he still doesn't believe that I'll always stick by him. He's had some bad news about his dad. I couldn't work out what, but he feels so helpless. And he's getting really volatile. he screamed at me (drunk) down the phone -- "then where are you when i wake up, where are you? You're never here, I'm on my own, forever I'm on my own." Z"i have been trying so hard. three weeks sober, I just have to digg out sometimes or I'll literally kill someone. I had to sedate myself."
I didn't take it personally, he was far gone, but at least he's talking to me when he falls over now.
And yes so he's fallen off the wagon, but at least he's reaching out.
God I love him. I spent the rest of the night preparing his birthday box. 28 days seems like forever today.

 

[spiritofnow]

It will be okay! You will soon be there! You prepared yourself for this! Alone, yes that is a terrible feeling - I have been told that it is a state of mind. This will pass......Hang in there only 28 days to go.....

Spirit x

 

[samsara]

For that 5 minutes or ten minutes I watched
the sun melt, it felt quick yet so slow, slow motion. It was you,
speaking to me. Speaking to you, I felt it the whole time. The whole
sunset, I felt so OK suddenly. The minute I stopped the car and got
out, I just smiled and said OMG, OMG, OMG so many times. Then Rick
said "There it is, it's melted" Then bang – your text! It said "I'm
there" It didn't make grammatical sense to what you were saying ( you
meant I'm here), but at my end, with what was happening, your
ostensible error made perfect sense, it was no error at all, you spoke
to me, you knew about the sunset without even knowing.

 

[samsara]

Dreams can come true.

I'm too exhausted from elation at the miracle that happened in the past couple of days.

Miracles can happen.

I'll tell you more about it soon.

But for now this is the text that BB sent me today after seeing the photos of the sunset we chased to find BB.

BB and I have had an epiphany -- together!
BB is the sun and I am the moon and we've finally convinced each other it is real.

One hour after we spoke for two hours on the phone:

" I just went and spoke to my boss, he said something that really f*cked with me. He said

BB: What a fu*k? I ws worried you were off hurting yourself, or someone else, you dg out and said nix to nobody, you were pissed off when you left, didn't go to your morning job and no one could find you. You're a beautiful fu*ked up soul and we worry about you." He sounded like you, he sounded like it was you speaking through him. And now I am realising that my people do care about the BB dog. You funny thing, you maybe right baby!

I'm amazed at this new insight into how people view what I call the BB. God bless you, my ilk.

...
the next day -- today, I woke up on the hour every hour --bloody full moon.

BB. Everything is OK bebe, about to go into work. Don't panic...the sun is shining today.

S: Believe in the sun my beautiful man -- it's you! And when you can't see it -- I'll see it for you. I realised just now why I kept waking up all my life during the full moon -- it's me. The earth needs us as much as we need each other

Later that day.

BB: We're gona have a chat later tonight, let's promote positivity amongst each other, x thanks for your messages last night, ti amo, ik hou v jou.

S: Yep. I'll give you light when it gets dark for you and you'll make me warm when I feel cold. Win, win.

BB: Someone just came up and told me BB you're a good man, a bit fu*ked up, but one of the best and I love you...
Bebe, you caused this onset on aloha, or you made me open my eyes, in the past two days people have come to me to let me know who I am to them. I'm kinda touched, in a man's man sort of way.

I am loving the bumps people, there are a million stories to be told if you listen.

Then Believe in miracles. Believe in dreams so you can fight away teh nightmares.

A wonderful quote I heard on the movie "the notebook" the other day.

"Science can only do so much before god steps in."

I'm no dogmatic religious type, but I believe in the universe, I believe that nature speaks to us, if we are willing to listen and act with positive energy and belief.

And as I write this, the pixies come on the stereo in the cafe I am writing to you from, "Here comes your man" they tell me.

Till the next instalment...

 

[Murphy's Law]

Welcome to our circle. Come by and add your thoughts at any time. If you have questions ask them! I feel graced that yet another beautiful soul has reached out to us. Your partner sounds wonderful and although you seem a little burnt, you sound safe, like you're being allowed to grow finally.
Welcome, feel welcome.

Thank you. I am sorry i am only seeing this now, so please excuse my late reply. He is wonderful and I am safe. It is a nice thing. thanks.

 

[samsara]

hey guys, sorry it's been real busy around here of late. a real full on time for me, for reasons out side of BB but definitely influencing them.
It's his birthday tomorrow. I will write next week when i have some energy to do so. I have a feeling there will be magical news. we'll have it let it be and wait and see.